GUEST POST – “The Practice of Modesty” by Ashley Crouch
Ashley Crouch is the Assistant Program Director of Love & Fidelity Network, a program designed to equip college students with the resources and training they need to support the institution of marriage, the importance of family, and the integrity of sex on their campuses. She writes:
US Marine Captain John Campbell recently made National Australian News by boldly speaking out about Australian women’s lack of modesty: “It’s about having standards, ladies,” he said. “What are standards? Well, it can begin by dressing in a manner that leaves something to the imagination to say the least…” Later he said, “Come on, ladies, don’t send us mixed messages. That’s what you do every time you dress with less than nothing on.” His voice was an isolated and courageous reminder that women play a significant role in preserving men’s purity; that women bolster men’s’ ability to love authentically.
In today’s culture, our bodies are often treated as instruments rather than as an intimate part of who we are – persons with an
immortal soul. As a result of this disconnect, there is a crisis of modesty prevalent in society. Popular trends and fashions come and go with arbitrary ease, without any thought being given to a specific standard. The virtue of modesty has all but become obsolete, while the few who make an effort to endorse its practice often end up sounding prudish and harping on rules, regulations, and guidelines.
Guidelines are in fact good and helpful, and can be found by doing a simple search online. Modesty, however, is not just about covering up so guys will not be driven to lust. Modesty is more and often depends on the context. For this reason, it is often misunderstood.
Properly understood, modesty incorporates who the woman is as a person created in the image of God called to love, while acknowledging that men and women are designed to be attracted to one another. The late Pope John Paul II spoke candidly about the human person “as a creature towards whom the only proper attitude is love.” Authentic love, however, is not defined by a person’s sexuality; Attraction between sexes is meant to exist between two free, full, faithful human persons and to blossom into fruitful love in marriage. Many women yearn to be loved and seek it through immodest dress or action. Tragically, the immodest dress and behavior of some women, while intended to foster and secure lasting affection, ironically attracts men for other reasons. A woman who dresses provocatively distracts men from love. She sends mixed messages.
Modesty, on the other hand, serves to open the gateway of love between persons by revealing who a woman is as a full person, an individual with dignity, not reducible to her sexual features. When a woman practices modesty, she simultaneously protects, preserves, and presents herself to the world as a person of dignity and self-respect; for through modesty, the beauty of her femininity is highlighted rather than objectified. Modesty flows from “moderation,” where all the elements of the woman are shown cohesively and beautifully.
Ultimately, modesty is about more than clothes. It is a disposition of the heart, and a consciousness on the part of the woman that she has an origin in a loving God, who has given her a great dignity and purpose. Each woman was designed to give herself fully as a gift, but if her vocation is marriage, this gift belongs only to one person (not the world.) The woman’s awareness of her beautiful origin carries over into her actions and dress, naturally and effortlessly. Her clothes are not a denial of her sexuality, or a suppression of her femininity. Rather, they integrate her sexuality into her whole being as a person called to love, and open the way for true love to grow. The practice of modesty encourages men to see a woman with respect, and allows authentic interpersonal relationships to occur, free of distractions, free from confusion, free to love.
So the next time you reach into your closet for an outfit, perhaps remember Captain John Campbell’s words ‘Don’t send mixed messages,’ and consider what message you want to send.
January 22, the Most Devastating Day on the Calendar
Today, January 22, marks the most devastating day on the entire calendar. In 1973, the US Supreme Court made a ruling that made legal the destruction and murder of innocent life in the womb. On that day, abortion was legalized and the greatest travesty against human life was performed. Please pray for the end to abortion.
Here’s a clip, titled: “January 1973”.
God Must Really Love Me
Great perspective from one of my favorite country music singers, Craig Morgan. I think there’s a lot in this video that we can each connect with. I hope it helps give you the perspective you need today. Blessings.
“When I showed the worst, He saw the best. He pulled the world right off my chest. Every day I wake up, I feel blessed. God must really love me.”
Encouraging Men to Get Involved
Here’s my latest article on iibloom.com, posted yesterday.
For some people, it’s a struggle to figure out why men aren’t involved at church and church-related events. When we take a look at a typical parish in the United States, we see a Church that is struggling to entice, encourage and strengthen men as leaders. Why is this? Is it the content, is it the timing, is it the other people in attendance? Is it something internal? Do they feel emasculated by it? Is it a lack of catechesis? Is there a power struggle? Or maybe even something else?
(Please note, this article is a generalization; please keep this in mind. Many men are fully engaged in the life of the Church and many parishes have a thriving men’s population. The point of this article is to find ways to help encourage men who aren’t involved to become involved.)
Men won’t get involved in “stuff” if they don’t see a value in it. Also, they aren’t likely to attend a new event, group or club unless they
know someone else who is attending, and know them well. Another reason men won’t get involved is if they see the stuff as weak, lame or feminine. Unfortunately, many men see Mass, Church events, groups and retreats through this lens. On my website, I have mentioned that the Church is “by women, for women,” and this is a big reason why men aren’t involved. I say this because the vast majority of parishes in the US have a very lopsided attendance and volunteer demographic. The reason for this is because men fail to step up and into leadership and volunteer roles.
Men shouldn’t be forced into praying like women pray, it doesn’t work for us. Men need to pray the way men were created to pray. Men shouldn’t be forced into activities that are similar to women’s activities, it does’t work for us. Men should participate in activities that they were created for. There’s a difference, and that difference is important.
The difference is, as the late Pope John Paul II often talked about, is that men and women were created equal in dignity, but different in role. In order for men to fulfill their role, their lives must be oriented correctly towards what they were created for. A great place to see what it is that men were created for is to read through the creation narrative in The Book of Genesis.
So how do you encourage men to participate? It’s tough to know, exactly. I think that a great way is to get to the heart of a man…that which God put deep inside each man. It’s different from anything else in the world, and hard to explain. See, men want to be rugged and tough. They want to shoot stuff, and fix stuff, and build stuff. They want to protect and defend, they want to love and be loved. They want to feel a purpose and be accomplished. Unfortunately, so many men don’t know how to do any of that stuff.
If we want men to participate, we have to encourage them, build them up and GIVE THEM A PERSONAL INVITATION. Personal invitations, from men they trust and respect, might just be the thing to get a man involved in the Life of the Church. The personal invitation should be in person, not over phone, texting or email. And once the invitation is extended, the event better not stink! Or be lame! And, it better not be associated with ‘sissiness’! If it does, he’ll never come back.
I encourage all the faithful, if they know a man who needs to be involved, to be like St Monica. St Monica, the mother of St Augustine, prayed unceasingly for her son. Augustine was a wandering-soul. He lived a life of incredible sin and his mother still prayed. He became one of the greatest saints and writers of the Church. That man who you know might just be the next St Augustine.
Click HERE for the article on iibloom’s site.
To Clean the Clothes of Those With Dirty Clothing
The Corporal Works of Mercy are an incredibly important concept to be aware of. Mercy is a virtue and allows us a doorway into the life of Christ. Although today’s story isn’t specifically a work of mercy, it helped remind me of how fortunate I am. (Maybe it falls under “Clothe the Naked”?)
Today, I had the opportunity to lend a helping hand to a family in need. It wasn’t in the plans, and it wasn’t ideal, but I did it. So I was lying in bed with my wife, both children asleep for nap time, enjoying her company this afternoon and I received a phone call. It was my father-in-law asking if I was free to help move a washer and dryer. He knew it was not the ideal time (my wife had just come home, I was home watching the kids, it was a holiday-day-off, and so on) but he knew that he could count on me. So, I quickly left the house and made the drive to his home. When I arrived, the washer and dryer were ready and waiting to be hoisted into my truck bed and delivered to their new home.
The washer and dryer were an extra set that my in-laws had in their garage. They were taking up space there, but were still operational. My mother-in-law knows of many families, by way of her school, that are in need, and the family they donated these machines to were in great need. As I loaded the machines in my truck, drove them to the family’s mobile home and as I then proceeded to drive to my home, I felt very lucky to have had the opportunity to play a role in this little gift. It helped me to see the perspective of how great of a life I have, and how crummy of a life others may have. And, in the end, it doesn’t come down to stuff, or status. It comes down to happiness… joy. The family we delivered the washer and dryer didn’t need much. They were content with having a washer and dryer, no matter how old or how many loads of laundry (literally thousands) had been washed in the machines prior to their arrival at their new spot.
I want to urge you to do a corporal work of mercy regularly. It brings joy to your life, which is supposed to be a by-product of the work, but like many things, when you give of yourself without wanting/desiring/requesting anything back, you are actually the one who benefits most from the experience. I’m lucky to have been able to help this family today.
Man up!
In Response to the Negative
On January 8th I posted an article about what I titled “Imagining Bras – A Facebook Stunt“. I received a
significant number of very positive comments from readers who appreciated, and agreed, with what I had written. There were also a few individuals who sent negative comments about what I had written. I responded to these negative comments in another post, titled “In Response – Are You Serious?“. After posting that article, I received even more negative comments, I’d like to respond to some of that negative feedback here.
Overall, the feeling I sensed from those who commented was that I was pointing a finger at the women who posted their bra colors on Facebook. This was not my intent, so I apologize for the misunderstanding. I never intended to point fingers or place blame. Nor did I ever say that women were bad because of what they were doing, but simply that they probably didn’t know that they may have been leading men into sin by speaking about their bras. “Leading men into sin” was a major area of contention for some readers. Some of the comments I received were as follows: “It’s between him and the Lord (if he sins)” and “It’s totally ridiculous to point fingers at us… and to call us bad for causing men to sin”, or this one, “Sin? WTF? Isn’t that just human nature you’re trying to suppress? We are all just animals at the end of the day.”
I’ll make one thing clear: every person, as an individual, is responsible for his/her choices and actions, whether sinful or not. This DOES NOT mean that another person isn’t responsible for their part in influencing that person’s choices and/or actions. Regardless of the philosophy of responsibility, the question that keeps popping into my head when I read these comments is “are you so selfish and self-centered that you have a complete indifference about the salvation of other people?” This causes me deep anguish, knowing that there are people in the world that think like this.
I’ve really been struggling with just how to answer these comments, and I’ve decided that my answer isn’t going to specifically address each issue individually. My answer is intended to challenge my readers to think outside themselves. The more we look beyond our personal desires, the more virtuous we become. I could have left the Facebook stunt alone and not posted about it, but the tug on my heart was to attempt to show the need to be cognizant of how our part in this world effects others. None of us are on an island. Each of us must understand that we contribute (and sometimes, take away) from the welfare of the rest of society.
I know that this post doesn’t completely address the issues of those who made specific comments. My response may come another day. In the meantime, I challenge everyone to look at themselves and see where they can improve in behavior, character and attitude. If we (myself included at the top of that list) work to improve ourselves, and become the best version of ourselves, we will make an incredible change in the world… the world that needs us badly.
Man up!
A Father’s Prayer
A Father’s Prayer by Douglas MacArthur
In early 1942, when heading out-numbered United States forces in the Philippines, the late General Douglas MacArthur prayed this prayer many times at morning devotions, according to Major General Courtney Whitney, his long-time military aide. This prayer for his son, Arthur, is a spiritual legacy any son would cherish.
“Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak, and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid; one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat, and humble and gentle in victory.
Build me a son whose wishes will not take the place of deeds; a son who will know Thee-and that to know himself is the foundation stone of knowledge.
Lead him, I pray, not in the path of ease and comfort, but under the stress and spur of difficulties and challenge. Here let him learn to stand up in the storm; here let him learn compassion for those who fail.
Build me a son whose heart will be clear, whose goal will be high; a son who will master himself before he seeks to master other men; one who will reach into the future, yet never forget the past.
And after all these things are his, add, I pray, enough of a sense of humor, so that he may always be serious, yet never take himself too seriously. Give him humility, so that he may always remember the simplicity of true greatness, the open mind of true wisdom, and the meekness of true strength.
Then, I, his father, will dare to whisper, “I have not lived in vain.”
Man up!
