Tuesdays with Daddy – Morning Offering and Daily Readings

I had an idea to implement some special prayer time and Scripture reading into each day with my girls.  Even though they are young, I’m finding it very fruitful.  My two year old and one year old don’t listen intently, nor would they have total comprehension if they did.  That’s not the point.  The point is that each and every day, in the morning, my children know that God is number one.  Here’s what I’ve been doing.

Every morning, I get my children from their rooms, we do the necessary change of diapers/underwear, comb the hair and do morning hugs and kisses, and then we head into the kitchen for breakfast.  Before any food is consumed, and before any milk in sippy cups is drunk, I have the girls join me in the sign of the cross, and I hold their hands as I offer our day for Christ.  I want them to get in the habit of praying, of giving God our “firsts”, if you will.  I also want them to know that we should make a sacrificial gift of ourselves to  God.

After making our morning offering, I then put their bowls and drinks in front of them, and they begin to eat.  This is prime time for their attention, so I began reading them the Scripture readings from each day; Sunday or weekday.  I found an “app” on my phone that has all the readings from each day, which works out nicely because I always have my phone handy.

This entire process takes just under five minutes.  My girls “stay with me” that long, so it doesn’t become tiresome, like some other prayer options we’ve tried.  One of the best things about spending this time with them is that I’m actively participating in their spiritual growth.  Their spiritual growth is my responsibility as their father.  I cannot take that lightly.  They see that prayer and time with the Word is important to me and they become used to it.

I’m going to continue this process until I see the need to change things up.

Man up!

“Is it Okay to Sleep Together if Nothing Else Happens?”

The following is an “Ask an Expert” question that I answered on iibloom.com earlier in the week.  For the full thread, click HERE.

The Question: My boyfriend and I started sleeping in the same bed together. We are committed to not having sex outside of marriage, so we don’t do anything besides cuddling and kissing. He feels like this is a way for us to express our love for each other and spend more time together and says he has no desire to progress any farther than that. I like to snuggle and wake up to each other’s eyes and give each other massages and it hasn’t led to anything I feel is wrong. but I just feel like something isn’t right about it. I’m confused.

MY ANSWER: I urge you to follow the wisdom of your last statement, “I just feel like something isn’t right about it.” You’re right, there are things that aren’t right about sleeping in the same bed with someone prior to marriage and the commitment that comes along with the wedding vows. I recommend that you immediately refrain from sleeping in the same bed. There’s a lot going on here, so please allow me to take each piece one-by-one.

First, to you, the woman: I beg you to require a standard of perfection from your boyfriend. If he is doing something that you feel is “not quite right,” then demand something better from him. If you do end up marrying him, you should require perfection from him in all situations. Obviously, he is going to stumble, fall and fail (we all sin), but the requirement from you shouldn’t lessen. Women everywhere MUST require their men to set the standard of excellence in relationships. If your man isn’t fulfilling that standard, HE ISN’T GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU! Set your standards high, and make the men step up!

Secondly, for the man: Brother, you need to lead the relationship. Rationalizing and trying to justify the situation, because it feels good, is NOT the manly thing to do. You need to be fully committed to her before you allow her to sleep in your bed, or before you sleep in hers. How would you feel if she slept in another man’s bed, “even though nothing bad was happening?” You wouldn’t. Make the hard decision, the loving decision, and wait until you have fully committed yourself and your life to your new bride in marriage. The Church doesn’t have us go through the vows because it’s fun, or simply a tradition. The vows unite the two souls as one. It’s an incredible thing! You, as the man, MUST LEAD. If you are imitating Christ, then you are worthy of a woman following you. If not, then you’re not ready for that responsibility yet. Keep working on it until you’re there, and then continue to grow.

Be aware that cuddling and kissing, even with the best intentions, can lead to sex. In the heat of the moment, with a person that you love, it’s quite easy to give into physical/sexual acts that you may have planned against when you were of sound mind. I recommend that you both regulate the physical acts so that you aren’t placing yourselves in a position to fail. I recommend that you seek guidance from a trusted, faithful couple on how to do this properly. The fruits of your hard work won’t be apparent until you’re well into your marriage.

It is wonderful that your boyfriend wants you both to express your love for one another in a way that isn’t sexual, however, sleeping in the same bed is a disordered way of doing so. The intimacy between two people who share a bed is intense, and shouldn’t be taken lightly. Sleeping together, even without anything “happening” is dangerous because of the intimacy involved. Again, I urge you to immediately refrain from sleeping in the same bed together. There are other proper ways of showing your love, sleeping in the same bed should be reserved for a married couple who’s love is at a different level than yours. I’m not saying that your love isn’t true, I’m saying that it can’t be at the level of a married couple’s because of the grace that comes from the Sacrament of Matrimony. The more perfect your dating/engaged time is, the more perfected your marriage will be.

Although intercourse may not be taking place (yet), sexual emotions are being involved when you are sleeping together, waking up with one another, giving massages, and so on. If the man isn’t ready to commit fully to you, you should not be allowing him into your sexual emotions. This is NOT guarding your heart, nor his. In the event that you do get married, refraining from “married stuff” while dating will only strengthen your marriage. I know that it’s hard to see now, but trust me, I just went through all this a few years ago…I know what I’m talking about.

Last thing, you mention that “it hasn’t led to anything that I feel is wrong.” I caution you to be the judge of what is morally acceptable and what is not. The Church and Her wisdom has already set a standard for us, and although we play a big role in forming our conscience to follow Her standards, it isn’t up to us to determine right from wrong. If you KNOW that what you are doing is wrong, then stop your actions. Stopping is the loving (charitable) thing to do, even though it will be hard and you’ll be tempted to give in.

I wish you the best of luck in your difficult decisions ahead. May you grow in faith, hope and love because of your difficulties.

In Response – Are You Serious?

I received a comment from a blog reader today and I believe I need to post her comment and my response. Thoughts are appreciated in the comment section below!

Dear *commentor*,

Thank you for your comment on my website today. I would like to engage in conversation about the issues at hand, and attempt to shed light on the way a man’s brain works. You wrote:

[“I don’t like to use the word dumb but are you serious???? I’m pretty sure there are worse things in this world than posting a bra color and some weirdo commiting a “sin” (masturbating) to it. And Man Up?? How about you man up and realize that porno isn’t just a woman’s issue and if women stop taking their clothes off I’m pretty sure that gay men-on-men porno would still exist. And if you’re one of those men that are struggling with seeing a color posted then get off of Facebook and seek help ASAP. Woman up!’]

I sometimes get negative feedback about things I write, and I’m more than capable of handling the critiques. Please allow me to clarify. Yes, I’m very serious on this subject. Are there worse things in the world than this? Yes, absolutely. Does the content of the topic have effects on some men, yes, most definitely. I question your use of the word “weirdo” in this context – it seems out of place and unnecessary. Most men (even faithful Christian men) have/do/will have addiction issues to pornography and/or masturbation, and whether you know it or not, both are mortal sins. Bras are more to men than simply a piece of fabric, they represent more than just an undergarment. Bras are enticing and intriguing and may get a man’s mind racing with thoughts and emotions, and for some men, the chemicals in the brain plays tricks on them when the image or even thought of a bra pops in their heads. I know this may sound silly, and a bit off-base, but it’s the truth. Women’s minds don’t work like men’s minds do, but even the slightest image/thought can provoke a man to give into sexual temptations, thus leading him into sin.

The term “Man up!” is a term that I end all my posts with. It means, in simple terms, “Be a real man, live virtue!”. If this is offensive to you, that was not my intent.

The reason why I brought up women in pornography was not to place blame or shuck responsibility for men, but to bring to the light that the issues of pornography are occurring because of both genders. If the women of pornography held a higher standard for themselves, there would be no women in porn. The issue of homosexual pornography is all-together something different.

By stating that “if a man is struggling with seeing a color… seek help ASAP” you are missing my point. The point is that even the slightest sexual temptation can lead a man to sin. Men need women to help them along in the journey to holiness, not hinder them. It may seem ludacrous to waste time talking about things like this, but we have to talk about even the seemingly “small” issues. I assure you, the more we turn a blind eye to situations like this, the more we will allow ourselves to be okay with where the world is going. I am not okay with it, and that’s why I’m attempting to shed light on it.

Thanks for your time. If you have any thoughts, comments or questions, please send them my way.

Respectfully,
Dave

Imagining Bras… a Facebook Stunt

Today, female Facebook users everywhere united against an evil that has claimed the lives of many women, breast cancer.  What many of them don’t know, is that their unity may have led some men into serious sin.  Here’s what happened.  Women on Facebook sent around messages among themselves (attempting to leave all males out of the loop) so that all women would put their current bra color as their status update.  Obviously, men caught wind of this, and the secret is out of the bag.

I don’t have a problem with uniting behind a cause.  I don’t have a problem with women wearing bras (I prefer that they do, for modesty’s sake, and their comfort, or so I’m told).  What I have a problem with is when women don’t actively insist on proper behavior from men.  You’re probably thinking to yourself, “How did he jump to that ideal from where he was?”  Easily.  Women should require of men an attitude of service and an attitude of perfection.  When women allow men to act in certain inappropriate ways, it opens the door for men everywhere to “blow it”.  WOMEN, you play a role in men being TrueMen!

Women, when you talk about your bra color, you’re not merely mentioning a bra color, but you’re VIVIDLY describing your breast(s) to a man!  I know it sounds crazy, but your “harmless” act of awareness probably caused many men to sin, I hate to say.  For most guys, they don’t see or think of a bra and stop simply at the fabric and color.  A bra is an intimate thing and makes a man think about other intimate things.  I have to break it to you, men don’t simply stop at the color.

I wanted to share the thoughts of a Naval Officer on this topic: “I know breast cancer awareness is a good thing, but I don’t think the mission was accomplished.  Either 1) guys won’t figure it out and they  will move on with watching the BCS Football Game, or 2) they will pick up on and be drawn down a slippery slope to sin.  I am sure the women did not have this as their intent; they were trying to be fun, flirty and mysterious.  I just cannot condone it.  I personally have not struggled with fantasies for some time, but I led Bible studies for two years while in college, and I know how other men struggle with it.  I guess I just wanted women to know that some men struggle with it, and this is not helping.”

Take heed.  And, on a related side note, did you all realize that if women stopped being in pornography, it would stop?

Man up!

TrueManhood’s Guide to Virtue

Click for TrueManhood’s Guide to Virtue

LEARN VIRTUE, LIVE VIRTUE!

Man up!

One Billion Stories, All Across the Country

I was fortunate enough to meet a young man named Seth DeMoor at the FOCUS Conference in Orlando, Florida last week.  Seth recently graduated from the University of Colorado at Boulder and has decided to ride his bicycle across the country, shooting stories and interviews with as many Catholics as he can.  He’s currently trekking through Florida, heading north and then west.  Seth started a website, One Billion Stories.com and sees this adventure as a pilgrimage and calling.  His tag-line is “Jumping off the fence, leaving behind mediocrity by virtue of video streams.”

He took some time to interview me about TrueManhood.  Hope you like it.  Click HERE for TrueManhood.com on OneBillionStories.com.

If you would, please click on Seth’s link “Can I Help?“.

Man up!

Tuesdays with Daddy – My Primary Vocation & Responsibility

Sometimes it’s hard to clearly determine priorities.  What’s really number one in my life?  Why is it number one?  What else must occur in order for number one to stay number one?  As a husband and father, my primary vocation is to care for my wife and children, and this is where priorities get sticky for me.  In order to care for them, I need to be with them, but at the same time, I also need to provide shelter, clothing, food and safety – the essentials.  In order to provide the essentials, I have to earn money.  In order to earn money, I have to be away from them, either at my office, on the road speaking or at other locations outside the home.  Since I’m also studying for my master’s degree, my time is taxed heavily.  This isn’t even to mention upkeep of the house and vehicles, house chores and other necessary errands that must be completed.  How do I determine rankings of my responsibilities?

I’ve found that taking myself out of the equation is the best way to make the determinations.  What?  Here’s what I mean… I try to remove my desires, my wants, my preferences and instead, place my wife and children (and all of their needs, wants and desires) first.  When I do this, I find that my emotions are kept in check (even though I might want to be making money, hanging with my guy friends or watching a game).  When my emotions are kept in check, I am able to clearly determine what’s important.  Keep in mind, that making money isn’t bad, and hanging with your guy friends isn’t bad.  They are both goods things.  However, if making money, hanging out with your guy friends or any other activity/project/endeavor takes you away from your priorities, they become distractions and hindrances.

So, when determining priorities, I recommend removing yourself and your emotions from the decision making process.  Once you do that, your mind will be clear and you’ll be able to clearly make the right decisions.  Best of luck.

Man up!

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