Manliness in the Modern Church
Saturday morning, I spoke at a local Men’s Breakfast. The room was full. The breakfast was hot (and tasty). It was good to see Catholic men coming together to join in brotherhood and to be inspired by a message. The ages ranged from a young teen boy all the way to some wise-men in their 80’s. 95% of the men in the room were fathers. I spoke about “Manliness in the Modern Church”.
The reality of it all is that our Church in America has been overrun by the feminist movement of the 1960’s. The sexual revolution “revolutionized” the decay of gender roles… and in the Church, it spread like wild fire. Manly women and feminine men (<– oxymorons, I know). What we see now is a Church where men are overly passive (if they go at all) and the brunt of the work is accomplished because of women. It sets a terrible example for our families; the children within the Church don’t understand what a man is. The boys go astray because they have no idea what it means to be a man and the girls follow after them… that’s what society tells them is normal and good.
The purpose of my talk was NOT AT ALL to bash women or to say that women shouldn’t do anything in the Church… on the contrary. [Without women in the Church who saw a wide-open-gap that needed filled, our Church would be in a much worse position than it already is.] The purpose was to call men to be men, to light a fire in their souls to live VIRTUOUS lives! To step up and LEAD! To FIGHT and DEFEND the Church, her people (women and children especially) and their own spirituality! Christ didn’t ask the apostles to sit around and wait for people to ask them what they believed. He commissioned them to action – “Come and Follow Me” – “Be fishers of men”.
The talk was well received and I think that it inspired these men to go forth and live out a virtuous, manly life. TrueManhood!
Man up!
Security in Purity – A Message to Women
So many women in our society (especially young women) have a lack of self-worth and a deeply rooted insecurity in who they are. They want to fit in, be accepted and ultimately, receive love. This sometimes (more often than not these days) leads to dressing inappropriately and engaging in promiscuous sexual relationships — all in the name of finding love. They think that in order for a man to think they’re attractive, to be excited by them and to love them, they must “put out”. [After all, they are being fed lies from this menu everyday by society.] The problem arises that this simply is not real, lasting love, and the feelings of insecurity and perpetual emptiness persist. It pains me to see young women who think this way because they should be thinking the exact opposite… that they are an amazing and precious creation from God the Father and that they should never settle for anything less than the best. A man is only worthy to be in their presence if he upholds their dignity and shows them the utmost respect. Women deserve better than what they are typically given and owe it to themselves to require a True Man.
If you are a woman that struggles with self-worth and insecurity, please take my words to heart. You are worth nothing less than the best. You are worth being in a relationship with a man who loves you (real love), who adores you and who respects you. You don’t have to have sex with him before marriage… if he really loves you, he’ll wait for you. (If he’s a True Man and really loves you, he’ll want to wait for you because you’re that special!) When it comes to the way you dress, you describe to men what you are seeking by the way you dress. If you wear something revealing, it tells a man “I want to reveal myself to you”. *Keep in mind the distinction between dressing attractively and dressing to attract. If you want to draw in the right type of man, dress with respect and purity. You’ll find real security, love and worth if you seek purity. You are worth it.
For the women out there that are confident and content in who they are, continue to be an example to women everywhere and continue to set the standard high for what men should be striving for. Never lower your standards.
Following an Example
I have a person in my life that exemplifies something that I strive for. This person, by their actions, calls me to something better than what I produce, in a way that isn’t judgmental, harsh or overtly obvious. This person simply acts in a way that entices me to perform in a better way. This person is my wife, Catherine. What she does is she lives a life that is selfless and always life-giving. When it comes to the kids, the house, work or family time, she always puts the needs of the rest of us first. And she does it in the smallest things. For instance, when she shops for groceries, she always buys what I like over what she likes. When we’re going out as a family, she always gets the girls ready, their bag ready, their toys ready… on and on. 
There’s an important lesson here –> Men can, and should, learn from women. Women typically show us a different perspective, a different point of view, a different emotion, a different thought process and usually a different plan. Notice that I said different… not better, not worse, simply different. This different perspective can (like in the situation above) guide us towards stronger manliness, if we choose to respond. Choosing to respond to a higher calling, to be a better man, is a major piece in achieving True Manhood. Many men think that manliness comes from the denial of the female perspective, however, I know differently. If I held that position, I would be the opposite of my wife… I would be forever selfish and consumed with my own desires. Thanks for setting such a great example Babe.
When a Man Loves a Woman
You know those relationships where you can tell, no matter how long a couple has been married, that they really love one another? I had the opportunity this weekend to experience one of these relationships first hand for the past 5 days out on the east coast. My wife’s aunt and uncle celebrate their 30th wedding anniversary this year and from the looks of it, they have an incredibly strong marriage… I believe it’s because of how much he loves his wife. He’s one of those men (a True Man, in my book) that treats his wife with an incredible amount of respect and genuine love. He’s set an amazing example for their son and for everyone else out there who watches them interact.
You and I have seen the opposite… relationships where the man is unloving, ungrateful, unsupportive and so on. A relationships like that is not what men need to see. We need True Men to set the standard high, to challenge other men to something better and, also incredibly important, we need women to expect this genuine kind of love and to never settle for less.
Chivalry Doesn't Make an Appearance on V-Day Night
I’m out on the east coast with family. We had no “romantic” plans for today because we’re with family. Our Valentine’s Day included lots of kids, eating, driving from points A to B to C and back to A. Along the way, we stopped outside a nice Italian restaurant (remaining unnamed) to pick up my sister-in-law’s “lost” cell phone from the night before. As we waited for 20 minutes outside this restaurant, I noticed a horrible trend taking place before my eyes. Couple after couple walked up to the restaurant doors, and only on a rare occasion, did the man open the door for his date/girlfriend/spouse. I also saw a number of them get into their vehicles, and only on one occasion did I see the man escort his significant other to their door and help them in. The worst was when the door actually slammed into a girl’s face because she wasn’t watching and because her date simply walked in the door and didn’t extend a hand to hold it open for her. I was appalled. This girl not only had a glass door for an appetizer, she went in and spent the rest of the night out with this loser! He was so self-consumed. I quickly turned around and told my oldest daughter, “If a man ever does that, and walks through a door before you, you turn right around and leave him in your dust.”
I think that women have the right to expect chivalry. I believe that a woman should never settle for less than a genuine gentleman. Don’t find yourself asking a woman to lower her standards so that you can be a slob. If a man can’t do something as simple as holding a door open, then he’ll never be able to do the big things in life. Require the most out of yourself and always live out chivalry, you never know who’s watching you.
Man up!
Fight Rules
It’s a difficult thing, in a relationship, to not be selfish. It’s hard to think about the other person first, every time, without fail. It’s hard to put your personal desires, wishes and needs on the back burner so you can aid in the other person receiving theirs. [I am much less than perfect at these things.] Because of this, fights/disagreements/arguments (however you want to phrase it) happen. There are some important rules that a man should live by when he experiences a fight in his relationship.
- Remain Calm, even if she doesn’t
- Listen twice as much as your speak, even if she doesn’t
- Never interrupt, even if she does
- Leave your pride out of it, even if she doesn’t
- Tell her that you hear what she’s saying (and actually listen!)
- Validate her point of view, even if she doesn’t validate yours
- Never cuss
- Never EVER get physical!
- Never scream/yell/raise your voice, even if she does
- Never fight in front of the kids
And most importantly… Always make the choice to love. (BTW, love is a verb.)
"It Never Hurt a Man to Try and Be a Better Man…"
… words from Jack Ingram’s latest song, “That’s a Man”.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Andx4tHCQmw]
In the song, Jack sings about a young father working two jobs for his young family, just so they can get by and so he can give them a better life. He sings about a Marine, struggling with the loss of his buddy, and about how hard he tried to save him. He sings about a lot of things… what strikes me is that each of the stories has it’s fair share of heartache and difficulty, but in the end, a man does what he has to. He works hard, has a deep resolve and protects those around him. If it takes working 7 hot days a week, he does it. If it means working long hours, he does it. If it means blood, sweat and tears, he sheds them. Do others say “that’s a man” about you?
