You Can’t Fight Based on Fear
Over the years, in dealing with my addiction to pornography, I’ve realized some pretty profound things. Things about myself, about addiction, the pornography industry and how to overcome this incredible evil. [If you haven’t read through my 5 Step Plan to Overcoming an Addiction to Porn, please click HERE before you continue reading this post. – We’ll wait.] As you know, I liken this sin to a battle, an incredible fight that we enter into with evil. A man must enter into this fight aggressively in order to come out victorious. A thought I’ve had lately is that we can’t fight out of fear.
We can’t fight an addiction to porn (or any addiction) because we fear things – the fear of being caught, the fear of ruining a relationship, the fear of having to confess our sins (again), the fear of our work finding inappropriate material on their computer, 
the fear of failing, the fear of giving in to the temptation, etc. A soldier doesn’t go into battle fearful – he goes in confident in his training, his abilities and his leadership. He knows that because of the work he’s put in up to this point (the training), that he’ll prevail. He trusts his leadership to guide him through this tough time, quite possibly the hardest thing he’s ever done, or ever will do. We’re the same way, except here, our salvation is on the line.
Fight aggressively, fight with honor, fight for your life. Go into this battle knowing that you have God on your side, that you can accomplish all things through Him (Philippians 4:13) and that YOU WILL BE VICTORIOUS!
There is a fear that is healthy for us, in this battle… the fear of offending God. The use of pornography (and typically the sexual behavior that stems from its use) is sin – mortal sin. We greatly offend God; through our actions, we turn away from God’s love. We lose all trust in God. Sin is a real thing, a serious thing. Sin removes charity from our heart and separates us from God. Fearing the loss of salvation (by our choices and actions) is a healthy fear to have.
Man up!
When They Leave God Out
There are some men’s sites out there, trying to do some good work, trying to “get” at the heart of manhood. You may be familiar with The Art of Manliness, the National Fatherhood Initiative or maybe you’ve seen some footage recently on The Good Men Project – I’ve seen them all over the internet and videos of their TV appearances. I’m glad these sites, projects, books and resources are out there for men. However, when they leave God out, they’re leaving out THE important piece. Without God, faith in God and love for God, a male simply cannot fulfill his role as a man. Plain and simple.
Watch this video, and note, starting around 1:23, the attitude about “manhood being up for grabs” and “at a turning point”. And again, starting around 2:10, “there’s no good answer” – in reference to what makes a man “good”. And one last specific time to notice, 4:28 where again the notion of manhood is ever-changing and up to every one’s own interpretation.
I highly disagree with this line of thinking. There IS a standard, a definition. There is a specific way that a man can be a “good” man. It’s called virtue! Same with the *interesting* preacher from two posts ago, they’re missing the essential pieces about manhood. God guides us, strengthens us, enlivens us. Without God, we can’t live TrueManhood.
Man up!
Veteran’s Day 2009 – Thank a Vet Today
Veteran’s Day 2009 – Thank a vet today. It’s the least we can all do. I plan on making some phone calls and continuing to thank each and every soldier that I see in public. I have the privilege of working with soldiers, and knowing soldiers, and being close to soldiers. What you do for us is a great example of sacrifice and service. Our words of gratitude will never be enough.
Please check out these two videos. The first, from Applebee’s is very impressive. I encourage everyone to let a veteran or active duty member know about this deal. It’s the little things that go so far. I wish I could stand in front of our local restaurant and shake all the veteran’s hands. Maybe I’ll have to make a quick stop by there today. The second video is a compilation of some pictures of our awesome heroes. (Neither video are mine.)
Interesting Take on What Makes a Man a Man… (Funny Video)
You may or may not believe this video. I’m still not exactly sure what this preacher was talking about, or why he was talking about it. Before you watch it, let’s clarify what makes a male a man (a TrueMan)… virtue. Virtue is what makes a male a man. Prudence, Fortitude, Justice and Temperance. Faith, Hope and Love. Live them. (In Latin, virtus means manliness.) Here’s the video, have a good laugh.
Man up!
My Priority
If you bare with me on this post, I’m going to share something very personal. I’ve really been struggling with something, and I’ve been letting my wife down in regards to this struggle. In short, I tell her that she’s my number one priority, but my actions don’t line up. My intentions are to make her my top priority, and to do everything I can for her, our kids, our family. I really want this to be the case. Unfortunately, I’ve really been dropping the ball on proving it to her. I want badly to be the man that she needs, wants and deserves, however, I fail often.
I have no excuse. Even though our work schedules are almost opposite, and when they happen to line up we both have other responsibilities that our family depends on for survival, I have no reason why I can’t prove to her that she’s my honest-to-goodness number one priority. It’s the little bit of time that I should give fully to her, that I’ve been failing in. It’s not even like she wants that much from me, just a little effort. My effort has been completely lackluster and I owe her a huge apology. But you know what?… she doesn’t want an apology, she wants change. She wants to hear what I’m going to do and then see me do it.
The important thing to remember is this: in order for my words to mean anything, my actions must back them up. The ol’ “Put your money where your mouth is” or better yet, the famous, “Don’t just talk the talk, walk the walk.”
Our marriage isn’t perfect and those who know me know that I’m far from perfection. I run this website and blog and speak to men all over the country not in the sense that I’m trying to teach you everything there is to know about being an authentically manly man… I’m on this journey with you. I learn something new everyday, and I’m constantly working to be better. The thing that I think sets a TrueMan apart from other men is that he knows there are areas in his life where he needs to improve and he not only wants and tries to change, he takes action.
I challenge you to look at your own life and see the areas where you’re dropping the ball. Pick the ball up and get back on track. Don’t just talk the talk, walk the walk.
Man up!
What is a Woman’s Role in Helping to Create a Culture of TrueManhood?
— GUEST POST from CATHERINE DiNUZZO, MA LPC (Wife of Dave DiNuzzo) —
When Dave asked me to write a guest post on his site, I was very excited because I believe that to truly change the current situation of manliness in society and to be able to change it to a (virtuous) culture of TrueManhood, men are only a portion of the solution. Another important part in this change are women!
When I first met Dave he was not the man that he is today. Now, I am not going to say that it was because of me alone that he has decided to “change his ways”, but I will say that it was a series of challenges that I posed to him, that began his transformation into the man he is today.
Dave has always been a man who was not afraid to fight for justice and for what he believes in. However, when I met him, he was focused on doing it “Dave’s way”. I remember one time when we were dating when we got into a fight about something trivial, and he told me, “there’s Dave’s way and the wrong way”. This was the way he dealt with stuff – his way… and passionately! Now, what I have always loved about Dave is his passion and self-confidence, but this was an example of a time in his life when he was less-than-virtuous. What I feel Dave was lacking in his life when I first met him was – what I feel most men are missing – a woman to challenge and expect virtuous behavior. Looking back on it now, I don’t think Dave ever knew what to strive for because the women in his life never challenged him to obtain TrueManhood.
The question I pose is “how are we to expect men to behave a certain way, if we (women in general) lower our standards and accept mediocrity?” We simply cannot.
My goal as a guest blogger for Truemanhood.com is to help give women the tools to believe in their own value enough to expect the best out of the men in their lives. I agree whole-heartily with Dave, that if we are going to change the world, we must create a world of truly virtuous men; aka: TrueMen! Also, if we are expecting men to make this change then is it going to take the women of the world to step up and embody their roll in the change.
I hope you continue to check the site as I will be posting regularly. Please pass this along to your female friends… this is a journey that is meant for all of us.
Woman up!
~Catherine
Planned Parenthood Director Quits After Watching Abortion on Ultrasound
This is a great Pro-Life story. I often wonder how people (especially women) can lie to themselves about what’s taking place with an abortion. This woman’s story is a great testament to the power of our prayer to end the evils of abortion and the culture of death. Check out the video…
