To Clean the Clothes of Those With Dirty Clothing
The Corporal Works of Mercy are an incredibly important concept to be aware of. Mercy is a virtue and allows us a doorway into the life of Christ. Although today’s story isn’t specifically a work of mercy, it helped remind me of how fortunate I am. (Maybe it falls under “Clothe the Naked”?)
Today, I had the opportunity to lend a helping hand to a family in need. It wasn’t in the plans, and it wasn’t ideal, but I did it. So I was lying in bed with my wife, both children asleep for nap time, enjoying her company this afternoon and I received a phone call. It was my father-in-law asking if I was free to help move a washer and dryer. He knew it was not the ideal time (my wife had just come home, I was home watching the kids, it was a holiday-day-off, and so on) but he knew that he could count on me. So, I quickly left the house and made the drive to his home. When I arrived, the washer and dryer were ready and waiting to be hoisted into my truck bed and delivered to their new home.
The washer and dryer were an extra set that my in-laws had in their garage. They were taking up space there, but were still operational. My mother-in-law knows of many families, by way of her school, that are in need, and the family they donated these machines to were in great need. As I loaded the machines in my truck, drove them to the family’s mobile home and as I then proceeded to drive to my home, I felt very lucky to have had the opportunity to play a role in this little gift. It helped me to see the perspective of how great of a life I have, and how crummy of a life others may have. And, in the end, it doesn’t come down to stuff, or status. It comes down to happiness… joy. The family we delivered the washer and dryer didn’t need much. They were content with having a washer and dryer, no matter how old or how many loads of laundry (literally thousands) had been washed in the machines prior to their arrival at their new spot.
I want to urge you to do a corporal work of mercy regularly. It brings joy to your life, which is supposed to be a by-product of the work, but like many things, when you give of yourself without wanting/desiring/requesting anything back, you are actually the one who benefits most from the experience. I’m lucky to have been able to help this family today.
Man up!
In Response to the Negative
On January 8th I posted an article about what I titled “Imagining Bras – A Facebook Stunt“. I received a
significant number of very positive comments from readers who appreciated, and agreed, with what I had written. There were also a few individuals who sent negative comments about what I had written. I responded to these negative comments in another post, titled “In Response – Are You Serious?“. After posting that article, I received even more negative comments, I’d like to respond to some of that negative feedback here.
Overall, the feeling I sensed from those who commented was that I was pointing a finger at the women who posted their bra colors on Facebook. This was not my intent, so I apologize for the misunderstanding. I never intended to point fingers or place blame. Nor did I ever say that women were bad because of what they were doing, but simply that they probably didn’t know that they may have been leading men into sin by speaking about their bras. “Leading men into sin” was a major area of contention for some readers. Some of the comments I received were as follows: “It’s between him and the Lord (if he sins)” and “It’s totally ridiculous to point fingers at us… and to call us bad for causing men to sin”, or this one, “Sin? WTF? Isn’t that just human nature you’re trying to suppress? We are all just animals at the end of the day.”
I’ll make one thing clear: every person, as an individual, is responsible for his/her choices and actions, whether sinful or not. This DOES NOT mean that another person isn’t responsible for their part in influencing that person’s choices and/or actions. Regardless of the philosophy of responsibility, the question that keeps popping into my head when I read these comments is “are you so selfish and self-centered that you have a complete indifference about the salvation of other people?” This causes me deep anguish, knowing that there are people in the world that think like this.
I’ve really been struggling with just how to answer these comments, and I’ve decided that my answer isn’t going to specifically address each issue individually. My answer is intended to challenge my readers to think outside themselves. The more we look beyond our personal desires, the more virtuous we become. I could have left the Facebook stunt alone and not posted about it, but the tug on my heart was to attempt to show the need to be cognizant of how our part in this world effects others. None of us are on an island. Each of us must understand that we contribute (and sometimes, take away) from the welfare of the rest of society.
I know that this post doesn’t completely address the issues of those who made specific comments. My response may come another day. In the meantime, I challenge everyone to look at themselves and see where they can improve in behavior, character and attitude. If we (myself included at the top of that list) work to improve ourselves, and become the best version of ourselves, we will make an incredible change in the world… the world that needs us badly.
Man up!
Tools and Resources
TrueManhood Men’s Ministry offers various tools and resources for men. If you don’t see something on this site, but are curious if we have anything for you, please ask. Find us on social media, or email us at Info@TrueManhood.com.
Regarding pornography addiction: There are numerous resources available for men (and women) who have addictions to pornography. The essential element in dealing with an addiction is that the FIRST STEP towards recovery takes place. The next important step is the continual work. The journey is long and hard but the freedom that comes from breaking the chains of an addiction to pornography is almost overwhelming. I highly recommend checking out TrueManhood’s Guide called “5 Step Plan” and then determine what sort of resource(s) you need to make your plan effective. Here are just a few ideas, and a few resources.
- Serious prayer and a life full of the Sacraments!
- Your PLAN is essential, figure out what it needs to be, then put it into action.
- Accountability with your accountability partner. This person needs to be a man and should not be your female friend, sister, girlfriend, fiancée, or wife.
- Spiritual Direction with a priest. I recommend seeing a priest regularly so that you can obtain necessary graces from the Sacrament of Reconciliation.
- Sexaholics Anonymous – check your local area for locations and times.
- Counseling/Coaching (Email us at ContactUs@TrueManhood.com for more information.) Group Counseling may be a good option as well.
- Support Groups/Men’s Groups
- Books, Prayer Guides, DVDs, CDs, Podcasts, Websites, etc.
- Internet filters, software and firewalls.
I also highly recommend installing Covenant Eyes on all of your devices (including each and every device you have access to). For a reasonable monthly fee, Covenant Eyes offers accountability and filtering. Click HERE to receive a free month of Covenant Eyes.
TrueMan up!
A Father’s Prayer
A Father’s Prayer by Douglas MacArthur
In early 1942, when heading out-numbered United States forces in the Philippines, the late General Douglas MacArthur prayed this prayer many times at morning devotions, according to Major General Courtney Whitney, his long-time military aide. This prayer for his son, Arthur, is a spiritual legacy any son would cherish.
“Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak, and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid; one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat, and humble and gentle in victory.
Build me a son whose wishes will not take the place of deeds; a son who will know Thee-and that to know himself is the foundation stone of knowledge.
Lead him, I pray, not in the path of ease and comfort, but under the stress and spur of difficulties and challenge. Here let him learn to stand up in the storm; here let him learn compassion for those who fail.
Build me a son whose heart will be clear, whose goal will be high; a son who will master himself before he seeks to master other men; one who will reach into the future, yet never forget the past.
And after all these things are his, add, I pray, enough of a sense of humor, so that he may always be serious, yet never take himself too seriously. Give him humility, so that he may always remember the simplicity of true greatness, the open mind of true wisdom, and the meekness of true strength.
Then, I, his father, will dare to whisper, “I have not lived in vain.”
Man up!
Tuesdays with Daddy – Morning Offering and Daily Readings
January 12, 2010 by admin
Filed under Blog, Tuesdays with Daddy
I had an idea to implement some special prayer time and Scripture reading into each day with my girls. Even though they are young, I’m finding it very fruitful. My two year old and one year old don’t listen intently, nor would they have total comprehension if they did. That’s not the point. The point is that each and every day, in the morning, my children know that God is number one. Here’s what I’ve been doing.
Every morning, I get my children from their rooms, we do the necessary change of diapers/underwear, comb the hair and do morning hugs and kisses, and then we head into the kitchen for breakfast. Before any food is consumed, and before any milk in sippy cups is drunk, I have the girls join me in the sign of the cross, and I hold their hands as I offer our day for Christ. I want them to get in the habit of praying, of giving God our “firsts”, if you will. I also want them to know that we should make a sacrificial gift of ourselves to God.
After making our morning offering, I then put their bowls and drinks in front of them, and they begin to eat. This is prime time for their attention, so I began reading them the Scripture readings from each day; Sunday or weekday. I found an “app” on my phone that has all the readings from each day, which works out nicely because I always have my phone handy.
This entire process takes just under five minutes. My girls “stay with me” that long, so it doesn’t become tiresome, like some other prayer options we’ve tried. One of the best things about spending this time with them is that I’m actively participating in their spiritual growth. Their spiritual growth is my responsibility as their father. I cannot take that lightly. They see that prayer and time with the Word is important to me and they become used to it.
I’m going to continue this process until I see the need to change things up.
Man up!
“Is it Okay to Sleep Together if Nothing Else Happens?”
The following is an “Ask an Expert” question that I answered on iibloom.com earlier in the week. For the full thread, click HERE.
The Question: My boyfriend and I started sleeping in the same bed together. We are committed to not having sex outside of marriage, so we don’t do anything besides cuddling and kissing. He feels like this is a way for us to express our love for each other and spend more time together and says he has no desire to progress any farther than that. I like to snuggle and wake up to each other’s eyes and give each other massages and it hasn’t led to anything I feel is wrong. but I just feel like something isn’t right about it. I’m confused.
MY ANSWER: I urge you to follow the wisdom of your last statement, “I just feel like something isn’t right about it.” You’re right, there are things that aren’t right about sleeping in the same bed with someone prior to marriage and the commitment that comes along with the wedding vows. I recommend that you immediately refrain from sleeping in the same bed. There’s a lot going on here, so please allow me to take each piece one-by-one.
First, to you, the woman: I beg you to require a standard of perfection from your boyfriend. If he is doing something that you feel is “not quite right,” then demand something better from him. If you do end up marrying him, you should require perfection from him in all situations. Obviously, he is going to stumble, fall and fail (we all sin), but the requirement from you shouldn’t lessen. Women everywhere MUST require their men to set the standard of excellence in relationships. If your man isn’t fulfilling that standard, HE ISN’T GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU! Set your standards high, and make the men step up!
Secondly, for the man: Brother, you need to lead the relationship. Rationalizing and trying to justify the situation, because it feels good, is NOT the manly thing to do. You need to be fully committed to her before you allow her to sleep in your bed, or before you sleep in hers. How would you feel if she slept in another man’s bed, “even though nothing bad was happening?” You wouldn’t. Make the hard decision, the loving decision, and wait until you have fully committed yourself and your life to your new bride in marriage. The Church doesn’t have us go through the vows because it’s fun, or simply a tradition. The vows unite the two souls as one. It’s an incredible thing! You, as the man, MUST LEAD. If you are imitating Christ, then you are worthy of a woman following you. If not, then you’re not ready for that responsibility yet. Keep working on it until you’re there, and then continue to grow.
Be aware that cuddling and kissing, even with the best intentions, can lead to sex. In the heat of the moment, with a person that you love, it’s quite easy to give into physical/sexual acts that you may have planned against when you were of sound mind. I recommend that you both regulate the physical acts so that you aren’t placing yourselves in a position to fail. I recommend that you seek guidance from a trusted, faithful couple on how to do this properly. The fruits of your hard work won’t be apparent until you’re well into your marriage.
It is wonderful that your boyfriend wants you both to express your love for one another in a way that isn’t sexual, however, sleeping in the same bed is a disordered way of doing so. The intimacy between two people who share a bed is intense, and shouldn’t be taken lightly. Sleeping together, even without anything “happening” is dangerous because of the intimacy involved. Again, I urge you to immediately refrain from sleeping in the same bed together. There are other proper ways of showing your love, sleeping in the same bed should be reserved for a married couple who’s love is at a different level than yours. I’m not saying that your love isn’t true, I’m saying that it can’t be at the level of a married couple’s because of the grace that comes from the Sacrament of Matrimony. The more perfect your dating/engaged time is, the more perfected your marriage will be.
Although intercourse may not be taking place (yet), sexual emotions are being involved when you are sleeping together, waking up with one another, giving massages, and so on. If the man isn’t ready to commit fully to you, you should not be allowing him into your sexual emotions. This is NOT guarding your heart, nor his. In the event that you do get married, refraining from “married stuff” while dating will only strengthen your marriage. I know that it’s hard to see now, but trust me, I just went through all this a few years ago…I know what I’m talking about.
Last thing, you mention that “it hasn’t led to anything that I feel is wrong.” I caution you to be the judge of what is morally acceptable and what is not. The Church and Her wisdom has already set a standard for us, and although we play a big role in forming our conscience to follow Her standards, it isn’t up to us to determine right from wrong. If you KNOW that what you are doing is wrong, then stop your actions. Stopping is the loving (charitable) thing to do, even though it will be hard and you’ll be tempted to give in.
I wish you the best of luck in your difficult decisions ahead. May you grow in faith, hope and love because of your difficulties.
In Response – Are You Serious?
I received a comment from a blog reader today and I believe I need to post her comment and my response. Thoughts are appreciated in the comment section below!
Dear *commentor*,
Thank you for your comment on my website today. I would like to engage in conversation about the issues at hand, and attempt to shed light on the way a man’s brain works. You wrote:
[“I don’t like to use the word dumb but are you serious???? I’m pretty sure there are worse things in this world than posting a bra color and some weirdo commiting a “sin” (masturbating) to it. And Man Up?? How about you man up and realize that porno isn’t just a woman’s issue and if women stop taking their clothes off I’m pretty sure that gay men-on-men porno would still exist. And if you’re one of those men that are struggling with seeing a color posted then get off of Facebook and seek help ASAP. Woman up!’]
I sometimes get negative feedback about things I write, and I’m more than capable of handling the critiques. Please allow me to clarify. Yes, I’m very serious on this subject. Are there worse things in the world than this? Yes, absolutely. Does the content of the topic have effects on some men, yes, most definitely. I question your use of the word “weirdo” in this context – it seems out of place and unnecessary. Most men (even faithful Christian men) have/do/will have addiction issues to pornography and/or masturbation, and whether you know it or not, both are mortal sins. Bras are more to men than simply a piece of fabric, they represent more than just an undergarment. Bras are enticing and intriguing and may get a man’s mind racing with thoughts and emotions, and for some men, the chemicals in the brain plays tricks on them when the image or even thought of a bra pops in their heads. I know this may sound silly, and a bit off-base, but it’s the truth. Women’s minds don’t work like men’s minds do, but even the slightest image/thought can provoke a man to give into sexual temptations, thus leading him into sin.
The term “Man up!” is a term that I end all my posts with. It means, in simple terms, “Be a real man, live virtue!”. If this is offensive to you, that was not my intent.
The reason why I brought up women in pornography was not to place blame or shuck responsibility for men, but to bring to the light that the issues of pornography are occurring because of both genders. If the women of pornography held a higher standard for themselves, there would be no women in porn. The issue of homosexual pornography is all-together something different.
By stating that “if a man is struggling with seeing a color… seek help ASAP” you are missing my point. The point is that even the slightest sexual temptation can lead a man to sin. Men need women to help them along in the journey to holiness, not hinder them. It may seem ludacrous to waste time talking about things like this, but we have to talk about even the seemingly “small” issues. I assure you, the more we turn a blind eye to situations like this, the more we will allow ourselves to be okay with where the world is going. I am not okay with it, and that’s why I’m attempting to shed light on it.
Thanks for your time. If you have any thoughts, comments or questions, please send them my way.
Respectfully,
Dave
