The TrueManhood Podcast – Episode 10 The 5 Step Plan

Dave follows up his previous episode (on pornography) with an explanation of his “5 Step Plan for Overcoming an Addiction to Pornography & Masturbation.” The 5 steps are usable for other areas, and are encouraged (generically) as a way to grow in holiness. Contact Dave for assistance by emailing Dave@TrueManhood.com.

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But How? Helping Men Overcome

One of the questions I’m asked most often is “If a man is addicted to porn, what can he do to overcome it?”  I’d like to tell you that there’s an “easy button” that a man can push and be done with it, but it’s definitely not that simple.  It’s such a frequent question because so many men are addicted and literally don’t know what to do.  Many will tell me that “I’ve tried everything but nothing worked.”  Some will say “I didn’t know what to do so I didn’t do anything.”  All of them know that they want out of the chains that bind them, and all of them know that something has to happen, but so few know what really works.

I have a “5 Step Plan” that could be a good starting point for you.  It’s worked for many men, I believe it can work for you as well.  There are some areas of the plan that are nuanced, the most important of those areas is accountability.  [I hope to create a video about accountability soon to help explain it further.]  There are plenty of other plans, programs, ideas, formats, resources, and approaches that you can find and try.  For men who are extremely troubled by their addiction and who need a full-on attack, some would suggest Sexaholics Anonymous groups, counseling, and/or reparative brain therapy.   You are obviously welcome to try them – do whatever you need to experience freedom.

Regardless of what method you choose, one thing is for sure… every man needs accountability.  The reason accountability is so important is because it forces us to be honest about our life, and forces us to take responsibility for our actions.  An accountability partner is someone very close to you, with whom you can be honest and forthright.  Failing to be 100% open and honest will result in failed accountability.  If you can’t be honest, don’t even start… you’re wasting everyone’s time.  Don’t get me wrong, I know that it’s extremely hard to be honest and that vulnerable.  It’s not a sign of weakness to be vulnerable, it’s a sign of wisdom.

For some, knowing what other men have done, tried, and what has worked or not is a great benefit.  Other men will want to blaze their own trail.  Either way, a man needs to do something, anything.  Be sure, accountability is not something that is okay or acceptable in the cultural manliness lifestyle, so not many will understand and few will encourage it.  Don’t let them get in your way.

Following Step 3 of the 5 Step Plan, you’ll see that you need to “find a brother”, meet as frequently as you need, and be deliberate about your approach.  Watch for the video on accountability, along with a still-to-come TrueManhood guide to accountability.  Another frequent question or road block I hear is about finding this brother for accountability…. so few men actually have male friends, let alone a man they feel comfortable to invite into this sort of relationship.  For those who need it, I offer my services to work through the beginning stages of accountability and beyond.  Contact me for more information.  ContactUs@TrueManhood.com.

TrueMan up!

Tools and Resources

TrueManhood Men’s Ministry offers various tools and resources for men.  If you don’t see something on this site, but are curious if we have anything for you, please ask.  Find us on social media, or email us at Info@TrueManhood.com.

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Regarding pornography addiction: There are numerous resources available for men (and women) who have addictions to pornography.  The essential element in dealing with an addiction is that the FIRST STEP towards recovery takes place.  The next important step is the continual work.  The journey is long and hard but the freedom that comes from breaking the chains of an addiction to pornography is almost overwhelming.  I highly recommend checking out TrueManhood’s Guide called “5 Step Plan” and then determine what sort of resource(s) you need to make your plan effective.  Here are just a few ideas, and a few resources.

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• Serious prayer and a life full of the Sacraments!
• Your PLAN is essential, figure out what it needs to be, then put it into action.
• Accountability with your accountability partner.  This person needs to be a man and should not be your female friend, sister, girlfriend, fiancée, or wife.
• Spiritual Direction with a priest.  I recommend seeing a priest regularly so that you can obtain necessary graces from the Sacrament of Reconciliation.
• Sexaholics Anonymous – check your local area for locations and times.
• Counseling/Coaching (Email us at ContactUs@TrueManhood.com for more information.)  Group Counseling may be a good option as well.
• Support Groups/Men’s Groups
• Books, Prayer Guides, DVDs, CDs, Podcasts, Websites, etc.
• Internet filters, software and firewalls.

I also highly recommend installing Covenant Eyes on all of your devices (including each and every device you have access to).  For a reasonable monthly fee, Covenant Eyes offers accountability and filtering.  Click HERE to receive a free month of Covenant Eyes.

TrueMan up!