TRUEMANHOOD PODCAST – EPISODE 14 – SUMMER PLANS

Dave has some special words for college, high school, and middle school students about how to dominate summer time! This episode is great for parents, too! Please share this information with any young person in your life. Be proactive, make a plan, set goals, and dominate! GO!

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Porn – Out of Sight, Out of Mind?

I’m now a couple of weeks into my new career as a teacher.  I’m really enjoying it, and the kids are amazing.  We have great conversations about the faith, and I really believe that I’m reaching them.  As I consider each of my classes and each of my students, I haven’t yet breached the subject of pornography.  I’m working now to form bonds of trust and mutual respect, and want to work towards gaining moral authority with my students.  We’ll get there, and I don’t think it will take long.

In one class specifically, but in all seven of my classes generally, I’ll be diving into the topic of The Theology of the Body, and when we dive into that topic, we must (absolutely MUST) discuss the topic of pornography.  So I’ve been thinking about how I’m going to breach the subject, and how I’m going to deal with the responses.  I’ve presented to middle and high school kids plenty of times on the topic, but never in the classroom setting… always in retreat and/or talk situations.  This is going to be much different.

This got me thinking… if parents don’t fail with pornography use themselves, and also don’t know whether or not their children do, does the topic ever cross their mind?  Is pornography an “out of sight, out of mind” problem?  I know it crosses mine because I’m aware of the realities in my own life (past use), as well as the realities of the industry and the prevalence.  Here are some distinct groups when it comes to porn awareness.

1. Users: obviously, they’re highly aware of porn and are abusing it frequently.  It’s on their mind, if not constantly, very regularly.
2. Those fighting: highly aware and trying to create awareness in others.
3. Those in recovery: depending on the length of recovery, it may not be a frequent awareness, but they’re aware.
4. Those oblivious: have no knowledge of the topic, aren’t aware at all.
5. Those in denial: refusal to believe that porn is actually a problem.

What group do you fall in?  Are you a man using porn?  Does it rule your life?  What are you doing about it if this is you?  Or, are you in recovery?  Perhaps you’re oblivious and don’t know much about porn.  (You’ve come to a good site to learn more about the truths of pornography!  Just do a search in the white box.)  Are you a parent who is in denial of how bad pornography is and how likely your child is using it?  Wherever you might be, please continue to educate yourself on the matter and realize that, even if porn is “out of sight”, it can’t be “out of mind.”

I hope to be creating some good new resources for parents on the topic of fighting pornography, and I want to get them out to you very soon.  In the meantime, please look through my site for help.  Email info@truemanhood.com for specific questions.

TrueMan up!

Be Encouraged for Back-to-School!

The start of the school season is here.  That time of year when kids wish that summer lasted a few more weeks, and mom’s wish their babies weren’t growing up so fast.  When teachers stress (or so I’m told) about getting their rooms ready, organized, and situated and fall sport coaches get geared up for practices to begin.  And our American way of life gets its schedule back.

Personally, I haven’t been this excited about a school year, well… maybe ever.  I’m actually pumped for school to start.  I can’t wait to welcome my students to my classroom for the first time!  I will begin teaching middle school and high school theology, having a total of seven classes per day.  It’s going to be a rollercoaster schedule, but I’m really excited about it.  I’m teaching 6th-10th grades, and 2 electives which I hope to highlight more in the future.  “Faith & Action” for 7th-9th graders and “Faith & Strength” for 11th-12th.  These classes are going to be amazing.  I have the honor and pleasure of helping to form these young minds and souls in the truths of Christ Jesus!  What better honor could their be?!

Whatever you’re feeling in regards to back-to-school, here’s a few things to keep in mind:

FOR KIDS: School is about more than grades, gossip, and gross cafeteria food.  Embrace school, and all the trials that come along with it, to help build you into the person God is calling you to be.  Set goals for yourself for what you’d like to achieve this year – whether they be academic, athletic, extra-curricular, or a mix of all of them.  Don’t take this time in your life for granted… soak it up, enjoy it, and live each day to the fullest.  I challenge you to be pro-active (don’t procrastinate!) with your homework, set your priorities straight, and to be determined to always be a positive influence in your school.  Be a heroicly virtuous leader among your peers!

FOR PARENTS: You have the power to shape the “mental game” of your child!  If you help them to see things correctly, to properly order their day, to set them up for success… they will be all the better for it!  Ask your child questions, engage them in what’s going on in school (don’t forget about the social aspect – so many parents don’t have a clue) and help them to set goals.  I like the idea of monthly, quarterly, and semester goal-setting.  (We’ll be goal-setting in my classes.)  Outlaw the lame, but ever so popular, question “How was school today?”  Instead, ask them engaging questions like: 1. What was the most important thing you said today?  2. How were you a leader at school today? (Notice that I don’t leave room for “I wasn’t a leader.”  Expect your child to execute leadership!  Learning their leadership style, possibly through their temperament, would be a great exercise.)  3. What did you do today to help you achieve your goals?  4. What mistakes did you make today and how will you make sure you don’t make them again?  (And so on. Choose one or two a day, don’t feel like you need to ask them all every day.  Come up with your own.)  Even small children can have conversations about these concepts, and it’s much more effective than one-word responses and helps teach children valuable communication skills.  In our house, we also go around the table, asking everyone these two questions: 1. What was your favorite part of the day? 2. How did you make the choice to love today?  GREAT for conversations!

A word to the dads: Dads, if you’re not actively involved in the schooling process of your children, make a “new school year” resolution and become involved.  An easy way to engage is to make sure that your family has dinner together every night and that you ask some of those important questions at that time.  I know there are a million and one excuses about why dinner doesn’t happen as a family, but it’s super important to “break bread” together. Lead the conversation, get to know the inner workings of your kid’s brain, and build the trust with them that you expect should be there.  It doesn’t just happen on its own – you have to work at it and earn it from them.  When you do, you’ll be effective in speaking into their lives – possibly the single most important thing you can do!  Go Dads!

May God bless your school year, your school, your teachers and coaches, and most imporantly, our children.

TrueMan up!

Protecting Boys after High School

High school graduations are upon us, and many of those graduates will be moving on to bigger and better things.  When they’re gone, they’re still your child, and you still have some responsibility for their sanctification.  Although they’re of adult age, and many will be out of the house, your parental role doesn’t stop, it merely changes.  How then do you help your college-aged, young adult children?  Well, here are a few tips.

1. Don’t Lie to Yourself: Realize that they’ve seen more, done more, and have been exposed to more than you’d probably like. If they’ve seen any mainstream media, heard any popular music, or hung out with any other children who have done so, they’ve seen it, done it, and/or have been exposed to it.  The “it” is the junk, filth, and garbage that’s out there in TV, movies, music, magazines, and all over the internet.
2. Be Aware: Most institutions of higher education don’t filter, block, or have regulations against pornography and other filth on the internet. Some do, but those systems are rare.
3. New Found Freedom and Rebellion: Being out of the house lends itself towards rebellious views and ideas of invincibility, especially on the college campus. These institutions are typically not calling the boys towards authentic masculinity, but rather, allows and encourages on-going childishness and “cultural manliness”.

It doesn’t matter what they go on to do, they’ll be exposed to more and more than ever before.  Even faithful, Catholic schools have problems with protecting their students, and your child isn’t the exception to the rule.  Okay, okay… downer Dave here… as usual, killing the excitement and joy surrounding graduation.  Harping on the bad news and leaving everyone scared to raise kids in America.  Sorry.  Well, not really.  Instead of only harping on the bad, I’ve got a great tool to aid you in your parenting.  It’s called Covenant Eyes, and I fully endorse their products.

Covenant Eyes is a filtering and accountability software for PCs, Macs, smartphones, and tablets.  It works on a plethora of devices and they continually develop the software to keep up with the latest and greatest gadgets.  Covenant Eyes does a number of things, and while I can’t tell you all of them in this short post, here are three of the most practical things it does, especially for your boy (or girl) heading off to college.

1. Peace of Mind: Covenant Eyes lends itself towards giving parents peace of mind that the content that their child (even their young adult child) is protected from content that is bad for them. The filtering helps to block explicit, pornographic, and malicious content from entering the device.
2. A Talking Point: Covenant Eyes is a gateway to conversation between parents and children. It gives a parent the opportunity to discuss the content, not ignore it.  It gives the child the responsibility of having the device, with the accountability to back it up.
3. Keepin’ It Real: Covenant Eyes keeps everything honest, open, and transparent. The truth is the truth, and if a site has been visited that shouldn’t have been, or an app has been utilized that shouldn’t have been, or questionable online behavior is happening, it puts it all out on the table.  When it’s out there, it can be dealt with.

And it’s not only good for older kids, it’s great for everyone in the house.  Dads – you need this software on your devices to keep you honest.  Moms can benefit from it too!  (Did you know that 1 out of 4 church-going women admit to being addicted to pornography?!)  And our pure, innocent littles… it’s the least we can do for them.  The least.

So how do you start using Covenant Eyes?  Click HERE to go to the Covenant Eyes site to sign up for your free one-month trial.  That’s right, it couldn’t be easier, just head on over and they’ll let you try it out for a month at no cost.  (The link takes you to my affiliate page automatically.)  Once you’ve signed up, you’ll download the program on your computer(s), laptop(s), and iOS/Android devices (get the app), set up the functionality you want to utilize (in the setting portion of the account), and immediately, the device is protected.  If you have ANY problems, or struggle with technology (like so many parents do), simply call their customer service line and they will walk you through everything.  It’s totally worth it, easy to do, and gives you that all-important peace of mind.  What’s stopping you?  Do it today!

Covenant Eyes has a monthly cost after the initial free month trial.  Considering all of the junk out there, I find the minimal costs to be well worth the souls of our children.  One monthly cost covers ALL of your family’s devices.  Hard to beat.  I’ve tried tons of different blocks, filters, and accountability, and by far, this is my favorite.

TrueMan up!

Hand-helds in Little Hands?

“Keep hand-held devices out of small children’s hands.”  It seems like a common-sense approach to me, but I am constantly see small children (younger and younger every day) with hand-held devices.  I even see it in Mass, which boggles my mind.  The damage being done is mostly under the surface, so maybe we aren’t really aware of just what’s happening.  I recently read an article from a pediatric occupational therapist and thought I’d summarize what she wrote.

*DADS:  Before you read any further, and this post becomes hard to read b/c it hits too close to home, keep in mind that we didn’t have these devices.  We played outside.  We skinned our knees.  We got dirty.  We lived an adventure.  Get your kids away from the screens, and send them outside!  This is an opportunity to step in and make some life-changing decisions for your children.

1. Rapid Brain Growth: she said that “early brain development is determined upon environmental stimuli, or lack thereof.”  Think about it… nowadays we have all sorts of issues that never seemed to exist “back then”.  ADD, ADHD, hyper-activity, impulse, etc.  A cure?  GO OUTSIDE.
2. Delayed Development: imagine a few inches of a screen vs. an entire outside playground with toys, bikes, balls, and the like.  Physical, mental, emotional, relational, development is hindered behind a screen.
3. Epidemic Obesity: nothing to add.
4. Sleep Deprivation: when we’re constantly plugged in, it’s hard to shut it off.  Kids need sleep (in pretty sizeable quantities) to develop properly, especially at young ages.
5. Mental Illness: apparently the increase in child technology overuse is shown to be related to a drastic increase in depression, anxiety, ADD, etc.  (I don’t know if I’m sold on this one, but it wouldn’t surprise me.)
6. Aggression: content leads to action.  What our kids consume they will become.  (You are what you eat.)
7. Digital Dimentia: kids who can’t pay attention can’t learn.  (Again, I’m not sure about this one, specifically, but I’m sure it correlates.)
8. Addictions: I have no doubt in my mind that this one is 100% fully absolutely without a doubt true.  Let’s see… addiction to junk on the screen or addicted to the outdoors?  GO OUTSIDE!
9. Radiation emissions: I’m convinced that there’s a conspiracy going on where cancer from radiation is in and comes from everything.
10. Unsustainable: these methods, of overuse of technology starting at a crazy-young-age, by which our children function, grow, learn, and develope aren’t sustainable.

Let’s link this to virtue, because everything should.  To be virtuous, and to instill this in our children, we must possess TEMPERANCE.  Temperance moderates our attraction to pleasure.  We should find ourselves somewhere in a moderate level of use.

Look… I’m NOT a technology hater.  I’m not trying to point fingers… that’s not what we do here.  I have multiple laptops, a tablet, a smart phone, a flat screen, Roku TV, and obviously have a presence online.  However, when it comes to my kids, they don’t spend time on my hand-held devices.  They do, however, spend some time on learning sites (we like ABCMouse.com when they’re young), and do math-fact-games, etc. on an old laptop.  They watch the occasional movie (our family favorites are “The Sound of Music” and “Mary Poppins”.)  But, and this is the point here… it’s regulated.  They spend exponentially more time outside, in the fresh air, without their eyes buggin’ out staring at a screen.  They also spend a ton of time reading books.  Every. Single. Day.  My kids are young, but hold conversations with adults, are polite, have imaginations, and are well-spoken.  It makes a difference.

OK – now it’s time to think about our own use.  OUCH!  Am I right or am I right?  Adults won’t be as effected in terms of the developmental pieces, but our noses in screens has a negative impact on us, too.  Same principle applies… GO OUTSIDE!

TrueMan up!

Because I’m Happy

Recently, World Down Syndrome Day was celebrated to bring awareness, and as an attempt at equality for those who have Down Syndrome (DS), and for those who live and work with people with DS.  I missed posting this information that day, but better late than never.

Why am I deciding to write on this topic, something seemingly distant from authentic masculinity?  I’m not the father, brother, cousin, or neighbor of someone with DS.  Why do I care?  Because, as with most social discourse, men play a vital role in doing what is right and for protecting innocent life.  In a culture that talks highly of equality, “tolerance”, and “not judging”, it’s amazingly sad to me that somehow it is acceptable to discriminate because someone looks and acts differently than you or I.

For those who may not know, Down Syndrome is a naturally occurring chromosomal arrangement; humans with 47 chromosomes (as opposed to the “normal” 46) have Down Syndrome.  Regardless of the medical side of things, we know something very important – people are people, and every human person deserves the right to life.  (Watch this awesome video giving you a tiny glimpse into the joy of life lived vigorously.  Watch it closely – it is pertinent to the discussion.)

Many (seemingly countless) pregnancies are terminated because the baby is thought or believed to have DS.  My own niece was one of these babies “thought to have Down’s” – and the doctors were wrong.  They were simply guessing, but advised the parents to terminate.  Thank God that my sister-in-law wouldn’t consider abortion. 

So here’s where the authentic masculinity comes in.  Males – be TrueMen, and stand up for life.  Defend the most vulnerable among us, and put an end to abortion-on-demand, especially for ridiculous reasons like “the quality of life of this child will not be suitable for every day living” or “they won’t be normal” or “it will be difficult to raise this child.”  If you happen to be SO BLESSED to be a father of a child with Down Syndrome, embrace the gift that God has given you.  Look at the parents of the babies in the video… they have true joy at the life and love that is their child.

It is amazing to me, how pro-life (from natural conception to natural death) our small middle-of-nowhere town is.  We have several families with children with DS, and if you asked any of them, they will tell you how radically changed they are, for the better, because of their child.  In a time in our culture where people with DS are considered diseased, sick, worthless, and/or a burden on society, we see families here embracing their gift.  A friend of ours recently told my wife, “When we first found out that our daughter had DS, I wondered what God was doing and why He chose me for this path.  Now, I realize that she’s the blessing that I needed.”

Some of you already know that I have a long-standing offer, but I will re-offer now, and certainly many more times during my lifetime.  I promise that this offer is not about me – but rather, about the babies.  The offer: if you, or someone you run into, is considering abortion, but are willing to discuss not murdering your child, even for one simple phone call discussion, I pledge to adopt your child, love them as their biological father, and pay for all of your pregnancy expenses.  This offer includes babies with Down Syndrome.  Spread the word – your baby deserves a loving family – let us help you.  I will do this for countless babies, if only to save their lives.

TrueMan up!

Bought with a Price

I am profoundly excited to bring you a great anti-pornography resource, a revised edition of a Pastoral Letter from Bishop Paul Loverde from the Diocese of Arlington, Virginia.  This pastoral letter originally came out eight years ago, but has been reissued because of the severe and overwhelming need.  “Bought with a Price” – Every Man’s Duty to Protect Himself and His Family from a Pornographic Culture.  It includes a new foreword from anti-porn leader, Matt Fradd.

The intended re-release of this letter is March 19, 2014 – the Feast of St. Joseph, patron saint of fathers.  I highly encourage everyone to read this letter and put what you read into action.

“Today’s father must protect himself and his children from the relentless assault of an increasingly pornographic culture; moreover, mothers share this sacred task.  Every home now stands in the pathway of this attack on our children’s innocence and purity.  If we are not vigilant, our sons and daughters will pay a steep and heartrending price.” p.6

Fathers – it is critical that we work to protect ourselves and our families from the evils of pornography.  First, ourselves, and then those around us and under our care. 

In a future post, I will write on the topic of “helping parents protect their children from the internet” – a talk that I give about the harms of the internet and how to practically handle the situation.  One of the most important aspects of this topic is to have conversations with our children.  If you think that your child isn’t or won’t be affected by pornography, you are wrong.  If your children have internet accessible devices and you don’t know that they can (and probably do) access pornography, you are naïve.  How then do you handle this?  You talk about it!  And it’s never too early to talk about it… when done properly, prudently, and age-appropriately.  (Note: the average age of first exposure to pornography in America is now 8 years old and dropping rapidly!)

Do you expect your child to understand mathematics on their own, with no instruction?  What about anatomy, biology, history?  Certainly not.  The old adage, “having the sex talk” is a misnomer, implying that parents should only speak to their children one time about sex.  Simply check a box and it’s handled.  This does not work.  We should instruct our children on a properly ordered understanding of sexuality, and instruct them often.  I start imparting knowledge on the topic very early with my children… even before they can truly understand.  It sets the tone, and creates a solid foundation for them to grow upon.  As each child gets older, the topic broadens, the seriousness increases, and the formation I desire heavily to provide to my children is strengthened. 

Take the time and read this pastoral letter from Bishop Loverde, then act on it!

TrueMan up!

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