The TrueManhood Podcast – Episode 10 The 5 Step Plan

Dave follows up his previous episode (on pornography) with an explanation of his “5 Step Plan for Overcoming an Addiction to Pornography & Masturbation.” The 5 steps are usable for other areas, and are encouraged (generically) as a way to grow in holiness. Contact Dave for assistance by emailing Dave@TrueManhood.com.

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Rugged Rosaries – A Product Review

Rugged. Strong. Hefty. Masculine. Words to describe my new Rosary from a company by the name of Rugged Rosaries, by CordBands.com.  This company reached out to me about advertising on the site, but before I could okay that, I wanted to see the product firsthand.  I wanted to see the follow through, the craftsmanship, the quality, the final product.  They delivered!

I was amazed at the turnaround time.  Within 48 hours of requesting the Rosary, I received it in the mail.  The entire package was impressive, including more than was expected.  From the Rosary, to the packaging, to the significance of the business card, the pride that Shannon and her family take in the Rosaries they make is evident.  They’ve turned a hobby and passion into a serious evangelization tool for the Church.  There are tons of designs, options, and unique gifts.  I cannot recommend their product highly enough!

If you’re a parent looking for a teen boy (or older), a wife looking for her husband, or a godparent, Confirmation sponsor, or mentor looking for a classy, masculine gift… look no further.  The price point is higher than a cheap, plastic Rosary or other tied cord Rosaries – and for good reason.  You won’t be replacing this paracord Rosary, nor the hefty beads anytime soon!  I’ve had many Rosaries in my pocket over the past 12 years (since my conversion) and none of them have lasted much more than 2 years, tops.  I’ve ruined some of my favorite and most meaningful Rosaries carrying them around with me.  The rope, chains, and beads broke.  The knots became loose and frayed.  I had to continually change my everyday-carry Rosary.  You will not have that problem with this product!

Please, take some time and head over to CordBands.com to check out the site.  And with a 100% satisfaction guarantee, you can’t go wrong.

Want more on the Rosary?  Search “ROSARY” in the white search box on this site!

TrueMan up!

Rosary Masculinity – May, the Month of Mary

I often tell men that the Rosary, although a bit contrary to our initial inclination, is an incredibly powerful prayer for men.  After all, if we want to be more like Christ (the perfection of masculinity), shouldn’t we think about, imitate and meditate on his life?  What a perfect tool the Church gives us in the Rosary!

Here’s a great article from Jason Godin, posted on Catholic News Agency yesterday, May 2, 2011 about Rosary Masculinity…

Some elements of our culture are calling men to embrace a very dark form of masculinity, based on violence, domination of women and self-adulation – messages that are found in video games, movies and music.

Yet real men know the emptiness, futility and ultimate falsehood of this view of life. As we begin this month of May – this month of Mary – men from all walks of life should accept the challenge of living a different form of masculinity by praying the rosary daily. Men who commit themselves to contemplating the rosary mysteries will discover a treasury of lessons on how to define masculinity and live it actively, fearlessly and full of hope.

Joyful Mysteries

The Joyful Mysteries, recited on Mondays and Saturdays, provide a basic definition of masculinity. By exalting in the fact that Mary answered “Yes” to the angel Gabriel at the Annunciation, men can see that the masculine life is worth living as God chose to live among men. Placing oneself prayerfully in the sandals of St. Joseph at the Nativity helps men appreciate how the masculine life, even in its earliest stage, is also precious and worth defending. The Presentation reveals how men can find authentic masculinity by remaining obedient observers of absolute truth found through, in, and with Christ. Living, defending, and obediently observing absolute truth is not easy for men in any age of history, but as Zachariah must have realized upon learning that his barren wife, Elizabeth, carried a child, nothing is impossible with God.

Luminous Mysteries

The Luminous Mysteries, the latest addition to the rosary added by Blessed John Paul II, are recited on Thursdays. In these “Mysteries of Light,” the public ministry of Jesus Christ between his Baptism and his Passion reveals to men how to transform their masculinity into fearless action. Jesus proclaimed the Kingdom of God by instructing others with teachings and parables. The lessons continue to remain relevant for men in their mission for masculinity, as Jesus addressed such topics as anger, adultery, divorce, oaths, retaliation, almsgiving, and fasting (cf. Mt 3-7). The Wedding at Cana and, later, the Transfiguration, confirm how real masculinity requires not only listening to Jesus when instructed by Mary, but to do so fearlessly (cf. Jn 2:5, Mt 17:7). The Institution of the Eucharist nourishes men with the fact that such fearless, active masculinity is never accomplished alone.

The Sorrowful Mysteries

The Sorrowful Mysteries, recited on Tuesdays and Fridays, illustrate for men the personal price of responsible masculinity. Jesus’ agonizing prayer on the Mount of Olives reminds men that even the Alpha Male struggled but persevered in love for mankind (cf. Lk 22:42). Jesus himself suffered harsh physical pain when scourged at the pillar and crowned with thorns by mocking soldiers. Masculinity demands men constantly to carry their own crosses – in their families, workplace, and communities – with the same humble stamina of Jesus. The crucifixion illuminates in a profound way how masculinity requires that men must ultimately “die to self” in their service and love of others.

Glorious Mysteries

The Glorious Mysteries, recited on Wednesdays and Sundays, provide masculinity with crucial dimensions of renewal, hope andnobility. When contemplating the Resurrection, men realize how they can always rediscover and relive masculinity even when they stumble. The Ascension directs masculine sights away from mundane goals and toward a destiny of heavenly triumph. Pentecost, when the Holy Spirit descended upon the disciples, shows how the power of the Holy Spirit can provide even a timid masculinity with an inner strength. Finally, the Assumption and Coronation of the Blessed Virgin Mary illustrate masculinity as a knightly privilege, where men walk beside Mary, the Queen of the Angels and Saints, when contemplating the face of Christ.

Men, use this month to pray the rosary on a daily basis. But be prepared. Heeding the challenge just might make you think and act more like a man of God.

* Jason Godin teaches U.S. history at Blinn College in Bryan, Texas, where he lives with his wife and two children.

And, just as a shout out to a friend and former college and master’s level professor… I HIGHLY recommend Dr. Edward Sri’s book “The New Rosary in Scripture” as a guide to help you pray the Rosary from a Scriptural standpoint.  It is a great resource.

TrueMan up!

A Message from Dads.org Founder, Steve Wood

Here’s the latest message from Dads.org Founder, Steve Wood…

Raising Boys to Men in an Effeminate Culture

I’d like to extend a special welcome to the three hundred new subscribers who recently signed up for this newsletter after seeing the re-broadcasts of my EWTN series The Carpenter’s Shop.

The re-broadcast of this series brought to mind my interview with Dr. Joseph Nicolosi, author of A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality. Dr. Nicolosi, an orthodox Catholic psychologist, is the world’s leading expert in treating youth experiencing gender identity confusion, or struggling with homosexuality. This interview also sparked my desire to reprint one of my favorite articles that I’ve written over the years: Lessons for Dads from Secondhand Lions.

Lots of Christian parents who had assumed homosexuality could never strike a loved one in their family now realize how wrong they were to be complacent about this terrible threat.

If you think homosexuality can’t possibly strike any of your children, take note of a survey of 34,706 12-year-olds from Minnesota. The survey found that 25.9 percent of these kids weren’t sure whether they were homosexual or heterosexual. That’s astounding. However at the age of 12 a child isn’t suffering from homosexuality but rather a gender identity confusion, which is a fixable problem.

Much better than trying to fix a problem is preventing it. Dr. Nicolosi is crystal clear that the best way to prevent homosexuality is for a father to be lovingly involved in his son’s life. A son’s attachment to his father as he matures throughout boyhood and adolescence is the key for his healthy masculine development. To put it simply – it takes a man to make a man out of a boy.

I strongly recommend the following four steps to learn how a father (grandfather, uncle, coach, scout leader, or a mentor) helps a boy become a man:

Step 1 – Read the article below, Lessons for Dads from Secondhand Lions

Step 2 – Watch the movie, Secondhand Lions

Step 3 – Read A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality

Step 4 – Watch Secondhand Lions a second time

The four-step plan outlined above is perfect for individual fathers and it is an ideal study plan for a men’s small group.

The most frequent parenting mistake I see is the failure to anticipate the needs of teenagers during early childhood. Another mistake is failing to anticipate the needs of young adults during the teenage years. Make no mistake: you have to be at least one or two steps ahead of your children. Take action now to prevent your children from getting caught up in the worldwide spread of homosexuality.

Lessons for Dads from Secondhand Lions

My movie recommendations are hopelessly obsolete since by the time I get around to seeing a movie it is usually about to leave theaters. So this article isn’t a preview, but a reflection on a fascinating film for fathers.

Secondhand Lions featuresWalter, a shy and awkward boy being raised by an irresponsible single mom with multiple boyfriends. Walter is abandoned for the summer when his mother drops him off at the rundown, rural Texas home of his great uncles.

At the difficult stage of life when a boy needs to mature into his manhood, Walter seems to have every conceivable strike against his healthy development. Yet Walter’s manhood miraculously matures as a result of his relationship with two cranky old men.

Garth and Hub (Michael Caine and Robert Duvall) are the gruff-talking, shotgun-toting, anti-social, rough-around-the-edges, great uncles. They sure don’t have Ph.D.’s in developmental psychology, and at first they don’t seem particularly interested in helping to make a man out of Walter. In fact, Garth and Hub seem like the worst possible father-substitutes for this semi-orphaned boy. Yet they do a marvelous job in helping Walter make the transition from boyhood to manhood.

Here are Garth and Hub’s secrets for turning this boy into a young man: Shoot, fish, eat, work, ride in the truck, and have lots of fun as guys – not really too complicated. They just did all this stuff together and, despite having every social strike against him, Walter grows into a well-adjusted man.

It takes a man to convey and confirm masculinity to a boy. It doesn’t come via auto-pilot. It doesn’t come from the most committed and talented mother, or female teacher. Dad, let me repeat this: It takes a man to help a boy develop his masculinity. I wrote this in The ABCs of Choosing a Good Husband:

“A young boy is naturally drawn into a close attachment to his mother. Being a ‘mama’s boy’ under seven years of age is fine and healthy. And yet for a boy to mature fully in his masculinity, he needs to ‘detach’ from Mom and form a closer attachment with his father throughout older boyhood and adolescence.

A boy matures into manhood through this close identification with his father. Once a young man has fully matured in this way, he’s ready for a close reattachment to a woman — his wife. But it’s extremely difficult for a boy to mature in his masculinity without the presence of a father.”

When boys don’t have men to help them mature, they turn out haywire – hoods and homosexuals are just two extreme types of boys who don’t make the transition to manhood.

The hoods in Secondhand Lions who pull switchblades and try (quite unsuccessfully) to rough up Robert Duvall were asserting their pseudo-masculinity. After the fight, Duvall befriends the hoods and takes them home. He recognizes that these young toughs have a deficiency of real manhood. So he gives them his “man talk” to help them become real men. After observing this, Walter wisely senses his own need for the “man talk” and desperately pleads for one.

Although frequently unacknowledged, homosexuality and gender-confusion also stem from the failure to make the successful transition from boyhood to manhood. Homosexuality is now a common phenomenon among Catholic teens and twenties.

What should Catholic parents of a homosexual or gender-confused child do? The last thing I would advise is heeding the document, “Always Our Children.” I also advise keeping your children far from anyone or anything associated with the National Association of Catholic Diocesan Lesbian and Gay Ministries . Homosexuality and gender confusion are serious problems requiring solid psychological advice.

Dr. Joseph Nicolosi is on my short-list of reliable Catholic psychologists. Every Catholic dad should read his book, A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality.

Dr. Nicolosi, who has spoken with hundreds of homosexual men over the past fifteen years, says, “I have never met a single homosexual man who said he had a close, loving, and respectful relationship with his father. I have never known a single case of a homosexual man who was not wounded in his relationships within the male world.”

Dr. Nicolosi asserts, “Fathers make men.” He describes how boys have a critical developmental task that girls don’t. A boy needs “to disidentify from his mother and identify with his father” if he is to grow into a normal heterosexual man. “Every boy has a deep longing to be held, to be loved by a father figure, to be mentored into the world of men, and to have his masculine nature affirmed and declared good enough by his male peers, his male elders, and mentors.”

On a recent live radio show with Dr. Nicolosi as my guest, we received a call from a concerned mother about her son’s masculine development. Dr. Nicolosi asked her, “How is your son’s relationship with his father?” She said, “Oh it’s great. They’re buddies, they play sports together all the time, and they hunt and fish together.” Dr. Nicolosi said, “Everything’s okay, there will be no problems.” The mother, not entirely convinced, went on to voice additional concerns when Dr. Nicolosi interrupted her and confidently predicted that this boy will turn out just fine thanks to his relationship with his father.

Secondhand Lions is an encouraging film for dads raising sons in our gender-confused and lack-of-genuine-manhood culture. If Garth and Hub, a pair of cranky and slightly crazy great-uncles, can lead Walter into his manhood, you can too. Garth and Hub weren’t perfect by a long shot, but they did share their lives and their manhood with Walter. It was a priceless gift.

Don’t let yourself be absorbed by your career and your personal sports and hobbies apart from your sons. You’ve got to be with your sons in order to share your manhood with them. Your wife can’t do this job for you. Expensive toys will not fill this void in your son. It takes you to lead your son into his manhood.

So, sweat with your sons while doing physical work together. Fish and go boating this summer. Shoot some skeet next fall. Maybe fix up an old truck and go places (boys really like going through dirt and mud). Finally, engage in some slightly risk-taking fun with them – deeply religious dads sometimes forget this vital “risky-fun” component of fathering sons. (My attorney advises me against giving specific recommendations, but I’m sure you can come up with something!)

Where are the Men? Part 2

In the last post, I mentioned how while attending a Saturday evening Vigil Mass at a local parish, I noticed that only 4 of 31 servant-leadership roles were filled by men.  Of those 4 positions of service, 1  was a young boy altar server, 2 were Extraordinary Ministers of Holy Communion and 1 was in the happy happy clap clap band.  The problem is not the women, the problem is the men.  Here’s why…

When men are absent from servant-leadership (in anything, not just at Mass) the ‘thing’ does not function properly.  When a father is absent from his family, when a husband is absent from his wife, when a priest is absent from his parish, when a coach is absent from his team, when a boss is absent from his employees, when a commander is absent from his troops… the family, marriage, parish, team, company and unit do not function correctly.  At Mass, specifically, we must correct the dysfunctions because they are widespread and have a large scope of influence.  The way to correct the dysfunction is to encourage and challenge men to act in the way in which God created them to be.  To grasp this picture, let’s look at the creation account in the Book of Genesis.

God created Adam.  From Adam’s side, He created Eve.  Adam was commanded by God to “shamar” the garden.  Shamar is Hebrew for cultivate, protect, care for, etc.  It was Adam’s job to cultivate the land, protect the garden, his wife and all of creation, but from the onset, Adam dropped the ball.  When the serpent convinced Eve to eat of the fruit, where was Adam?  Gone in another place in the garden?  No.  Was he over at some buddy’s house drinking a cold one, watching the big game?  No.  He was right beside her!  [After all, she turned and handed him the fruit that she had just eaten from.]  He was neglecting to protect the garden and his wife and failed to do what God created him to do.  The Fall = Adam’s fault!  When this sort of behavior (when men fail to cultivate, protect and care for) continues to prevail, the Church suffers greatly.

The choices Adam made are, in some way, the same decisions that many Catholic men today are making.  Instead of cultivating the Church, protecting the Church and caring for the Church, men sit back and allow women to ‘do’.  If you look at parishes and/or dioceses that are incredibly strong, that have great priests, that have large properly-functioning families and they have large numbers of seminarians, you’ll see that it is almost undoubtedly because men are involved as leaders!

The problem with men sitting back and allowing women (who are willing and ready to step in) to fill the gap is that the general population of men either don’t attend Mass or simply lose interest, although their backside is filling a spot in the pew.  This sort of behavior teaches children that men don’t need faith and that faith is a ‘woman’s thing’.  Many men believe that faith, religion, prayer, devotion, etc. is feminine and actually, anti-masculine.  They couldn’t be further from the truth.  As I have stated many times before, being manly means that a man is virtuous.  Faith, Hope and Love, the Theological Virtues, are the real signs of manliness.  In an upcoming post, I will continue with the thought of what happens when men and women don’t fulfill their roles and how it affects the Church as a whole, titled “The Church: By Women, For Women.”

TrueMan up!

“Into the Wild” Weekend Retreat with The King’s Men

My friends Mark Houck and Damian Wargo over at The King’s Men put on an awesome (and manly!) weekend retreat in the wilderness of eastern Pennsylvania called “Into the Wild”.  I highly suggest that if you’re in the area, or if you can make it to eastern PA for one of these upcoming weekends, that you make this weekend happen.

Here’s what they have to say about it:

Rugged Outdoor Men’s Retreat!
The King’s Men are sponsoring a retreat for men called “Into the  Wild” at French Creek State Park on June 10-13th.  This experiential weekend features fishing, orienteering, outdoor cooking, archery, and faith presented in a masculine  modality.  No experience is necessary and space is limited.  “Into the Wild” is excellent for single or married men as well as fathers and sons.  More information at www.intothewildweekend.com or call Damian Wargo at  215-906-8878.  Financial aid is available.

TrueMan up!

Supposed To Do

I just returned from a weekend trip to a private midwestern university where I gave a talk on manliness and Christian brotherhood.  I mentioned the topic of Adam from the creation story in Genesis.  In the story, Adam disregards the command that God gave to him to “shamar” the garden.  From his neglect, sin entered the world.  This, naturally, led to discussion about gender roles.  During the Q&A session, a young man in the front row asked me “what do you mean when you say ‘what a man should do’ and ‘what a woman should do’?”  I think it’s a great question and deserves some explanation and distinction here on the site.

When I say one of those statements (‘what a man (or woman) should d0’), what I mean is that men and women have been called to a specific role in humanity.  (For instance, fatherhood, or motherhood.)  The young man wanted to know if I thought that women shouldn’t work, or be in leadership or do anything outside of mothering children, cleaning and cooking.  Obviously, I am not of that opinion.  I can understand the question though, because our society tells us constantly that it’s either one, but not both.

Being called to a specific role in humanity means that a male or a female is embracing their nature.  Men are naturally designed to protect, guard and care for.  We are more rugged.  Our bodies are made for laborious tasks.  Women are naturally more nurturing, motherly and tender.  These differences aren’t pointed out to say one is better than the other, only that they are different.  John Paul II said many times, “Men and women were created equal in dignity, but different in role.”  This is an important distinction.

For men to be TrueMen, we must embrace what is naturally placed on our hearts by God and follow the commands that God has given to us.

TrueMan up!

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