Busy, Frustrated, Anxious, Confused

Lately, life has been on a lightspeed pace.  I think I’ve bitten off more than I can chew.  I’m frustrated with various things, anxious about what’s happening in life and confused as to what God’s doing in my life.  But I’m a man… I shouldn’t be admitting this.  Right?  I should be strong and well-put-together.  I should have everything taken care of with time to spare.  Right?  I should be self-sufficient.  I should be completely ahead of the curve.  Should, should, should.

Well, we all know that sometimes we aren’t ahead of the curve.  Sometimes, life gets busy and we get behind.  How do you keep it all straight?  How do you keep your head above water?  Are you a yes-aholic?  Do you have trouble ordering your priorities?  (I’ve written about priorities before, just do a search for “PRIORITY” and you’ll find some good stuff.)  Do you struggle with loads of work yet waste away time on meaningless activities and hobbies?

I recommend a few things.  First and foremost, I recommend that you examine your prayer life.  If you’re praying, your foundation is strong and you take the necessary time to sit in quiet with God.  If you’re not praying, try starting with 15 minutes a day.  Along with daily prayer, frequent reception of the Sacraments is vital.  Next, I recommend that you organize your life however works best for you.  Maybe it’s a planner, a calendar, a list, post-it notes, etc.  Don’t just let life happen to you, dictate what your day looks like.  Next, I recommend that you (if you’re in the same boat as me) start saying ‘no’ to some things.  Today, I cancelled three future meetings (to be rescheduled) and moved two other events around so I could breathe.  Do whatever it takes to order your life properly.  An ordered life is the goal, because then everything is in it’s proper place.  “Living balance means that you’re doing what you want to do.  Living order means that you’re doing what you ought to do.”

As men, sometimes we are told that we can’t or shouldn’t rely on others for help.  This is not logical, it’s not practical and it’s not Scriptural.  Lean on those around you to help you out.  Reach out to friends, family, colleagues that will assist you in reaching your goals.  Showing vulnerability or the need for help doesn’t mean you’re less manly, it just means that you need some help.  In this entire process, I recommend taking life in stride and to remain positive.  If you are negative, and if you complain, you will only add stress and strain on your already busy lifestyle.

Best of luck in reaching your goals!  Your prayers for me are appreciated as I navigate the everchanging and rapid waters of my life.

TrueMan up!

Scandal, Scandal Everywhere

Does anyone else feel like Satan is really attacking the Church hard the past few weeks?  And I don’t just mean his normal tactics; I’m talking huge attacks.  He’s shaking things up close to the foundation and doing major damage in the hearts and minds of many wayward Catholics around the world.  It seems like everywhere I look, every article that gets sent to me and every post about the Church on Facebook… it’s all slander, and scandal.  In the past day, I read about 12 Catholic priests in South America coming out in favor of ‘gay rights’, about a former Lutheran pastor (married, with 6 children) becoming a Catholic priest and about the controversial statements made by Cardinal Schonborn of Vienna, Austria.  These stories don’t shake my faith, but they spark doubt and confusion in the minds of many.

For those who don’t believe in Satan (the Prince of Lies), he exists.  You don’t have to believe in him in order for him to exist.  Actually, the more you don’t believe in him, the less you acknowledge his presence, the more work he can do in your life.  He’s attacking the Church now, I believe, because people’s faith is weak and moral relativism is at an all-time high.  Being aware of where you stand is essential in fighting Satan.

What are we to do about these attacks?  How can one man, a guy like me, do anything to ‘right wrongs’ in the Church?  How can I make a large enough impact to justify doing even one small thing?  The answer starts at home.  You MUST be living as an authentic disciple of Christ.  If you are married, you must be encouraging your wife to do the same.  If you have children, you must raise them in the faith.  This is not a faith of ‘pick-and-choose’… your faith must be solid and unwaivering.  Our faith isn’t individual to us.  It is universal, to the entire Church.  That prevents us from thinking we can make decisions of faith and morals on our own.  If you’re living the faith at home, it translates into living it in the workplace, during leisure time and on vacation (at least it should.)  If we live authentic lives for Christ, others will see and will want the joy that we have.  This may seem too simplistic for some, but the truth of the matter is that arguing with people about scandals in the Church rarely allows for conversion, and only distances their desire for God.

With all of the scandals hitting the news lately, I encourage all of us to pray heartily for the Church.  It is times such as these that we must remain faithful and firm in our resolution to defend against evil.

TrueMan up!

Men’s Formation Groups

Interested in joining a men’s formation group?  Sometimes they are referred to as a “small group”.  (If you are interested, I can connect you with a group in your area or teach you how to start one on your own.)

The King’s Men currently have over 20 active men’s groups that meet weekly with more on the way.  Any man is welcome to join, at anytime.  The format of the meetings follows the dynamic and highly effective, not to mention time-tested and proven, model created by The King’s Men.  No matter what stage of life a man is in, no matter his education or experience, no matter his marital status or career, a formation group is good for every man.  A small formation group is intended to be multifaceted; men may experience some or all of the following from being in a small group: friendship, accountability, challenge, spiritual fortitude, fraternity, strength, encouragement, purpose, virtue!

The meetings typically go something like this:

• Group prayer – the Rosary is suggested. 15-20 minutes.
• Discussion based on a masculine resource.  30-45 minutes.  (Masculine resources might be “Boys to Men: The Transforming Power of Virtue”, “Be a Man!”, an encyclical/papal letter, “Signposts” or something similar.  Each group’s core team leadership has the autonomy to decide on the resource that is right for their group.)  The discussion time is facilitated by a leader and kept on-time by the time keeper.  The discussion is not a “teaching moment”, but a formation moment where each man has time to share if he so desires.  Great trust and bonding, as well as Scriptural “sharpening” (Prov. 27:17) takes place during this portion of the meeting.
• The 4-Cs.  Commit, Confess, Challenge, Confirm.  This is the accountability portion of the meeting and what really sets The King’s Men apart from the typical men’s group.  Each week, each man makes a commitment to something he is going to do over the next week.  The commitment should help him to grow in holiness and virtue.  It should be attainable, tangible and should be realistic.  The next week, he comes back and “confesses” how he did with his commitment.  This process continues each week.  If a man needs to be challenged, another man may do so.  If a man deserves to be confirmed, another man may do so. Approx. 30 minutes.
• Closing prayer, including each man’s intentions and the general intentions of The King’s Men. 5 minutes.
• Total meeting should be 2 hrs or less.

Groups should be kept to no more than 10-12 men.  Once a group grows too large, it should be split into two separate groups.  This is done so that each man has the ability to share, seek guidance, be formed and grow personally.  If a group is too large, it stifles men’s ability to grow.  Some groups choose to remain a large group for prayer, reading and discussion and then choose to split up for The 4 C’s, which is a viable option.

For more information on TKM Formation & Accountability groups, contact me at Dave@TheKingsMen.org or check out the list of active groups by clicking HERE.

How Does a Single Man Live Love?

I didn’t really speak to this in my previous post… how a single man lives love.  I spoke about how a married man can live love and how he can show his wife love, but nothing specifically for a single man.  Let’s dive in.

[Let's say that our single guy isn't in a dating relationship, courtship or engagement.]  He still follows the principles laid out in the Catechism (CCC 1822) about what charity is and he realizes that all he does should be out of love for God and love for neighbor.  I think it’s easiest to understand this idea (of living love) if a single man lives life as a servant, with the intention of bringing glory to God.  Essentially, a single man lives love the same way a married man does, he simply directs his love towards others differently; a married man has a wife and maybe children that he loves above all other humans – if you’re not a husband or a father you’ll understand what I mean if you become one.

Often times, the word love is distorted to mean something (only) having to do with romance and/or intimacy.  Not true.  Obviously, marital love tends towards romance/intimacy, but marital love should stem from the same foundation that God’s love (specifically, Christ’s love for us on the cross) does.  This foundation is life-giving, selfless and sacrificial.  It might be easier to get the distinction if we use the word charity in place of love.  As we think about what a charity does (helps people, lends a tender hand, comforts, protects, continually thinks about the welfare of others, etc.) it might make it easier for us to understand what living charity means.

A verse to think about:

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 says: “Charity is patient and kind.  It is not jealous, it does not boast.  It is not arrogant or rude.  Charity does not insist on its own way.  It is not irritable or resentful.  It does not rejoice in wrong, but rejoices in right.  Charity bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

If you’re a single man, are you always patient?  In traffic, at work, in line at the grocery store?  Are you arrogant or rude?  Do you think more of yourself than others based off petty worldview mentalities?  Are you irritable?  Easily frustrated, constant mood swings or uncontrollable rage?  Do you rejoice in others failures or struggles?  Think about your life in connection with this verse.

Man up!