National Pornography Awareness Week

This week marks National Pornography Awareness Week.  The movement is also referred to as White Ribbons Against Pornography (or WRAP) Week.  WRAP Week was started in the early 1980′s and has been going on ever since.  (Find out more about WRAP Week at www.wrapfamily.com.)

Do you find it interesting that it’s been around for nearly 30 years and you’ve never heard about it before?  Me too.  That’s because of the apathy that fills the hearts of modern-day Americans.  Most people (as evidenced by the reactions we receive during an anti-pornography protest) are completely indifferent to the realities that surround the multi-billion dollar pornography industry every day.  This apathy must stop.

I’ve written about porn a lot on this site.  It’s “near and dear” to me, so to speak.  Sounds really weird, but porn puts food on my kid’s plates, pays my mortgage and gives me purpose for work every day.  I wish that porn wasn’t around and I had to find another line of work.  Without my own porn addiction and subsequent recovery, I wouldn’t be in this line of work.  But, because of it, I am.  I desire to share my woes of pornography addiction and slavery to sexual sin with just one man… so that he “gets” it… that it clicks… that just one man would turn away… or that just one man wouldn’t go down the dangerous road of sexual sin… or that just one woman would have the courage to tell her loser boyfriend “no, I’m not okay with you looking at porn, and because of that and until you start choosing me over your desires, we’re done “… and so many other things.  Is porn the only thing I work with?  No.  But because it is so rampant and so devastating, many men that we work with have or had their own struggles with it and it is a major cause for getting men involved in ministry.

Look, porn is devastating.  It damages children, women, men, families, marriages, lives.  Porn kills.  (Don’t believe me?  You obviously didn’t read this post… “Porn Proves Deadly“.)  It is time we do something about it.

If you want to help fight porn, please contact me.  There are currently 11 states across the country fighting porn each month.  We need about, oh, say, 39 more states and many more cities to be doing it!  We at The King’s Men can help you get started.

Here’s my quote that will be in this week’s edition of the Colorado Catholic Herald… “The fight against pornography is a fight that men must engage in. This fight is not merely for the men who are recovering addicts or even for the man who has only dabbled in pornography, but for every man who desires to protect women, children and his fellow brother-in-Christ. We must not stay on the sideline of indifference. To be the man each of us was created to be – a leader, protector and provider – is where a man finds true happiness and fulfillment. In authentic masculinity, in the image of Christ Himself, is where we find who we are, what we’re made of and what our purpose is. Pornography is a counterfeit, a fake. Pornography takes a man away from his purpose and turns him into a slave to his physical desires. Taking a stand against pornography frees a man to battle in this fight and in others. I invite ALL men, young or old, rich or poor, to join us as we take a stand against the evils of pornography in our community. Pornography is a Pro-Life issue… join us. If you don’t do it, who will?”

TrueMan up!

World Series Baseball and Manliness

Did you know there’s a correlation between baseball and life as a man?  (Actually, if you’re good, you can probably find a correlation between lots of “things” and life as a man.)  Anyway, I had these thoughts this morning, and seeing as how the Rangers battle the Giants in this year’s World Series, I thought I would share them.

As you probably know, the Texas Rangers have never been to the World Series.  Ever.  This makes it a historical year.  The Giants, as the season started, were quoted as being a bunch of “misfits” and “nobody’s”.  Neither team was expected to succeed, especially at this level.  That’s where the manliness-factor comes in.

Imagine that you are a Texas Ranger, or the entire franchise for that matter.  You are the underdog.  You’ve never REALLY succeeded at the level which you should.  You are always falling short.  This is us… at one stage of our life or another.  But, as the Rangers have proven, you don’t give up, you keep working and working hard.  You work and work and hopefully, someday, all that hard work will pay off.  Do you ever feel like the underdog?  Like there’s no point to continuing?

Imagine that you are a San Francisco Giant.  You are expected to lose.  You are expected to be a nobody.  You are written off and never given a chance.  Yet, somewhere deep down inside you, you put the effort forth and have a determination that could split an atom.  You don’t let your critics get to you, you keep fighting and in the end, you laugh (to yourself, because you are humble) at the remarks, doubts and critiques that were thrown your way from the start.  Have you ever experienced this?  Have you ever felt less-than-good-enough?

But guess what… even though a man may feel like quitting, like listening to the nay-sayers, or like laying down like a lame dog and dying, he must know that he must continue on.  When we get to this sort of thinking (we like to refer to this as logic, but we know there’s nothing logical about it) we must remember that we’re not in this fight alone, we have the entire rest of the team.  Here’s how it works in baseball, and how it relates to real-life for a man.

See, in baseball, the pitcher and catcher do most of the work.  (Are you the one dealing or the one receiving?)  The catcher signs the certain kind of pitch he wants and the pitcher delivers.  If the ball is hit, other teammates are involved.  On some plays, there may only be one or two players involved, but on some plays, the entire team is involved.  Then, as the game goes on, the pitcher might become tired – the coach calls for another man from the bullpen to relieve him.  The relief pitcher comes in and takes over.  At some point, a pinch runner might come in, or a pinch batter.  These teammates all relieve one another when one man needs a break.  In our lives, we must remember that we’re on a team and that we have the opportunity to both be relieved and to relieve.

As you watch the Series this year, don’t forget that you should be a team player.  Never does only one many win a baseball game, let alone a World Series.  And, if you’re feeling down or like the cards are stacked against you, don’t give up.  Keep fighting and you might just end up at the place of your dreams.

TrueMan up!

Scandal, Scandal Everywhere

Does anyone else feel like Satan is really attacking the Church hard the past few weeks?  And I don’t just mean his normal tactics; I’m talking huge attacks.  He’s shaking things up close to the foundation and doing major damage in the hearts and minds of many wayward Catholics around the world.  It seems like everywhere I look, every article that gets sent to me and every post about the Church on Facebook… it’s all slander, and scandal.  In the past day, I read about 12 Catholic priests in South America coming out in favor of ‘gay rights’, about a former Lutheran pastor (married, with 6 children) becoming a Catholic priest and about the controversial statements made by Cardinal Schonborn of Vienna, Austria.  These stories don’t shake my faith, but they spark doubt and confusion in the minds of many.

For those who don’t believe in Satan (the Prince of Lies), he exists.  You don’t have to believe in him in order for him to exist.  Actually, the more you don’t believe in him, the less you acknowledge his presence, the more work he can do in your life.  He’s attacking the Church now, I believe, because people’s faith is weak and moral relativism is at an all-time high.  Being aware of where you stand is essential in fighting Satan.

What are we to do about these attacks?  How can one man, a guy like me, do anything to ‘right wrongs’ in the Church?  How can I make a large enough impact to justify doing even one small thing?  The answer starts at home.  You MUST be living as an authentic disciple of Christ.  If you are married, you must be encouraging your wife to do the same.  If you have children, you must raise them in the faith.  This is not a faith of ‘pick-and-choose’… your faith must be solid and unwaivering.  Our faith isn’t individual to us.  It is universal, to the entire Church.  That prevents us from thinking we can make decisions of faith and morals on our own.  If you’re living the faith at home, it translates into living it in the workplace, during leisure time and on vacation (at least it should.)  If we live authentic lives for Christ, others will see and will want the joy that we have.  This may seem too simplistic for some, but the truth of the matter is that arguing with people about scandals in the Church rarely allows for conversion, and only distances their desire for God.

With all of the scandals hitting the news lately, I encourage all of us to pray heartily for the Church.  It is times such as these that we must remain faithful and firm in our resolution to defend against evil.

TrueMan up!

Keep Fighting

Men, Whether you’ve been on the battle field for a long time or have just begun the fight, I want to encourage you to continue to fight! The devil is strategic in how he attacks you and a period of freedom (any amount of time) can at times play games with a man’s mind, allowing him a sense of “I’m done with this” – that’s called complacency.  No matter how long you’ve experienced freedom (1 day or 10 years), you can never let your guard down.  The path to holiness is paved by discipline and you must remain disciplined in order to successfully achieve holiness.  Holiness, a complete imitation of Christ, in Heaven is our goal.  If you’re reading TrueManhood for the first time, then you may not know what I’m talking about.  Here at TrueManhood, we directly attack the evils of the culture, one of those being a most grave evil – pornography.

For men who are reading this for the first time (or for someone who knows a man who has an addiction to pornography but hasn’t yet sought help), please visit the links posted below to get started in battling your addiction.  If you’ve already seen all these resources, it may be time to read them again.  Take back your life and strive for TrueManhood – a life of virtue in Christ Jesus.

• For “TrueManhood’s 5 Step Plan to Overcoming an Addiction to Pornography” Click HERE.
• To read other articles about the fight against pornography, type in ‘PORN‘ or ‘PORNOGRAPHY‘ in the search box towards the upper right.
• For Porn Addiction Resources, Click HERE.
• For “TrueManhood’s Guide to Virtue” Click HERE.
• To view videos of my talks against pornography addiction, Click HERE.
• For free anti-porn software, click HERE.
• If at anytime you need assistance with your battle, email me directly at Dave@TrueManhood.com.

TrueMan up!

Tuesdays with Daddy – A Kid Pouts, but a Man Shouldn’t

This morning, my oldest daughter woke up on the wrong side of the bed.  From her nap this afternoon, she woke up on the wrong side of the bed, again.  Nothing was right for her all day.  She didn’t want to play when playtime was suggested.  She didn’t want to eat, when meals were prepared.  She didn’t want to clean up, she didn’t want to nap, she didn’t want to play, she didn’t want to pray.  Then, to top it all off, a huge snow storm hit our region and is potentially preventing us from getting to the airport and flying to visit family – she was not happy about these details.  She reacts and her reaction is to pout, throw a tantrum and fuss.  A man shouldn’t react that way.

As a grown up (or as a “growing” up), we must realize that our reactions to tough situations should be even keeled.  More properly put, our reactions should be “ordered”.  I recently watched a program on prison inmates.  The inmates seemed pretty calm and easy to get along with while on camera, but unruly, defiant and violent when someone made them mad.  They looked like a little kid who wasn’t getting their way, and anyone in their way paid the price.  A TrueMan reacts differently.

When I was younger, my reactions to tough situations were pitiful.  As I’ve grown older with age, and as I’ve come out the other side of a really bad rage problem, it has become very clear to me that men of virtue, ie: TrueMen, don’t allow their emotions to determine how they act.  TrueMen act out of truth… with responsible reactions.  It’s a good thing to work on.

Man up!

You Can’t Fight Based on Fear

Over the years, in dealing with my addiction to pornography, I’ve realized some pretty profound things.  Things about myself, about addiction, the pornography industry and how to overcome this incredible evil.  [If you haven't read through my 5 Step Plan to Overcoming an Addiction to Porn, please click HERE before you continue reading this post.  - We'll wait.]  As you know, I liken this sin to a battle, an incredible fight that we enter into with evil.  A man must enter into this fight aggressively in order to come out victorious.  A thought I’ve had lately is that we can’t fight out of fear.

We can’t fight an addiction to porn (or any addiction) because we fear things – the fear of being caught, the fear of ruining a relationship, the fear of having to confess our sins (again), the fear of our work finding inappropriate material on their computer, the fear of failing, the fear of giving in to the temptation, etc.  A soldier doesn’t go into battle fearful – he goes in confident in his training, his abilities and his leadership.  He knows that because of the work he’s put in up to this point (the training), that he’ll prevail.  He trusts his leadership to guide him through this tough time, quite possibly the hardest thing he’s ever done, or ever will do.  We’re the same way, except here, our salvation is on the line.

Fight aggressively, fight with honor, fight for your life.  Go into this battle knowing that you have God on your side, that you can accomplish all things through Him (Philippians 4:13) and that YOU WILL BE VICTORIOUS!

There is a fear that is healthy for us, in this battle… the fear of offending God.  The use of pornography (and typically the sexual behavior that stems from its use) is sin – mortal sin.  We greatly offend God; through our actions, we turn away from God’s love.  We lose all trust in God.  Sin is a real thing, a serious thing.  Sin removes charity from our heart and separates us from God.  Fearing the loss of salvation (by our choices and actions) is a healthy fear to have.

Man up!

Fight Rules

It’s a difficult thing, in a relationship, to not be selfish.  It’s hard to think about the other person first, every time, without fail.  It’s hard to put your personal desires, wishes and needs on the back burner so you can aid in the other person receiving theirs.  [I am much less than perfect at these things.]  Because of this, fights/disagreements/arguments (however you want to phrase it) happen.  There are some important rules that a man should live by when he experiences a fight in his relationship.

1. Remain Calm, even if she doesn’t
2. Listen twice as much as your speak, even if she doesn’t
3. Never interrupt, even if she does
4. Leave your pride out of it, even if she doesn’t
5. Tell her that you hear what she’s saying (and actually listen!)
6. Validate her point of view, even if she doesn’t validate yours
7. Never cuss
8. Never EVER get physical!
9. Never scream/yell/raise your voice, even if she does
10. Never fight in front of the kids

And most importantly… Always make the choice to love.  (BTW, love is a verb.)