Catherine’s Column

Women, you are worth a TrueMan!  Believe it!

Women, I’d like you to listen to me and to listen well.  If you come to this site and take anything from it, I want you to remember that you are special, and a precious gift from the Father!  You are worth a TrueMan and you need to expect a TrueMan.  I am guessing right now that you may be rolling your eyes and saying to yourself, “if she only knew what I have done or what has happend to me, she would know this is not true for me.”  I know you are saying this because frequently when I talk to my clients, girlfriends, or speak to women at various events about this, I see women look down and shy away from me; their body language screams these words.

God created you in His image and as the perfect mate for your “Adam”.  If God created you, and everything that God creates is good, then you must be worthy of goodness… a TrueMan.  When I think about my friends who refuse to believe this “cardinal rule”, most of the time it is because some less-than-virtuous man has taken advantage of them. Sometimes this is done through psychological manipulation and other times by force.  To me, it doesn’t matter what has happened in your past.  What is important is where you go from here.  If women are going to expect men to change then we must also change.  The first step in this change is loving yourself enough to except only virtuous men in your life.

How do you do this?  First of all, you need to look inside yourself and break down any walls that are keeping you from seeing the true value you possess.  These walls may have been past relationships gone bad, decisions that you made that hurt yourself or others, or anything that holds you back from seeing the marvelous treasure that God created you to be.

I too had to go through this step, and it was not easy.  When I was in high school and college, I was in a very abusive relationship, both physically and mentally. It ended badly and with the depression that set in from being a victim of domestic violence, I turned to drinking in excess.  With my life spinning downward, I had no confidence that I could ever love myself again.  I was certain that I would never find a virtuous “TrueMan” who would want to love me.  So, I stopped looking.  After many years of this way of thinking, I was at a 3-day party, with lots of drinking and men.  As I drove home, I hit rock bottom.  I had no self esteem, no joy in my life.  I could easily say I was empty in every sense of the word.  So in tears, I looked up to Heaven and said “GOD, I give up! I can’t don’t do this anymore.”  I truly believe that I felt the Holy Spirit come down and shower me with grace and love.  I could hear God saying, “I love you, let me take care of you, trust in my love, I am here.”  And that is what I did!  From that point on, pain from my past slowly started to go away.  For the first time in several years I was able to see myself as a blessed gift that God had created.  That very day, I went on a group date with Dave, my future husband!

Women, love yourself!  Force yourself to see the treasure that God has created you to be. If there are walls that are blocking you from really seeing this, take it to prayer and ask God to help you break down the walls.  Know that you are in this battle, you are not alone.  God is there wait for you to put your hand out and ask for help.

__________________________________________________________________________________________

When Dave asked me to write a guest post on his site, I was very excited because I believe that to truly change the current situation of manliness in society and to be able to change it to a (virtuous) culture of TrueManhood, men are only a portion of the solution. Another important part in this change are women!—

When I first met Dave he was not the man that he is today. I’m not going to say that it was because of me alone that he has decided to “change his ways”, but I will say that it was a series of challenges that I posed to him, that began his transformation into the man he is.

Dave has always been a man who was not afraid to fight for justice and for what he believes in.  However, when I met him, he was focused on doing it “Dave’s way”. I remember one time when we were courting when we got into a fight about something trivial, and he told me, “there’s Dave’s way and the wrong way”.   This was the way he dealt with stuff – his way… and passionately!  I have always loved Dave’s passion and self-confidence, but this was an example of a time in his life when he was less-than-virtuous. What I feel Dave was lacking in his life when I first met him was – what I feel most men are missing – a woman to challenge and expect virtuous behavior. Looking back on it now, I don’t think Dave ever knew what to strive for because the women in his life never challenged him to obtain TrueManhood.

The question I pose is “how are we to expect men to behave a certain way, if we (women in general) lower our standards and accept mediocrity?”  We simply cannot.

My goal is to help female readers of Truemanhood.com by giving them tools to believe in their own value enough to expect the best out of the men in their lives.  I agree whole-heartily with Dave, that if we are going to change the world, we must create a world of truly virtuous men; aka: TrueMen!  Also, if we are expecting men to make this change then is it going to take the women of the world to step up and embody their roll in the change.

I hope you continue to check the site as I will be posting regularly.  Please pass this along to your female friends… this is a journey that is meant for all of us.

~Catherine