What We’re Up Against

I found this two and a half year old video on YouTube a couple of weeks ago and have been wanting to post about it, but the timing just never seemed right to me.  I watched it again today and have some thoughts to share.  The video is below, but before you watch it, please be forewarned that many, if not all, of the elements of the video are incorrect.  Blatant disregard for the respect of men is apparent and falsehoods are rampant throughout.  Take a look and then we’ll discuss the problems.

First off, men are portrayed as lower-than Neanderthals in this video, that all we want is sex.  This perception comes from the large numbers of men who make this true.  For those of us who defy this stereotype, we have a long road ahead of us.  Men, if you fall into this stereotype, I challenge you to change your thinking, make better choices and being striving for virtue.  Come on, get with the program.

Secondly, many men have a hard time being friends with women because they 1. don’t know what friendship is, 2. are selfish, 3. have a vastly skewed view of the true beauty of women and 4. have never had an honest and pure relationship with a female.  All of these issues may, in many cases, stem from a man’s use of, exposure to or addiction to pornography.  Pornography has a devastating effect on men, their psyche and their ability to relate with other members of society.  Some men simply don’t know how to interact with others, specifically, women, but pornography creates a serious impediment to having healthy relationships.

Next, the video portrays men as liars.  If we want a solid relationship, we can’t lie.  Honesty, with prudence and tact, is always the best way to go.  Which brings us to the next part of the video… the questions from women.  As a married man, with lots of experience with this, let me help you out.  When the woman you are involved with (courting, engaged to, married to, etc.) asks a question (usually in the form of a rhetorical question), she may be looking for something specific from you in the answer.  If you’re married, and your wife asks “Do you think Angelina Jolie is prettier than me?” you quickly answer (truthfully) “No way.”  Simple.  The reason you’re “supposed to say no” is merely a way of affirming your wife’s beauty.  She shouldn’t really care if Angelina Jolie is prettier in reality or not, and neither should you.  (Personally, I don’t find Angelina Jolie pretty at all, so that answer is easy for me.)

“Do these jeans make me look fat?” – the answer is ‘no’.  You’re not lying, you’re affirming your wife’s beauty.  If the pants aren’t flattering, say so, but do it with charity and prudence, talking specifically about the jean’s deficiencies and never about your wife.  With both of these questions (prettier women and looking fat) they aren’t really asking you for your opinion on the matter, they may be trying to validate the relationship or your deep love for her.  Instead of letting it get to that point, I recommend affirming, complimenting and encouraging your wife well before these sorts of questions come up.  This should happen regularly.  I’m not perfect at it, so take it from me, you can make a lot of ground by answering quickly and positively.  This is always good to say – “I love you.  You’re incredible.  You’re beautiful and I’m lucky to have you.”  To some, this might sound like a canned lie response.  Let’s be clear here, I’m not saying that you should lie to her.  I’m suggesting that you believe those things and get to a point in your relationship where you really see the inner and outer beauty, the incredible nature of your wife and realize just how lucky you are.  Again, as I said before, if we want to be in a solid relationship, we cannot lie.

As for the last part of the video, if you “hear” this way, you’ve obviously got issues.  Don’t let anyone treat you like this, it’s degrading and disrespectful.  I encourage all men to not only hear, but listen.  Listening is the act of being attentive to what is being said.  Hearing is merely allowing your ears to do what they were created to do.

Men, this sort of video is rampant on the internet, in movies and television shows, in emails, songs and printed media.  If we want to change the perception of men, and challenge the men who are the way the video portrays all men to be, then we better get to work.  Start by cherishing your wife and encouraging her.

TrueMan up!

CatholicTV.com Interview

I am blessed to have been interviewed on CatholicTV.com today.  Thank you to Bonnie Rodgers, as well as Jay Fadden and Fr. Reed.  The interview flew by… I wish I would have had a bit more time to discuss men’s issues, as well as promote my talks and retreats that are available for men’s groups, parishes, youth progams, young adult programs, Catholic high schools & colleges and men’s conferences & events.

Here’s the video of the show.  (My segment is around 9:25-15:18.)  If you can’t view the video, click HERE.

God’s Will Be Done

In our lives, we should desire to seek God’s will and work so that our will may conform to His will.  In living God’s will for our lives, we will experience the utmost joy and happiness, which is what we are all longing for.  In our (personal) current situation, we are attempting to hear God’s call, understand it and heed it.  Speak Lord, your servant is listening.

We have an incredible opportunity pending… the potential merger of TrueManhood.com and The King’s Men (TKM) (www.thekingsmen.org.)  TKM is a Catholic lay apostolate currently based in Philadelphia.  They build up men in the mold of leader, protector and provider.  Mark Houck and Damian Wargo, TKM founders, have been praying about adding a third partner into the ministry for some time.  This may just be the time.  In order for this to happen, several things must take place first.

1. The Board of Directors for TKM (a non-profit) must vote and obtain a majority approval vote.  5 members must vote in favor.
2. Generous donations must continue to come in for TKM budget to be adequately equipped to handle a third salary.  (Information below.)
3. Mark and Damian must feel comfortable that I am the right man for the job.  This is a huge step for them and they want to make certain that this move is right.

Considering all these impediments, and possibly others, I humbly beg for your prayers.  It would be a dream to be able to work full-time in men’s ministry.  To be able to work with such an incredible ministry, as TKM, would make it even that much more special.  I truly believe that God has ordained this partnership and that we will greatly influence the lives of tens of thousands (if not more) men in the coming years.

Although I believe this merger is ordained by God, others must also believe.  This is where your prayers come in. Your financial support could also make this a reality much sooner.  Please consider becoming a benefactor for TKM – any and all donations help.  Recurring monthly donations are preferred, but no one’s picky here!  If you would like to become a benefactor, please email me directly at Dave@TrueManhood.com and I can get you in touch with TKM’s accounting department.

If every visitor to TrueManhood.com last week (merely a segmented sample group) donated $50 per month, we could raise $50,000/mo.  Please consider this.  May God’s will be done!

TrueMan up!

TrueManhood.com on CatholicTV.com

I’m excited to announce that TrueManhood.com will be featured on CatholicTV.com on Friday, August 27, 2010!  I am honored and privileged to have been invited onto their program called “This is the Day”.  The show airs on Friday, LIVE at 1030am EASTERN, with rebroadcasts all week.  Please join me in celebrating this new endeavor for our ministry!

Although I’ll only be visible via internet video (hopefully the technology works properly!), it will be a big step and lots of exposure for us!  Tune in.

For more information, please visit CatholicTV.com.

What’s Coming Next?

My apologies for not posting anything the past week.  Since I don’t have sponsors, paid advertisements and/or endorsements (hint hint, wink nudge) I don’t feel too guilty.  Actually, I was out of town visiting my very elderly grandmother and some of my extended family with my wife and children, computer time was very limited. TrueManhood.com has definitely been on my mind, but not a priority because much needed time with them was taking precedence.  So, since I haven’t written anything lately, I wanted to let everyone know what they can expect in the coming days.

Depending on what I see/hear about/come across/etc. “out there” in regards to TrueManhood, I’ll be posting whatever I think is worthy of a post.  Besides those stories, you can expect something on the following topics soon:

• Struggling with Lenten devotions, the struggle of Lent (general) and the tough days during Holy Week.
• Major League Baseball, Opening Day Special
• Holy Thursday – The Vortex, “Judas Today”
• An article about “supertaskers”
• A post about an irate hockey coach.  Temper, temper.
• A Dating Article
• A Eucharistic Miracle Video
• Plenty of other great stuff!

Until the next post, keep fighting the good fight!

Man up!

Fighting for Manliness Video

I finally got some of the video edited from my talk at the 2010 FOCUS National Conference in Orlando, FL on New Year’s Eve 2009. The talk was titled “Fighting for Manliness” for the Men’s Impact Sessions. The crowd for the two sessions totaled around 1,500 college men.

The video below is only part 1 of the 50 minute video.

In this talk, I highlighted some major points, including: What is Manliness?,  Manly Leadership,  Living Virtue,  Fighting the Giant of Pornography and more.

If your content is removed by your server, click HERE to view the video on YouTube.

Fallible Blogma’s “Support a Catholic Speaker” Month

I agreed to write up a brief post on a Catholic speaker for Fallible Blogma’s “Support a Catholic Speaker” Month.  Click HERE to see the entire list.  I chose to blog about Mr. Richard Lane.  Here’s his bio:

“Born in Detroit, Michigan to Mary O. Alexander, retired Educator for the Highland Park School system and the Late Dick “Night Train” Lane; National Football League Hall of Fame Cornerback, Mr. Lane, Jr. attended Morehouse College in Atlanta Georgia and also served honorably for nearly six years in the United States Army Military Police Corps in numerous domestic and international locations.

As a convert to the Faith in April 19, 2003, it was in early 2005 when Mr. Lane was lead to begin proclaiming the Gospel as a Street Corner Evangelist, sharing the Word of God, passing out Bibles, Crosses and other Religious items. Since that time Mr. Lane has been featured on “Catholic Answers Live”, Ave Maria Radio, Relevant Radio, Our Sunday Visitor, the National Catholic Reporter, Sports Review Magazine, as well as Eternal Word Television Network’s (EWTN) the “Journey Home” with Marcus Grodi and is the Co-Founder of Catholic Men for Christ Men’s Conference in St. Louis, Missouri which continues to draw thousands of men each year to hear the Powerful Message of the Gospel.”

Mr. Lane and I are represented by the same booking agency, CMG Booking.  CMG Booking is the premier source for Catholic speakers.  To book Mr. Lane for your next event, click HERE.  If you would like to book me to speak at your next event, please click HERE.

Man up!

In Response to a Comment: More Positive Examples, Please

James,
I greatly appreciate your comment, keep ‘em comin’!  The topic of negative/judgemental material has been brought to my attention before, and I would like to publicly respond.  I will write this post here, as well as respond to you in the comment section under “About TrueManhood’s Author”.

The first time I was asked about it, someone asked me, “Do I really believe that men are as bad off as I make them seem?”  My answer was emphatically “Yes!”.  I witness unconscionable behavior almost on a daily basis, and this behavior has become the socially accepted norm for males.  I also, on occasion, see an example of manliness lived out in our modern world – I typically write about it.

I’d like to draw attention to the majority of my past posts during the months of June/July 09; these posts are positive examples of men living out virtue and encouraing others to do the same.  Since Father’s Day, 7 of my last 9 posts have had optimistic and positive outlooks on men and their manliness.  The few posts that seem to have a negative and/or seemingly judgemental approach are written as real life examples of men who fail to live out the call that has been placed on all of our hearts since the dawn of time.  (See the discourse between God and Adam in The Book of Genesis.)  These few “negative” examples are in place in order to bring light to the darkness and to hopefully start to reverse a trend that I (I believe we all see it happening in front of us daily) see happening in our culture; this trend is that a stereotypical male lives a certain way.  I have referred to this as “cultural manliness” – the idea that a man is judged based on how much money, power, possessions and sex he has.  I desire to fight this stereotype, reverse it so that the trend is of virtuous men living out their God-given call and to win souls for Christ.

I would really appreciate any and all comments on this topic!

Man up!

Pontius Pilate, What You Did Was NOT Manly

I thought several times throughout Holy Week, as well as when I watched “The Passion of the Christ” on Friday night, that Pontius Pilate (pronounced pon-chus pi-lot) was not manly in his decisions to condemn Jesus to death.  He tried, yes, at first, to tell the people that Jesus had done nothing wrong.  Where he went wrong was when he worried about what sort of uprising the Jewish high priests would start and what the people would do.  He let self-preservation win out over justice. 

He’s infamously remembered by Catholics in our Creed (our profession of faith) “…He (Jesus) suffered under Pontius Pilate…“.  This is because Pilate had the power to prevent Christ’s horrible torture, scourging, carrying of His cross and His death, but failed to act; all out of fear.  He was a coward.  Even the movie ”The Passion of the Christ” (picture above from a scene with Pilate and Jesus) shows Pilate’s wife as a hero and a servant, with compassion and deep sorrow while Pilate simply looks on, worried about himself.  Pilate leaves us with a good example of what not to do. 

Christ tells us that we’ll be persecuted because of Him, because we follow Him and because we love Him.  We should be ready and prepared to persevere.  We prepare for this by training (prayer and fasting, mostly).  When it comes down to it, who will you side with?  Will you take the easy way out and deny Christ or will you stand firm in your beliefs, in your faith and in HIS love and witness for Jesus?  Only time will tell. 

Again, society tells men that we must look out for ourselves and self-preservation.  Christ, the Church and TrueManhood.com say something different.  We all say “defend Christ, defend Mother Church, defend Truth” – God will provide for us and will raise us up on the last day.  A True Man does this.  A man like Pontius Pilate doesn’t.  What kind of man are you?

Man up!

7 Days of Virtue; Day 7 – Love

Think of virtues like your muscles.  You work your muscles out so that they can perform for you when needed.  Virtue is the same way.  You practice, work on the virtue and then, when the time comes, the virtue is there and ready.

Day 7 of the 7 Day Journey through the Virtues: DAY 7 – LOVE.

Love, also called charity, is the form of all virtue.  Love is friendship with God and love leads us to God.  An important aspect of love is that it is a verb; it requires action from us.   To perform acts of love, we must surpass our own abilities; we require supernatural grace.   (Supernatural = super –> beyond… natural –> nature… beyond our nature.) 

Society often tells us that love is something that we get, instead of something we give.  We’re often told to seek it for our good, instead of the good of another.  This leads us to selfishness and seeking our our passions, desires and wants.  Instead, we should love unconditionally, especially our spouse and our children – making a freely given gift of ourselves and our lives.  Love brings us:

• Joy – seeing love in others.
• Peace – right relations, when we are united (or under reconciliation)
• Mercy - a compassionate heart for another’s unhappiness.   (The greatest virtue in relation to others.)

Love also occurs in:

• Passion – the desire for something.
• Natural virtue – when you want what is best for someone else.
• Theological virtue - the Holy Spirit dwelling in us. 

Man up!