Catholic Men’s Blog, Back Up and Running!

With great excitement, I write to let everyone know that TrueManhood is back up and running!  After a break for over 2 months due to a website hack, we were finally able to remove all the malware and are back at it.  Thank you to the hacker for allowing me to learn about website security a little bit more and about ways to protect my website from future hacks.  I pray for you and hope for your sake, that  from now on, instead of hacking my website, that you actually read it.

Many things have taken place in the world of Catholic men’s ministry, in the Catholic Church, in the pro-life battle and in America and we are sorry that we’ve missed it.  We’ve gone through 2 liturgical seasons (Advent and Christmas) and have jumped headfirst into the political race for the GOP candidate for the 2012 election.  We’ve seen incredible growth of our TKM Formation & Accountability groups, as well as a great victory for our organization in Federal Court versus a sexually oriented business that attempted to incriminate us and get us booted from the public right of way in front of their store.  Not to mention tons of other great stories of authentic masculinity, manliness, virtue and holiness.

There are some hopeful changes coming to the site in the near future, including the addition of new authors and more regular content, as well as a potential face-lift of the site to align the site more closely with The King’s Men.

Unfortunately, due to the amount of negative comments and potential threats of spambots, I have removed “commenting” to attempt to keep the site secure.  If you would like to get a hold of us, simply email us at contactus(atsign)truemanhood(dot/period)com and we will respond at our earliest convenience.

More to come soon on the fight against pornography, cultural manliness, and the culture of death!

TrueMan up!

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Comment Response

Not too long ago, I received a comment on a post called “Porn Proves Deadly” about a driver of a big rig who, while driving was streaming porn on his laptop, hit and killed a woman whose vehicle was disabled in the median.  The comment was poorly written, unsubstantiated and downright unnecessary.  I receive occasional comments like this and respond as I can.  Typically, when I respond, I don’t hear back.  Such was the case of this comment and its author.  Here is his comment in red italics:

“While I’m not saying I’m pro-porn, I have to say that logically, you’re using a false correlation here.  Some of the things you post I agree with, some I don’t, but saying that the reason he crashed was because of porn is just misleading.  The reason he crashed is because he was being stupid and not paying attention to the road.  It could have been porn, or a regular movie, or he could have been playing solitaire.  It wasn’t the porn, it was his actions and negligence while he was driving.

Frankly, I don’t appreciate your attempts to whip up a fervor.  Countless accidents happen because people text while driving, but I don’t see you talking about that here.  As far as I can tell, you’re just trying to get people on your side with stories that have an untrue “if-then” correlation.  That’s lying, and that, sir, is just plain unmanly.”

I then responded with the following, below in gray:

Thank you for your comment and continued visits to my site.  I’m glad that you agree with me most of the time.  For those times when you don’t agree with me, as in this case, that is certainly your choice.

I have read over your comment, and after review of my post, I believe you are incorrect in your critique of my writing.  Therefore, I am not approving your comment, which is my prerogative, here’s why:

I am not lying, pornography kills.  I even wrote in there “sometimes figuratively, sometimes literally”.  You are correct; it could have been any number of other distractions.  It wasn’t.  It was porn.  This man was looking at porn and killed a woman.  Besides, texting, or watching another movie, does not involve the chemicals in the brain the way that pornography (or any sexual activity or stimulus) does.  The brain emits oxytocin during orgasm and oxytocin is a bonding agent.  It is the same bonding agent between a mother and child at birth and during breastfeeding.  This was not the man’s first time viewing porn, so the bonds that were created in his mind from previous exposure were firing at incredible speeds and it most likely caused such a stir that he lost all recollection that he was driving.

You are correct in saying that you don’t see me posting about the dangers of texting and driving.  You simply didn’t see it.  I posted on August 27, 2009 about it.  The post came over from my old site, so the majority of the post is missing.  Here’s the link… http://www.truemanhood.com/the-dangers-of-texting-and-driving.  I suggest taking the link from the post and watching it on YouTube.

When you send a critique like this, do you homework first.  Don’t call me a liar.  Don’t criticize me when you don’t know what you’re talking about.  My site is not intended to make everyone agree with me, it is intended to do 3 things.  1. Fight pornography and the dangers of pornography addiction.  2. Fight cultural manliness, the idea that the world tells a male.  3. Teach men about virtue and how to live virtue.

Why am I sharing all of this with you?  For a few reasons:

1. Because I believe that those of us that understand the Truth, must share the Truth!  So often the world asks us to sugarcoat everything and water it down.  I refuse.  People are longing for the truth and desire badly to grasp it.  (You simply can’t grasp a watered-down, sugarcoated false-truth… it’s all wet and slippery.)
2. To remind the TrueManhood.com Blog readership of the 3 intentions of this site.
3. To remind the men who read this site that we are striving for virtue.
4. To ward off the nay-sayers.
5. To challenge the “status quo” out there that is indifferent to pornography and the dangers associated with it.  Apathy doesn’t change problems, it makes them worse.
6. To show that being charitable doesn’t mean being an old, soggy dishrag that someone can wipe the ground with.  Being charitable may offend or upset someone.  Jesus offended many in His day.

I really do appreciate comments.  And when someone has a legitimate question, concern or suggestion, I typically heed them.  So, if you’ve got a comment, please pass it along.  If it’s negative, poorly written, distasteful or something similar, I won’t be posting it.

TrueMan up!

“Lately, Life Has Been a Roller Coaster”

Do you ever have those periods of time when life is, well, crazy?  When EVERYTHING hits the fan, deadlines are coming, stressors are numerous, money is constantly on your mind?  When you’re trying to live life to the fullest, be a great man, attend to your responsibilities and give everything your all?  I’ve had a few straight months of living like that.  Where life wouldn’t seem to slow down, and you’re always looking ahead to see if there’s an oxygen break coming soon.

Over the past two months specifically, I have been experiencing a lot.  LOTS of uncertainty and unknown.  Lately, life has been, as they say, a roller coaster.  TrueManhood.com Blog has been the recipient of a serious amount of neglect from me, and to my passionate readers and daily-blog-followers, I apologize.  I have some great stuff planned, that should be coming your way soon.

When life gets like this, I try to do a few things.  For instance… when I have uncertainty, I tend to pray more.  I try to listen harder to what God wants from me.  I try really hard to be aware of what’s happening in my life, taking an objective view of what is going on and what it could possibly mean.  I also tend to be better with money, realizing that only because we’ve been good with money when it’s fruitful and abundant can we make it when things are, let’s say, tighter.  I try to spend as much time with my family as I can, when life gets crazy busy.  The more time with them, the more focused I can be when I’m working – always remembering that work is work and home/family is home/family.  To name a few.

If life is throwing high-heat, curve balls, screw balls and spit balls at you, call time out and gather yourself.  Rely more on God.  Listen to Him more.  Step back for a moment and see what’s important and urgent.  You’ll make clearer decisions, reduce your blood pressure and overall, be a better man.  Oh yeah, did I mention that this sort of behavior is like working on growing in virtue?

TrueMan up!

What We’re Up Against

I found this two and a half year old video on YouTube a couple of weeks ago and have been wanting to post about it, but the timing just never seemed right to me.  I watched it again today and have some thoughts to share.  The video is below, but before you watch it, please be forewarned that many, if not all, of the elements of the video are incorrect.  Blatant disregard for the respect of men is apparent and falsehoods are rampant throughout.  Take a look and then we’ll discuss the problems.

First off, men are portrayed as lower-than Neanderthals in this video, that all we want is sex.  This perception comes from the large numbers of men who make this true.  For those of us who defy this stereotype, we have a long road ahead of us.  Men, if you fall into this stereotype, I challenge you to change your thinking, make better choices and being striving for virtue.  Come on, get with the program.

Secondly, many men have a hard time being friends with women because they 1. don’t know what friendship is, 2. are selfish, 3. have a vastly skewed view of the true beauty of women and 4. have never had an honest and pure relationship with a female.  All of these issues may, in many cases, stem from a man’s use of, exposure to or addiction to pornography.  Pornography has a devastating effect on men, their psyche and their ability to relate with other members of society.  Some men simply don’t know how to interact with others, specifically, women, but pornography creates a serious impediment to having healthy relationships.

Next, the video portrays men as liars.  If we want a solid relationship, we can’t lie.  Honesty, with prudence and tact, is always the best way to go.  Which brings us to the next part of the video… the questions from women.  As a married man, with lots of experience with this, let me help you out.  When the woman you are involved with (courting, engaged to, married to, etc.) asks a question (usually in the form of a rhetorical question), she may be looking for something specific from you in the answer.  If you’re married, and your wife asks “Do you think Angelina Jolie is prettier than me?” you quickly answer (truthfully) “No way.”  Simple.  The reason you’re “supposed to say no” is merely a way of affirming your wife’s beauty.  She shouldn’t really care if Angelina Jolie is prettier in reality or not, and neither should you.  (Personally, I don’t find Angelina Jolie pretty at all, so that answer is easy for me.)

“Do these jeans make me look fat?” – the answer is ‘no’.  You’re not lying, you’re affirming your wife’s beauty.  If the pants aren’t flattering, say so, but do it with charity and prudence, talking specifically about the jean’s deficiencies and never about your wife.  With both of these questions (prettier women and looking fat) they aren’t really asking you for your opinion on the matter, they may be trying to validate the relationship or your deep love for her.  Instead of letting it get to that point, I recommend affirming, complimenting and encouraging your wife well before these sorts of questions come up.  This should happen regularly.  I’m not perfect at it, so take it from me, you can make a lot of ground by answering quickly and positively.  This is always good to say – “I love you.  You’re incredible.  You’re beautiful and I’m lucky to have you.”  To some, this might sound like a canned lie response.  Let’s be clear here, I’m not saying that you should lie to her.  I’m suggesting that you believe those things and get to a point in your relationship where you really see the inner and outer beauty, the incredible nature of your wife and realize just how lucky you are.  Again, as I said before, if we want to be in a solid relationship, we cannot lie.

As for the last part of the video, if you “hear” this way, you’ve obviously got issues.  Don’t let anyone treat you like this, it’s degrading and disrespectful.  I encourage all men to not only hear, but listen.  Listening is the act of being attentive to what is being said.  Hearing is merely allowing your ears to do what they were created to do.

Men, this sort of video is rampant on the internet, in movies and television shows, in emails, songs and printed media.  If we want to change the perception of men, and challenge the men who are the way the video portrays all men to be, then we better get to work.  Start by cherishing your wife and encouraging her.

TrueMan up!

CatholicTV.com Interview

I am blessed to have been interviewed on CatholicTV.com today.  Thank you to Bonnie Rodgers, as well as Jay Fadden and Fr. Reed.  The interview flew by… I wish I would have had a bit more time to discuss men’s issues, as well as promote my talks and retreats that are available for men’s groups, parishes, youth progams, young adult programs, Catholic high schools & colleges and men’s conferences & events.

Here’s the video of the show.  (My segment is around 9:25-15:18.)  If you can’t view the video, click HERE.

God’s Will Be Done

In our lives, we should desire to seek God’s will and work so that our will may conform to His will.  In living God’s will for our lives, we will experience the utmost joy and happiness, which is what we are all longing for.  In our (personal) current situation, we are attempting to hear God’s call, understand it and heed it.  Speak Lord, your servant is listening.

We have an incredible opportunity pending… the potential merger of TrueManhood.com and The King’s Men (TKM) (www.thekingsmen.org.)  TKM is a Catholic lay apostolate currently based in Philadelphia.  They build up men in the mold of leader, protector and provider.  Mark Houck and Damian Wargo, TKM founders, have been praying about adding a third partner into the ministry for some time.  This may just be the time.  In order for this to happen, several things must take place first.

1. The Board of Directors for TKM (a non-profit) must vote and obtain a majority approval vote.  5 members must vote in favor.
2. Generous donations must continue to come in for TKM budget to be adequately equipped to handle a third salary.  (Information below.)
3. Mark and Damian must feel comfortable that I am the right man for the job.  This is a huge step for them and they want to make certain that this move is right.

Considering all these impediments, and possibly others, I humbly beg for your prayers.  It would be a dream to be able to work full-time in men’s ministry.  To be able to work with such an incredible ministry, as TKM, would make it even that much more special.  I truly believe that God has ordained this partnership and that we will greatly influence the lives of tens of thousands (if not more) men in the coming years.

Although I believe this merger is ordained by God, others must also believe.  This is where your prayers come in. Your financial support could also make this a reality much sooner.  Please consider becoming a benefactor for TKM – any and all donations help.  Recurring monthly donations are preferred, but no one’s picky here!  If you would like to become a benefactor, please email me directly at Dave@TrueManhood.com and I can get you in touch with TKM’s accounting department.

If every visitor to TrueManhood.com last week (merely a segmented sample group) donated $50 per month, we could raise $50,000/mo.  Please consider this.  May God’s will be done!

TrueMan up!

TrueManhood.com on CatholicTV.com

I’m excited to announce that TrueManhood.com will be featured on CatholicTV.com on Friday, August 27, 2010!  I am honored and privileged to have been invited onto their program called “This is the Day”.  The show airs on Friday, LIVE at 1030am EASTERN, with rebroadcasts all week.  Please join me in celebrating this new endeavor for our ministry!

Although I’ll only be visible via internet video (hopefully the technology works properly!), it will be a big step and lots of exposure for us!  Tune in.

For more information, please visit CatholicTV.com.

What’s Coming Next?

My apologies for not posting anything the past week.  Since I don’t have sponsors, paid advertisements and/or endorsements (hint hint, wink nudge) I don’t feel too guilty.  Actually, I was out of town visiting my very elderly grandmother and some of my extended family with my wife and children, computer time was very limited. TrueManhood.com has definitely been on my mind, but not a priority because much needed time with them was taking precedence.  So, since I haven’t written anything lately, I wanted to let everyone know what they can expect in the coming days.

Depending on what I see/hear about/come across/etc. “out there” in regards to TrueManhood, I’ll be posting whatever I think is worthy of a post.  Besides those stories, you can expect something on the following topics soon:

• Struggling with Lenten devotions, the struggle of Lent (general) and the tough days during Holy Week.
• Major League Baseball, Opening Day Special
• Holy Thursday – The Vortex, “Judas Today”
• An article about “supertaskers”
• A post about an irate hockey coach.  Temper, temper.
• A Dating Article
• A Eucharistic Miracle Video
• Plenty of other great stuff!

Until the next post, keep fighting the good fight!

Man up!

Fighting for Manliness Video

I finally got some of the video edited from my talk at the 2010 FOCUS National Conference in Orlando, FL on New Year’s Eve 2009. The talk was titled “Fighting for Manliness” for the Men’s Impact Sessions. The crowd for the two sessions totaled around 1,500 college men.

The video below is only part 1 of the 50 minute video.

In this talk, I highlighted some major points, including: What is Manliness?,  Manly Leadership,  Living Virtue,  Fighting the Giant of Pornography and more.

If your content is removed by your server, click HERE to view the video on YouTube.

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