Couldn’t Disagree More

In this video, Ted Haggard spouts off about forgiveness and restoration.  Haggard, an ex-evangelical preacher, you may recall, was caught up in a web of lies when his gay male prostitute “mistress”, also a meth addict, outed him and exposed him to not only his wife and children, but to his congregation (New Life Church in Colorado Springs – a non-denominational mega church) and the world.  Haggard was destroyed in the tabloids, the news, the reports, on the web and especially in Christian circles.  He was a fraud and led many astray because of his actions.

When Haggard speaks of restoration, he speaks as though he deserves it.  Although he can be forgiven, his attitude doesn’t seem (at least not to me) to be in the right place and it doesn’t seem that he wants to take any responsibility.  I’ve seen him in other videos and have always felt the same about those interviews.  He seems to place a lot of blame and like he doesn’t want to accept his consequences.  Not very manly, if you ask me.  ”…Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”

I couldn’t disagree more with what he says in this video.  He speaks of “the church”, as most Protestants do, as the group of people who believe in Christ.  As Catholics, we speak of “The Church” in a different way and I think that, as She always has, The Church does a great job of restoring people.  It’s frustrating to see a video like this because this ex-pastor, who still has influence on people and can give them reasons not to believe, feels like he can say whatever he wants with complete disregard for who hears it or who he affects.

Watch it and see what you think.  Leave me comments.

TrueMan up!

Prove It

There’s an aspect to manliness that I haven’t mentioned on the site, to date, and I want to bring it into the fold.  The aspect of “proving your manliness” is an underlying requirement to achieving TrueManhood.  Throughout all of time, in great civilizations and in small, young boys have had to prove their ability to be considered a man by the rest of the men.  Whether it was killing an animal, conquering a task, going on an adventure or enduring a trial of some sort, young boys weren’t considered a part of the group of men unless they accomplished the task.  Proving one’s manliness is something that we have forgotten in America.

How can we get back to proving one’s manliness, especially in light of the requirements that our world puts out there for guys “to be manly”?  How can we get back to this when what we talk about most on the site, in regards to TrueManhood, is virtue?  I think the answer lies somewhere between the older men (fathers, grandfathers, senior men, etc.)  setting an example of manliness and the young-to-middle-aged-men who have proven themselves as TrueMen to hold a standard of excellence as the requirements for boys and young men who have yet to prove themselves as TrueMen.  Somewhere along the way, we let go of the standard of excellence and now we are faced with the cultural issues of boys acting as if life was a fast action, shoot ‘em up movie or the opposite, where we have overly-effeminate males walking around aimlessly.

Why would proving manliness change anything?  Well, if young boys/men knew that they had to prove their manliness (note: this must happen through a rigorous process of proving that their actions are consistently ordered towards the good) before they could ask a girl on a date, before they could have a job, before they could have any responsibility, etc. I think it would greatly change the level of importance put on manliness, which is needed in the worst way.

Man up!

Tuesdays with Daddy – My Primary Vocation & Responsibility

Sometimes it’s hard to clearly determine priorities.  What’s really number one in my life?  Why is it number one?  What else must occur in order for number one to stay number one?  As a husband and father, my primary vocation is to care for my wife and children, and this is where priorities get sticky for me.  In order to care for them, I need to be with them, but at the same time, I also need to provide shelter, clothing, food and safety – the essentials.  In order to provide the essentials, I have to earn money.  In order to earn money, I have to be away from them, either at my office, on the road speaking or at other locations outside the home.  Since I’m also studying for my master’s degree, my time is taxed heavily.  This isn’t even to mention upkeep of the house and vehicles, house chores and other necessary errands that must be completed.  How do I determine rankings of my responsibilities?

I’ve found that taking myself out of the equation is the best way to make the determinations.  What?  Here’s what I mean… I try to remove my desires, my wants, my preferences and instead, place my wife and children (and all of their needs, wants and desires) first.  When I do this, I find that my emotions are kept in check (even though I might want to be making money, hanging with my guy friends or watching a game).  When my emotions are kept in check, I am able to clearly determine what’s important.  Keep in mind, that making money isn’t bad, and hanging with your guy friends isn’t bad.  They are both goods things.  However, if making money, hanging out with your guy friends or any other activity/project/endeavor takes you away from your priorities, they become distractions and hindrances.

So, when determining priorities, I recommend removing yourself and your emotions from the decision making process.  Once you do that, your mind will be clear and you’ll be able to clearly make the right decisions.  Best of luck.

Man up!

Tuesdays with Daddy – “You Really Do Reap What You Sow”

Another installment of “Tuesdays with Daddy”.  For those who don’t know, I stay home with my two young daughters on Tuesdays and always have something important to blog about.

Today, I realized that we really do reap what we sow.  This morning, as I woke up with my two year old, I was amazed at how sweet she was.  She was saying things to me, like, “Daddy, may I please have some more cereal?” and “Daddy, I love you, VERY MUCH!” and “Daddy, you’re wonderful!”

Do you see where I’m going with this?  She’s repeating back to me phrases and statements (tone is important here, too) that I tell her often.  If I regularly talked to her in rough words, or words that aren’t loving, caring and sincere, she would talk to me that way too.  Eventually, she would probably speak to her teachers, coaches and friends in that same manner.  Instead, I choose to speak to her in the way I want her to speak to me and the rest of the world – lovingly.  (Be assured, I am firm when I need to be firm and scold when I need to scold.)

We really do reap what we sow.  And we’re constantly being watched.  With my girls, I’m being watched all the time.  As a follower of Christ, I simply cannot choose to abandon this responsibility.  I MUST work to exemplify Christ at all times.  I drop the ball quite often (as many of you know) but continue to get up and fight.  It’s a lot of responsibility, but if we expect to see change in our world for God, we must take this challenge on.

In your own life, I challenge you to figure out what you are sowing.  Are you sowing love?  Are you sowing anger, hatred, lust?  We really do reap what we sow.

Man up!

Tuesdays with Daddy – Their Life in My Hands

As I’ve mentioned before, I have the distinct honor and pleasure of staying home each and every Tuesday with my two young daughters.  I plan to make my time with them a regular theme of my posts on Tuesdays because so much happens in a day’s time that a good amount of it is blog-worthy.

Today, something that struck me in a way it never had before, is the fact that my daughter’s lives are in my hands.  It is my responsibility to give them the love they need, that they desire and that they deserve.  This idea of “what they deserve” keeps resonating with me because I could easily fail to give them that.  I could easily slack off and be lazy and do the bare-minimum.  If I do, their lives will be forever altered because of it.  I simply can’t (and won’t) take that chance.  So, when I find myself doing less than my best, I have to remember that I can’t do less than 100%; they need 100%, the deserve 100%.

I know lots of fathers and lots of great examples of men who strive for this 100%-self-giving love.  You know at least one great dad in this world, hopefully your own.  Take a minute over the next few days to give him (or them) a pat on the back for the good job they do or have done.

Man up!

A Father's Example

I was walking to my truck today in a parking lot, carrying my youngest daughter.  We had just had a nice, leisurely stroll through a store – looking at all sorts of neat things.  As we proceeded to our vehicle, a small car was backing up.  The driver continued backing up, apparently not seeing me walking behind him, or so I thought.  He proceeded to shout something out, throwing in an F-Bomb and getting very agitated that someone happened to be walking behind him while he attempted to back out.  He said, and I quote: “(insert expletive #1 here), don’t walk behind a car when it’s (f-bomb-ing; expletive #2 here) backing up.  (Expletives #’s 3,4 & 5 here)… and so on.”  As I passed his little car, I heard his profane outburst and turned around to look at him, myself agitated that he’d use such language around my daughter.  The woman in the passenger seat saw me staring him down and quickly told the driver to “shut up and get out of here”.  He continued on with his second rant, cut short when he himself turned around and saw me staring him down. 

Now, I didn’t want to have to stare him down, after all, I was carrying my eight-month old daughter.  I figured in this situation that a quick, hard glance might scare him just enough to rethink what he had done.  What made me so frustrated with this guy was that there were little kids (two young boys, no older than eight years old) in the back seat.  I know this because I saw this foursome in the check-out line next to me inside the store.  His behavior inside the store was just as bad as it was in the parking lot, maybe worse.

Here’s my beef with this guy: he doesn’t realize the influence he has on those young boys.  I’m assuming he’s their dad, which is even more upsetting.  These little guys are going to grow up thinking that foul language, anger, aggressive behavior and who knows what other negativity is acceptable and normal.  They’re going to grow up believing that “if I want to be a man, I need to do as Daddy does”.  They’ll be mistaken and will continue to perpetuate the epidemic of males not being TrulyManly.

The reason I write these articles is precisely because of incidents like today’s.  Men everywhere are blowing it.  They’re dropping the ball and passing on incredibly detrimental characteristics to the coming generations.  I applaud the men who are TrueMen that are stopping the cycle and living out manhood the way God intended it.  It’s not easy being a father and having the responsibilities that come with it, yet it’s a must, we have no other choice.

By the way… “old Dave” (the guy I used to be) wanted to yell back, forcefully drag this lame excuse for a man out of his car and pound him until he figured it out.  That wouldn’t have worked out as well.  I think writing about it was a good alternative.

Man up!

The People Only Make Up The Church…

The people only make up the Church, they don’t make it.  Truth makes the Church.  I have two examples in two days of people missing the boat on what “the Church” is all about.  First example: I just watched a video of a pastor who spoke complete blasphemy about what the Church does.  He said something like “the church is one of the biggest hindrances to conversion.”  Obviously, this pastor is from a church that is wishy-washy and not centered in truth.  (It appeared, from the video to be an amphi-theatre style mega-church where laser lights and smoke machines play the role of sacramentals.)  His church, most likely, is centered on “whatever feels good” and “whatever it takes to “save” someone”.  It’s sad, really.  He’s missing the boat. 

He told this story about a pastor who was fear-mongoring people into not having sex.  The young lady that he took with him (a young, single mother in an extra-marital affair) wasn’t ready to hear that message, so this pastor was essentially blaming the Church for this poorly-delivered message, that most likely was “off” when it comes to sound doctrine.  He’s aligning everything that one or more individuals may do with the Church as a whole and totally missing the point.  See, Christ set up the Church to spread the Love of the Father, the Truth.  He set it up to bring people to the Father, not to push them away from it.  We grow closer to God through the Church.

Second example: yesterday, I was talking with a woman who said to me “I was raised Catholic, but I don’t go anymore.  Is that bad?, it’s bad, isn’t it?  I don’t like going because of all the hypocrisy… I’d see people there on Sunday and then they’d be talking bad about people the rest of the week.”  This lady went on and on about it being “bad” that she doesn’t go any more.  Then, she said to me “I used to like Fr. S0-and-So because his sermons were good.  Once he left, I haven’t been back.  Is that bad?”  I said to her, the people only make up the Church, they don’t make it.  If the people inside the Church are bad, it doesn’t mean that the Church is bad.  You should go, give it a try again.  It was very obvious to me that this lady doesn’t know what the Eucharist is.

It’s frustrating when people make condemning judgments (especially when they are made out of ignorance) like this that really affect the lives of others.  In the first case, the pastor is going to have to answer for his blasphemy and how he led many people astray.  The lady is going to have to answer for leading her kids astray, as well as herself.  If you are reading this and understand what I’m saying, you realize that it’s a big responsibility to be a servant of the Lord.  What are you saying or doing that may lead others closer to Christ?  What are you saying or doing that make lead others away from Christ?

Man up!

7 Days of Manly Superbowl Stuff – Day 5

Be a responsible man.  Take responsibility for your actions.  Sometimes, men (and women too, but men definitely take the cake in this category) like to blame other people for their mistakes, poor choices and general bad judgment.  This is not good.  This is not something you want to adopt as a characteristic to live  by.  Taking ownership and being responsible for what you say and do is a key to living a life of a True Man.  Your witness, success, happiness and future will be much brighter if you “man up” and “bite the bullet” when you do something less than your best.

How is he going to relate this to football?  Easy.  Imagine that you’re watching a game on Sunday.  How often (I’d say just about every time) do we see a player throw his hands up in unbridled disagreement to the referee’s call of a penalty? 

Why can’t they just admit that the face-masking call is legitimate and that the holding penalty occurred and that the pass interference wasn’t a figment of any body’s imagination?