Prayer Question
I received an email from a blog reader today and I thought I’d share the question and my response here. Thought it might be helpful for more than just this one guy. The question was: “My prayer life is really screwed-up. I was taught that a prayer life is a dialogue with God, through Jesus, about how to grow closer, gain insight and follow Christ. My prayers are rantings, raving, and venting about stupid and ridiculous things. Where did I go wrong?”
My response was pretty basic and doesn’t cover everything, but here’s what I suggested: “Thanks for the email. The fact that you are concerned about this shows that you care. There is a way to dialogue with God, but there’s not only one way. You have to find your own way to pray. I recommend finding some solid books on prayer, talking to a priest, listening to CDs/mp3s on the topic, etc.
Start with this, to get back into the swing of properly ordered prayer… A.C.T.S. is an acronym to structure your prayer. It may help.
- Adoration – Adoring God.
- Contrition – Showing remorse for your sins against God.
- Thanksgiving – Giving thanks for anything and everything.
- Supplication – Asking God for things/requests that you need/want.
You can also spend time, not only in contemplative prayer, but in meditation, journaling, sitting in silence, repetitive prayer, spending time in Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament, etc.
All the best. Keep trying!”
TrueMan up!
“Lately, Life Has Been a Roller Coaster”
Do you ever have those periods of time when life is, well, crazy? When EVERYTHING hits the fan, deadlines are coming, stressors are numerous, money is constantly on your mind? When you’re trying to live life to the fullest, be a great man, attend to your responsibilities and give everything your all? I’ve had a few straight months of living like that. Where life wouldn’t seem to slow down, and you’re always looking ahead to see if there’s an oxygen break coming soon.
Over the past two months specifically, I have been experiencing a lot. LOTS of uncertainty and unknown. Lately, life has been, as they say, a roller coaster. TrueManhood.com Blog has been the recipient of a serious amount of neglect from me, and to my passionate readers and daily-blog-followers, I apologize. I have some great stuff planned, that should be coming your way soon.
When life gets like this, I try to do a few things. For instance… when I have uncertainty, I tend to pray more. I try to listen harder to what God wants from me. I try really hard to be aware of what’s happening in my life, taking an objective view of what is going on and what it could possibly mean. I also tend to be better with money, realizing that only because we’ve been good with money when it’s fruitful and abundant can we make it when things are, let’s say, tighter. I try to spend as much time with my family as I can, when life gets crazy busy. The more time with them, the more focused I can be when I’m working – always remembering that work is work and home/family is home/family. To name a few.
If life is throwing high-heat, curve balls, screw balls and spit balls at you, call time out and gather yourself. Rely more on God. Listen to Him more. Step back for a moment and see what’s important and urgent. You’ll make clearer decisions, reduce your blood pressure and overall, be a better man. Oh yeah, did I mention that this sort of behavior is like working on growing in virtue?
TrueMan up!
An Act of Heroism
This clip isn’t easy to watch, and my heart goes out to this mother and child. What a great example of virtue and TrueManhood from this husband and father. The man’s father puts it well by saying that love will fix the situation. It may seem ridiculous to some, but love heals. Afterall, do you think God liked seeing His Son dying on the cross? Not a chance. But, the love which Christ poured out for us, by giving up His life, was love at its core. This man, Brian Wood, knew what it meant to love.
This piece shows me several things:
- Our society has a drastically obvious double-standard about pro-life issues. Notice how this pregnancy happens to be a baby – in this setting – but in most others, it’s simply a blob, a tissue-mass or an embryo.
- Our society drastically misunderstands virtue. If you notice, several times the gentleman’s actions were misinterpreted, saying that he made a choice and acted. Although he did make a choice to sacrifice himself, he acted out of virtue. The virtue of courage was obviously a part of this man’s life.
- Our society will likely see a video clip like this and continue to abuse alcohol and drugs. Selfishness runs rampant in our culture. Fight it by not being selfish. Be a selfless servant.
My condolences to the family.
TrueMan u!
Busy, Frustrated, Anxious, Confused
Lately, life has been on a lightspeed pace. I think I’ve bitten off more than I can chew. I’m frustrated with various
things, anxious about what’s happening in life and confused as to what God’s doing in my life. But I’m a man… I shouldn’t be admitting this. Right? I should be strong and well-put-together. I should have everything taken care of with time to spare. Right? I should be self-sufficient. I should be completely ahead of the curve. Should, should, should.
Well, we all know that sometimes we aren’t ahead of the curve. Sometimes, life gets busy and we get behind. How do you keep it all straight? How do you keep your head above water? Are you a yes-aholic? Do you have trouble ordering your priorities? (I’ve written about priorities before, just do a search for “PRIORITY” and you’ll find some good stuff.) Do you struggle with loads of work yet waste away time on meaningless activities and hobbies?
I recommend a few things. First and foremost, I recommend that you examine your prayer life. If you’re praying, your foundation is strong and you take the necessary time to sit in 
quiet with God. If you’re not praying, try starting with 15 minutes a day. Along with daily prayer, frequent reception of the Sacraments is vital. Next, I recommend that you organize your life however works best for you. Maybe it’s a planner, a calendar, a list, post-it notes, etc. Don’t just let life happen to you, dictate what your day looks like. Next, I recommend that you (if you’re in the same boat as me) start saying ‘no’ to some things. Today, I cancelled three future meetings (to be rescheduled) and moved two other events around so I could breathe. Do whatever it takes to order your life properly. An ordered life is the goal, because then everything is in it’s proper place. “Living balance means that you’re doing what you want to do. Living order means that you’re doing what you ought to do.”
As men, sometimes we are told that we can’t or shouldn’t rely on others for help. This is not logical, it’s not practical and it’s not Scriptural. Lean on those around you to help you out. Reach out to friends, family, colleagues that will assist you in reaching your goals. Showing vulnerability or the need for help doesn’t mean you’re less manly, it just means that you need some help. In this entire process, I recommend taking life in stride and to remain positive. If you are negative, and if you complain, you will only add stress and strain on your already busy lifestyle.
Best of luck in reaching your goals! Your prayers for me are appreciated as I navigate the everchanging and rapid waters of my life.
TrueMan up!
“Be A Dad!”
Here’s an article from Fr. Larry Richards, a great priest and awesome speaker. Thought you’d like it.
“Be a Dad!” | Fr. Larry Richards | Adapted and excerpted from Be a Man! Becoming the Man God Created You to Be | Ignatius Insight
You are going to die!
It doesn’t matter how rich we are, or how popular we are, or how powerful we are: we are all going to “kick the bucket” one day. Isn’t that a nice thought?
What we have to do is take some time to sit and meditate about taking our last breath. What do you want your wife to say about you? What do you want your kids to say about you? Once you’ve decided, “Okay, when I am taking my last breath this is what I want”, you can start living your life with your end goal in mind. You will start living in such a way that when the day of your death happens, the people who know you will say what you want them to say.
Death is the ultimate thing that takes control out of our hands. Even if we commit suicide, we cannot control what happens after we die. Not one of us had control over our own birth and not one of us has control of what happens after we die.
I have been to a lot of deathbeds throughout my priesthood, so I know what it is going to be like when you are dying. While you are lying there, the thing that is going to be most important to you is your relationships—the people that you loved and the people that in return loved you.
Then why don’t we live every day with that in mind? Make the decision to never let your wife or your kids go to bed or walk out the door without telling them first that you love them—life is just too short! It will change your family. It will change the world.
You should underline John 15:12 in your Bible, where Jesus commands us, “Love one another as I have loved you.” This is not an option. He also said, “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you” (Jn 15:9). Jesus told the people He loved that He loved them.
Why is it that men do not do that? Men are embarrassed. They are afraid. It makes them vulnerable. They think to be a man, you don’t go around telling the people you love that you love them; but Jesus told twelve men that He loved them. Then He told us to love others in the same way.
Let me give you a hint: you will never in your life regret that you told your wife and your kids and the people you love that you love them—never. You won’t be lying on your deathbed one day saying, “I can’t believe that I daily told my loved ones that I loved them. What is the matter with me?”
Now, how do you fall in love with someone? You know that you did not get to know your future wife by meeting her once and giving her forty five minutes to an hour once a week. You spent time with her. You got to know her. The same is true with our relationship with God. It might take you months—it might take you years—but you have to do it. You have to keep spending time with God until the answer to the question of whether or not you know God is unequivocally yes.
We need to know who our true Father is. There’s only one Father for everybody: God the Father! That guy you call your dad, he’s the instrument of fatherhood, but he’s not your true Father.
When we talk about our fathers—whether we had a good father, a bad father, a close and supportive father, or a distant and unsupportive father whom we did not know at all—it doesn’t matter as much because the reality is, we all have the same Father in heaven. It’s that Father Who will bring healing to us.
Husbands are called to love God primarily through their wives. Your wife is the sacrament of Christ to you. You are the sacrament of Christ to your wife. When she looks at you, she is supposed to see Jesus Christ. That is why Ephesians 5:22–24 is such a wonderful passage. It says, “Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church, his body, and is himself its Savior. As the Church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands.” Many of us remember the translation that said that wives were to be “submissive to their husbands”. The problem is that many men just stop with their wives being “submissive”. The men love that part, which is why so many women go crazy.
I make this very explicit when I am preaching at a marriage ceremony. I start with the bride and I say, “Sweetheart, you read the Bible every day, don’t you?” At first I usually get a “Yes, Father”, and then I say kiddingly, “If you lie to a priest, you know, you go to hell.” Then she will usually quickly say, “Okay, no, Father.” Then I continue, “Well, there is a verse in Ephesians that says, ‘Wives, be submissive to your husbands, as to the Lord.’ ” And then I ask, “Do you think it means what it says?” And I always get an emphatic “No, Father!” Then I literally jump up and down and scream, “Yes, it means what it says!” When I say this, all the feminists in the crowd become very upset and say things like, “This is another reason I hate the Catholic Church.” And the bride thinks, “Why did we ever get this priest to marry us?” I love this!
Then, as anyone who knows me knows, I am an equal opportunity offender, so I turn to the groom, who usually likes all of this. Now it is time for the other shoe to fall. I then ask the groom, “You read the Bible every day, right?” He always responds, “No, Father.” Then I ask, “Well, do you know what it says in Ephesians after ‘Wives, be submissive to your husbands’?” The groom always shakes his head and says, “No.” Then I continue, “It says, ‘Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her.’ ” Then I ask, “Do you know what that means?” I then continue kiddingly, “Your life is over!” Then I tell them that every day they need to be more concerned about each other than they are about themselves! That is what marriage is about!
So you need to start to do at least one unselfish act for your wife every day. Surprise her. When was the last time you treated her the same way you did when you were still trying to get her to marry you?
Next, let us focus on your children, which I think is easier because they are a part of you. Do we allow our children to be themselves? Some people think that the best father you can be is a strong disciplinarian. Absolutely, I agree. But just as much as you discipline your children, you must also build them up.
Sometimes we are just harsh and we think this is what God wants, but that isn’t the way God is. God loves us. He gives away His life for us. And then He always tells us He loves us. Correct?
One of the roles that men have, given to them by God (see Gen 3:16; 1 Cor 11:3; Eph 5:23), is to be the spiritual leaders of their families. Now this is where I have called men “spiritual wimps” for many years. Many men have let their wives be the spiritual leaders of their families, but this is not the way God created it to be. Now this does not mean that you are the master of your wife and family; it means, like Jesus Christ, you are the servant leader of your family.
First off, this means that you lead by example. You must be a man of prayer. For it is only as a son who listens to his heavenly Father that you can bring the will of the Father to your family. You cannot be a good and true leader unless you are a true and good follower. You must daily spend committed time in prayer with God, then lead your family in prayer. Do you have daily committed time with your family in prayer? And no, grace before meals is not enough!
You need to be the spiritual leader by being a man of sacrifice. You exist to give your life away for others, like Jesus did. That means you give your life for your family first and foremost.
My good friend Danny Abramowicz loves to tell men at men’s conferences: “Men, your kids will always love their mother, but they want to become just like you!” If we are not holy ourselves, then our families will not be holy. It is that simple. God is going to speak to men, women, and children, but He is speaking especially to men to help us be His very image.
You are the sacrament of Fatherhood to your children just like St. Joseph was the sacrament of Fatherhood to Jesus. Just as God used St. Joseph to form Jesus Christ in His humanity, so too does He want to use you to form your children. So I would encourage you before you read any further to stop and ask St. Joseph for his intercession for you so you can grow in holiness.
The Lord God of the universe is calling all of us to be great men, men that are examples of Him and who use Him as our example. We are called to become another Christ in this world. Our goal is to bring others to Him.
Do it and you will live forever.
Catholic Men’s Conference at FUS
This past weekend, I attended a men’s conference at the Franciscan University of Steubenville. I’d like to share a few thoughts from the weekend and a few challenges that correspond.
First off, we are all sinners. No matter how long you’ve been involved in your faith, or how many ministry ‘things’ you attend, or the number of men you’ve spoken to at conferences or how old you are… we all have room to grow. Keep working on getting better! It’s a daily thing, not just a 60 minute thing on Sundays.
Secondly, the vast majority of the Catholic population doesn’t live for Christ. They live for themselves. We all must turn away from sin and have a conversion. On Friday night of the conference, the evening’s speaker spoke of how St. Paul wrote about baptism. The imagery that St. Paul used showed that the waters of baptism are not waters of life (as most believe), but actually waters of death. These waters of death kill off the old self and require us to be born anew in Christ Jesus. The coming out of the waters requires us to live differently. This different way of life is radically different from what the world tells us life is all about. The reward of this life is not of this world, but of life eternal with God in Heaven.
Lastly, I want to convey the incredible need for additional men’s ministry programs around the country. We need to have a men’s ministry program everywhere and need to reach out to more men. No one man can do it all. So, if you are in an area that doesn’t have anything for men, then get started! I can get you the resources needed to start small faith formation groups, or to start a men’s conference, or do to weekend retreats, or whatever it may be that you’re looking for. The important element here… if there’s a need, then step up and fill the gap.
TrueMan up!
What Makes Porn So Bad?!
So last post (Porn Gone Mobile) I said that I would talk about why porn is so bad. The totality of the answer can’t fit into this post, so here’s what I’ve got for you today. A great number of people, even those who do not currently look at, use, buy or sell porn, believe that there is nothing wrong with porn. This is a sign of a culture that has completely lost its moral compass. Not only has the moral compass been lost, it has since been replaced with a compass (better stated as a philosophy) that is so far from the truth that it actually denies that absolute truth exists! This philosophy… moral relativism. Relativism states that all things are relative. If you really believe that the composition of the stuff that makes up the ocean is not H2O, but actually H3O7, then in relativism, H3O7 is “truth for you”.
Sure, that’s a silly example, but it can be extended onto any philosophical issue… any issue related to morals, ethics, virtue, choices, life, death… you name it. You may believe that abortion isn’t murder of a human life, but that doesn’t make your belief true. The problem with moral relativism is, well, everything. It denies the absolute truth and leaves everything for the individual to determine. Not a good place to start. If relativism is true, then what Christ did on the cross doesn’t matter. If relativism is true, then God isn’t the ‘unmoved Mover’. If relativism is true, then there’s no definition to what manliness is. So…
That brings us back to porn and why it IS so bad. It’s not that porn is only bad for me and for some other select group of people. It’s not that I’m ‘trying to force my morality on someone’. It’s not that only certain kinds of porn are bad. It’s all intrinsically evil. Catechism of the Catholic Church, paragraph 2354, states: “It offends against chastity because it perverts the conjugal act… It does grave injury to the dignity of its participants… It is a grave offense.” The production of, distribution of and/or the use of pornography damages the individual, causing them to enter into mortal sin, a total turning away from God. It is a lie. It is repulsive.
On another note, porn is intrinsically evil because it destroys our brain’s ability to function properly. When porn is viewed/used, a chemical bond is created. The chemical involved is a hormone, called oxytocin. Oxytocin exists in both males and females. One of the most commonly known occurrences of oxytocin is in child birth. It is one of the bonding agents between a mother and a newborn child – a very powerful bond. Oxytocin is also released in sexual orgasm, thus creating a bond. When the bond is based on a fantasy, ie porn, the bond is incredibly detrimental. This false bond distorts the understanding of the sexual act. Once the distorted bond is in place, often times, the bond continues to deteriorate. Many men choose to allow this bond into their life and then wonder why real intimacy and actual giving of oneself in marriage is so difficult.
If you haven’t been exposed to porn, I urge you to do everything in your power to stay away from it. Porn is just like meth… it only
takes one time. If you have been exposed to porn, it will continue to bond you to the fantasy, to the sexual act, to the addiction. If you’re a single man using porn, the distorted bond will damage your relationships, it will be a stumbling block to finding the right spouse, it will become your motivation. If/When you get married, it will cause you to be selfish in regards to intimacy with your wife, not to mention in day-to-day activities and interactions. If you’re a married man using porn, I’m almost 100% certain that the intimacy with your wife is distorted by your addiction. Not only does it distort your relationship with your wife, it distorts the relationship you have with your children, friends and co-workers.
The good news, as stated before many times, is that freedom from porn exists! I’m walking proof. I had these distortions in my life. It takes a ton of hard work to get over them, as well as daily prayer, the Sacraments and God’s grace. You can do it! Get rid of the porn today!
TrueMan up!
True Devotion to Jesus, Through Mary
Today is the feast day of St. Louis de Montfort. St. Louis lived in the 17th and 18th centuries and his greatest contribution to the faith
was that of perseverance in the face of critique and encouragement of the Church to be devoted to Jesus through Mary. For many, this Catholic teaching is hard because they may see devotion to Mary as an unnecessary practice, and in some cases, as blasphemous. Others may see devotion to Mary as something less-than-manly. On the contrary! Devotion to Mary, which St. Louis stressed in both writings, words and deeds, is the way to grow incredibly close to her son, our Lord, Jesus. As men, we have a great deal to learn about obedience and can learn a lot from Mary’s example.
First, the Maryology… there’s too much that would go into giving a dissertation on Mary here, however, I will draw attention to her place in salvation history. Mary accepted God’s will in her life and enthusiastically followed. Through her ‘yes’, Christ came into the world. Christ means King, and Mary therefore is the Queen Mother. The Queen Mother sits with the King petitioning for His loyal servants. (1 Kings 1:19.) By her ‘yes’, we reap the benefits of our Saviour.
St. Louis shows us that the theological virtues are the way to TrueManhood. He set a great example for us to achieve the virtues of faith, hope and love. The world attempts to tell men that these virtues are feminine and unnecessary. Take a look at just about any piece of media and you will see a direct attack against these virtues. St. Louis demonstrated great courage in the face of opposition and persecution to strive for faith, hope and love.
Lastly, a brief word of encouragement in regards to the Rosary. Faithful Catholics don’t just ‘say’ the Rosary, we ‘pray’ the Rosary. The Rosary is a mixture of reciting communal prayers (Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory Be, etc.) AND a deep meditation (simultaneously, mind you) of the mysteries of the Rosary. The mysteries point directly to Christ’s life and ministry, culminating in His saving work of dying on the cross for our sins – the greatest example of manliness we have! Pray on!
The Rosary is our sword in the battle of Good vs. Evil.
TrueMan up!
Earth Day 2010 – Nature’s Greatest Gift
Congrats to Brian Burch and the folks at CatholicVote.org for putting together an awesome Pro-Life marketing movement, using Earth Day as the catalyst… and for encouraging Americans to think about nature’s greatest gift. These posters have been plastered on buses, subways and trains in numerous large cities around the country, including Chicago, San Francisco, Seattle and Los Angeles.
Check out the video they put together getting folk’s thoughts on the street. Click HERE if you can’t view the video.
Tomorrow, Thursday, April 22, 2010, is Earth Day. I challenge you to take a good look at how you view Earth, nature, creation. Do you value it as the incredible gift that God has given to you or do you take advantage of it? Squander it? Disrespect it? Heck, don’t only do that on Earth Day, do that every day.
TrueMan up!
For Women – Is He Mr. Right?
I recently came across an online article titled “Is He Mr. Right?” I was curious what the article said, doubting that any of it was substantive or even remotely helpful. The information was, well, eh. The article had five main points, and if your “Mr. Next” met all five, then voilà! ”You’ve found Mr. Right!” What do you think?
The first point was “He Listens to You”. Huh?, what’s that? Oh, sorry. Although listening is a vital component to just about every human relationship, I don’t know that it’s essential in choosing Mr. Right. The first point continues on, saying “you’ll know he listens to you when he shows genuine concern, consistently remembers things you’ve told him and offers emotional support in honest and thoughtful way.” Well… I don’t think that the actions mentioned here are listening, although listening played a role. The action is ‘showing’, ‘remembering’ and ‘offering’. Listening doesn’t make things happen… doing does. With that said, God gave us each 2 ears and only 1 mouth, meaning that we should probably listen twice as much as we talk.
The second point is rather silly… “He Connects with You.” If a guy isn’t connecting with you, why are you dating him?
The third point is good, although not developed enough for my tastes… “He Wants the Real You.” The author writes about a woman not giving up any part of her identity for a man, which is fine and good. I think that when either person does that, it only leads to falsehood, and eventually, the truth comes out and problems come up. I believe one of the best ways for the guy to really want the ‘real’ you, is for him to know you before you date. This begins the topic of dating with a purpose, although we don’t have time for that here.
The fourth point is even better than the third. Here it is, verbatim: “A relationship without trust is doomed from the start. But a relationship with abundant trust? A fabulous foundation for real and lasting love! Built over time, trust is based on the simple belief system that your partner has your best interests at heart and will never intentionally hurt you (and vice versa). If and when you discover that Mr. Next is 100 percent trustworthy, you’ll have no trouble giving your heart to him. In return, he’ll most likely give you his heart and pave the way for a lasting, loving relationship to unfold.” Here’s my qualm with this on… be overly careful with who you give your heart to. Just because he’s trustworthy, doesn’t make him worthy of your heart. Be careful, please.
The fifth point isn’t all the great, at least not for the ‘all-encompassing’ characteristic that a man must have, blah blah blah. ”He Enriches Your Life.” Is that the best this author can do? What about virtue here? What about how he treats you? What about how compatible your life goals, dreams and aspirations are? Again, as with the second point, this seems a bit silly for me.
I think the author is missing the boat, unless, of course, the point of dating is solely to have fun. If that’s the case, then what’s the
point in even caring about Mr. Right? Why not just care about Mr. Right-Now? The point should be that dating with a purpose is the only way that a relationship will truly last and truly bring happiness to both people. These relationships, however, must have Christ at their center if they want that happiness. Ladies, please know that you are incredible. God created you for greatness and you have nothing stopping you from that. You deserve the best and should never compromise for a counterfeit version of the best. So many women attempt to find value in the things that happen to them (compliments, stares, successes at work, awards, etc.) instead of finding true value in the fact that you are a daughter of God. He is the only place for true fulfillment.
