“My Banner is Clear”

At the last two TKM Into the Wild retreats in October, we came across this very powerful and invigorating writing in the Magnificat from Patrick Madrid, a Catholic author and apologist.  The timing of this publication was impeccable.  It was amazing to hear the men read these words after having gone through so much growth on the weekend.  Many men embraced these words and are now Part of the Fellowship of the Unashamed.

THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE UNASHAMED

THE DIE HAS BEEN CAST. THE DECISION HAS BEEN MADE.  I HAVE STEPPED OVER THE LINE. I WON’T LOOK BACK, LET UP, SLOW DOWN, BACK AWAY, OR BE STILL.

MY PAST IS REDEEMED, MY PRESENT MAKES SENSE, AND MY FUTURE IS IN GOD’S HANDS. I AM FINISHED AND DONE WITH LOW LIVING, SIGHT WALKING, SMALL PLANNING, THE BARE MINIMUM, SMOOTH KNEES, COLORLESS DREAMS, TAMED VISIONS, MUNDANE TALKING, FRIVOLOUS LIVING, SELFISH GIVING, AND DWARFED GOALS.

I NO LONGER NEED PREEMINENCE, PROPERITY, POSITION, PROMOTIONS, APPLAUSE, OR POPULARITY. I DON’T HAVE TO BE RIGHT, FIRST, THE BEST, RECOGNIZED, PRAISED, REGARDED OR REWARDED. I NOW LIVE BY FAITH. I LEAN ON CHRIST’S PRESENCE. I LOVE WITH PATIENCE, LIVE BY PRAYER, AND LABOR WITH THE POWER OF GOD’S GRACE.

MY FACE IS SET. MY GAIT IS FAST, MY GOAL IS HEAVEN. MY ROAD IS NARROW, MY WAY IS ROUGH, MY COMPANIONS ARE FEW, MY GUIDE IS RELIABLE, AND MY MISSION IS CLEAR.

I CANNOT BE BOUGHT, COMPROMISED, DETOURED, LURED AWAY, TURNED BACK, DELUDED, OR DELAYED.  I WILL NOT FLINCH IN THE FACE OF SACRIFICE, HESITATE IN THE PRESENCE OF ADVERSITY, NEGOTIATE AT THE TABLE OF THE ENEMY, PONDER AT THE POOL OF POPULARITY, OR MEANDER IN THE MAZE OF MEDIOCRITY.

I WON’T GIVE UP, SHUT UP, LET UP, OR SLOW UP UNTIL I HAVE STAYED UP, STORED UP, PRAYED UP, PAID UP, AND SPOKEN UP FOR THE CAUSE OF CHRIST.

I AM A DISCIPLE OF JESUS. I MUST GO TILL HE COMES, GIVE UNTIL I DROP, SPEAK OUT UNTIL ALL KNOW, AND WORK UNTIL HE STOPS ME.  AND WHEN HE RETURNS FOR HIS OWN, HE WILL HAVE NO DIFFICULTY RECOGNIZING ME. MY BANNER IS CLEAR; I AM A PART OF THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE UNASHAMED.

BY PATRICK MADRID

“Courageous” Opens Tomorrow

VERY RARELY do I get excited about a movie debuting in the theaters.  To put my theater-movie-watching in perspective, the last two movies I’ve seen in the theater have been “Tangled”, which I took my oldest daughter to as a special daddy-daughter date and the 4th Indiana Jones.  (That one came out in the summer of 2008.)  So, you can see that I don’t frequent the movie theater.  Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy movies, but I struggle terribly to find time to go to the theater and I struggle even more with paying ticket prices for movies nowadays!  (Tangled was a matinee with a coupon, and someone gave me free passes for Indiana Jones.)

BUT… I must say that I am VERY excited about an upcoming movie that is making its way to the big screen tomorrow (Friday, September 30, 2011).  The movie is called “Courageous”.  The producers of this film also produced the movie “Fireproof” (and a few others), which I thought was a good movie.  If “Fireproof” was good, “Courageous” is great!  I had the privilege of pre-screening the movie with my colleagues at our office and have the honor of being part of The King’s Men, one of the ministry-resources for men after they see the movie.

For the pre-screening, I went in very skeptical.  I went in believing that Sherwood Pictures was going to make the movie cheesy with Bible innuendos and very heavy, to the point of burdensome, like they did in “Fireproof”.  Not so.  ”Courageous” was very well done and had just the right amount of the “Jesus-factor” so as to still be relate-able as a tool for evangelization purposes with men who are non-believers.  This movie has action, drama, suspense, thrills, excitement and a host of other great characteristics.  I cannot recommend this movie high enough.  Go see it, even at current ticket prices, and show Hollywood that Americans want good, wholesome entertainment and not the garbage they have been spewing for years.

This movie is real.  It is about real men, attempting to live through some real life issues and situations.  It’s very practical and very helpful.  The acting is top notch, the storyline is right on and the cinematography is great.  Again, I cannot recommend this movie enough. (The trailer is located on our homepage on the right side.)

After you see the movie, you may want to get involved.  If you desire to follow in the example of the men in the movie, and become part of a small men’s group, I have a turn-key solution for you.  The King’s Men offers a men’s small group formation & accountability model that is easily duplicated, dynamic and proven.  We do not charge dues, have no membership and offer incredible support to our leaders.  Don’t try to reinvent the wheel – we have the track record of  a program that works.  Men’s lives are changed because of it.  Men who invest themselves into a men’s small group experience extreme growth and positive change.  Don’t wait another day!  If your parish/church/group/city/area gather enough men together, I can personalize a leader’s training workshop for you and train all of your facilitators in a day-long training session, complete with resource manual and all the how-to’s and nuts and bolts you could ever need.  The calendar is filling up fast, so contact me today!

For a list of existing groups, check out our GROUP LIST.  If one is nearby, all you have to do is show up.  If we don’t currently have any groups nearby, maybe this is the day you step up and start one.  Contact me for all the resources and support you need.  Dave@TheKingsMen.org.

TrueMan up!

A Message from Dads.org Founder, Steve Wood

Here’s the latest message from Dads.org Founder, Steve Wood…

Raising Boys to Men in an Effeminate Culture

I’d like to extend a special welcome to the three hundred new subscribers who recently signed up for this newsletter after seeing the re-broadcasts of my EWTN series The Carpenter’s Shop.

The re-broadcast of this series brought to mind my interview with Dr. Joseph Nicolosi, author of A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality. Dr. Nicolosi, an orthodox Catholic psychologist, is the world’s leading expert in treating youth experiencing gender identity confusion, or struggling with homosexuality. This interview also sparked my desire to reprint one of my favorite articles that I’ve written over the years: Lessons for Dads from Secondhand Lions.

Lots of Christian parents who had assumed homosexuality could never strike a loved one in their family now realize how wrong they were to be complacent about this terrible threat.

If you think homosexuality can’t possibly strike any of your children, take note of a survey of 34,706 12-year-olds from Minnesota. The survey found that 25.9 percent of these kids weren’t sure whether they were homosexual or heterosexual. That’s astounding. However at the age of 12 a child isn’t suffering from homosexuality but rather a gender identity confusion, which is a fixable problem.

Much better than trying to fix a problem is preventing it. Dr. Nicolosi is crystal clear that the best way to prevent homosexuality is for a father to be lovingly involved in his son’s life. A son’s attachment to his father as he matures throughout boyhood and adolescence is the key for his healthy masculine development. To put it simply – it takes a man to make a man out of a boy.

I strongly recommend the following four steps to learn how a father (grandfather, uncle, coach, scout leader, or a mentor) helps a boy become a man:

Step 1 – Read the article below, Lessons for Dads from Secondhand Lions

Step 2 – Watch the movie, Secondhand Lions

Step 3 – Read A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality

Step 4 – Watch Secondhand Lions a second time

The four-step plan outlined above is perfect for individual fathers and it is an ideal study plan for a men’s small group.

The most frequent parenting mistake I see is the failure to anticipate the needs of teenagers during early childhood. Another mistake is failing to anticipate the needs of young adults during the teenage years. Make no mistake: you have to be at least one or two steps ahead of your children. Take action now to prevent your children from getting caught up in the worldwide spread of homosexuality.

Lessons for Dads from Secondhand Lions

My movie recommendations are hopelessly obsolete since by the time I get around to seeing a movie it is usually about to leave theaters. So this article isn’t a preview, but a reflection on a fascinating film for fathers.

Secondhand Lions featuresWalter, a shy and awkward boy being raised by an irresponsible single mom with multiple boyfriends. Walter is abandoned for the summer when his mother drops him off at the rundown, rural Texas home of his great uncles.

At the difficult stage of life when a boy needs to mature into his manhood, Walter seems to have every conceivable strike against his healthy development. Yet Walter’s manhood miraculously matures as a result of his relationship with two cranky old men.

Garth and Hub (Michael Caine and Robert Duvall) are the gruff-talking, shotgun-toting, anti-social, rough-around-the-edges, great uncles. They sure don’t have Ph.D.’s in developmental psychology, and at first they don’t seem particularly interested in helping to make a man out of Walter. In fact, Garth and Hub seem like the worst possible father-substitutes for this semi-orphaned boy. Yet they do a marvelous job in helping Walter make the transition from boyhood to manhood.

Here are Garth and Hub’s secrets for turning this boy into a young man: Shoot, fish, eat, work, ride in the truck, and have lots of fun as guys – not really too complicated. They just did all this stuff together and, despite having every social strike against him, Walter grows into a well-adjusted man.

It takes a man to convey and confirm masculinity to a boy. It doesn’t come via auto-pilot. It doesn’t come from the most committed and talented mother, or female teacher. Dad, let me repeat this: It takes a man to help a boy develop his masculinity. I wrote this in The ABCs of Choosing a Good Husband:

“A young boy is naturally drawn into a close attachment to his mother. Being a ‘mama’s boy’ under seven years of age is fine and healthy. And yet for a boy to mature fully in his masculinity, he needs to ‘detach’ from Mom and form a closer attachment with his father throughout older boyhood and adolescence.

A boy matures into manhood through this close identification with his father. Once a young man has fully matured in this way, he’s ready for a close reattachment to a woman — his wife. But it’s extremely difficult for a boy to mature in his masculinity without the presence of a father.”

When boys don’t have men to help them mature, they turn out haywire – hoods and homosexuals are just two extreme types of boys who don’t make the transition to manhood.

The hoods in Secondhand Lions who pull switchblades and try (quite unsuccessfully) to rough up Robert Duvall were asserting their pseudo-masculinity. After the fight, Duvall befriends the hoods and takes them home. He recognizes that these young toughs have a deficiency of real manhood. So he gives them his “man talk” to help them become real men. After observing this, Walter wisely senses his own need for the “man talk” and desperately pleads for one.

Although frequently unacknowledged, homosexuality and gender-confusion also stem from the failure to make the successful transition from boyhood to manhood. Homosexuality is now a common phenomenon among Catholic teens and twenties.

What should Catholic parents of a homosexual or gender-confused child do? The last thing I would advise is heeding the document, “Always Our Children.” I also advise keeping your children far from anyone or anything associated with the National Association of Catholic Diocesan Lesbian and Gay Ministries . Homosexuality and gender confusion are serious problems requiring solid psychological advice.

Dr. Joseph Nicolosi is on my short-list of reliable Catholic psychologists. Every Catholic dad should read his book, A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality.

Dr. Nicolosi, who has spoken with hundreds of homosexual men over the past fifteen years, says, “I have never met a single homosexual man who said he had a close, loving, and respectful relationship with his father. I have never known a single case of a homosexual man who was not wounded in his relationships within the male world.”

Dr. Nicolosi asserts, “Fathers make men.” He describes how boys have a critical developmental task that girls don’t. A boy needs “to disidentify from his mother and identify with his father” if he is to grow into a normal heterosexual man. “Every boy has a deep longing to be held, to be loved by a father figure, to be mentored into the world of men, and to have his masculine nature affirmed and declared good enough by his male peers, his male elders, and mentors.”

On a recent live radio show with Dr. Nicolosi as my guest, we received a call from a concerned mother about her son’s masculine development. Dr. Nicolosi asked her, “How is your son’s relationship with his father?” She said, “Oh it’s great. They’re buddies, they play sports together all the time, and they hunt and fish together.” Dr. Nicolosi said, “Everything’s okay, there will be no problems.” The mother, not entirely convinced, went on to voice additional concerns when Dr. Nicolosi interrupted her and confidently predicted that this boy will turn out just fine thanks to his relationship with his father.

Secondhand Lions is an encouraging film for dads raising sons in our gender-confused and lack-of-genuine-manhood culture. If Garth and Hub, a pair of cranky and slightly crazy great-uncles, can lead Walter into his manhood, you can too. Garth and Hub weren’t perfect by a long shot, but they did share their lives and their manhood with Walter. It was a priceless gift.

Don’t let yourself be absorbed by your career and your personal sports and hobbies apart from your sons. You’ve got to be with your sons in order to share your manhood with them. Your wife can’t do this job for you. Expensive toys will not fill this void in your son. It takes you to lead your son into his manhood.

So, sweat with your sons while doing physical work together. Fish and go boating this summer. Shoot some skeet next fall. Maybe fix up an old truck and go places (boys really like going through dirt and mud). Finally, engage in some slightly risk-taking fun with them – deeply religious dads sometimes forget this vital “risky-fun” component of fathering sons. (My attorney advises me against giving specific recommendations, but I’m sure you can come up with something!)

Four Days For Fathers – Day 4

What an incredible gift it is to be a father!  In the past 3 years, I have learned so much about myself, about life, about love, about commitment, about perseverance, about patience, about truth… all from my little girls.  There’s no doubt in my mind, being a father is the best thing in the world.

Thank you, to my wife, Catherine.  Without you, I wouldn’t be the man I am today and I wouldn’t have the incredible children that I have.  I love you.  You are my bestfriend and my inspiration.

Thank you, to my children…

Lily Bear – You are so sweet and loving.  You are a wonderful ‘oldest’ sister.  You brighten everyday for me.

Emmie Bear – You are so full of joy and your smiles warm my heart.  You make me laugh and are so excited about Baby, which encourages me too!

Baby DiNuzzo – You are so loved, and we’ve never even met you.  You make Father’s Day special in your own unique way.

Love, Daddy Bear

*** Best part of Father’s Day 2010… time with my family on a beautiful Colorado day, and my children behaved in Mass!

Four Days For Fathers – Day 2

Ok… considering that (because you read last post – hint hint, wink wink) we’re now working on the relationship aspect of Father’s Day with our dads, here are some gift ideas that may be a little “out of the box”.  Not everyone is going to like all of these, so just try something if it catches your eye.  These gifts might help with building the relationship…

1. Do something with your father that he enjoys.  (This does not include watching television.)  Quality time.
2. Get two copies of a book on a topic that will interest your dad.  Read it and discuss it with him.
3. Share your favorite memories with your dad by writing them down in a journal/book and then give him the journal.
4. [If you have the means...] take your dad on a surprise vacation.  Maybe to the country where his family is from? Or a place he’s always wanted to visit?

Whatever you decide to do for your dad on Father’s Day, make it more than just about the gift.  Make it about him, about your relationship with him and about the important things in life.  I realize that some of you are estranged with your dad.  If that’s the case, I recommend taking the high road (when appropriate) and rectify.  Apologize for what you have done to make the situation bad and then accept any apology that may be given.  I also realize that when parents and their children become estranged, the situations are always complex and may take more than a simple apology.  The common link that all of the situations that have been rectified have in common… they all, at the very least, started somewhere.

TrueMan up!

RMCMC 2010 – One Day Away

The 2010 Rocky Mountain Catholic Men’s Conference is only one day away.  Saturday, March 20, 2010 proves to be an epic event and I encourage any local (Colorado) men to make it a priority.  There are plenty of seats available and you can pay at the door.  The event takes place at the Pikes Peak Center in downtown Colorado Springs… merely an hour’s drive from Denver from the north or Pueblo from the south.  Here’s why an event like this is important.

1. As men, we thrive off brotherhood.  Brotherhood may be considered, simply, when men spend time together, preferably doing manly things.  Imagine what boys growing up together do – then make it relevant to adulthood and things that actually matter… that’s what this conference (and hopefully all men’s conferences around the country) are about.  Together, as men of faith, we encourage one another to grow in holiness, Sacramental behavior, daily prayer, and hopefully, to be better men.
2. Men need encouragement.  Think of this like an over-sized team huddle, when your team is in a vital spot and really needs to score a touchdown, or that gigantic defensive stop to win the game.  The quarterback or defensive leader should be trying to pump his team up so they pull off the incredible play.  The encouragement from the speakers, vendors, priests and bishops and the other men in attendance can be just the thing that most of us need to get our act together and win in the game of life.
3. Men need to continue to grow in holiness.  No matter where a man is in his faith journey, he can be a better man.  Events like a men’s conference show us the path to holiness, especially if we’re open to what the Holy Spirit is doing in our lives.

I encourage all of us to think about at least one man that we know that needs an invitation to something like this, and then make the invitation.  If you’re a man who’s attending a men’s conference, just extend the invitation.  If you’re a woman who knows of a man who needs to attend an event like this, it would be best to have another man extend the invitation at your request.  An invitation isn’t pressure to go, it’s a simple way of showing encouragement and extending a friendly hand.  Don’t be weak in your invitation and don’t be a power-monger either.  Be genuine and see what happens… it can’t hurt to ask.  Maybe you don’t live in Colorado and can’t get to the Rocky Mountain Catholic Men’s Conference, that’s okay.  There’s an event like this somewhere near you, and if there isn’t, I want to know!  (I’ll work to get something there!)  A men’s conference may be the thing that encourages a man to change his life for Christ.

To see more info, click HERE to go to the conference website.

Man up!

Happy Father's Day

Happy Father’s Day to all the fathers out there!  I hope that you took the opportunity to be with your children, and children, I hope you took some time to be with your Dad today.  May God bless all fathers and encourage them to be a great dad today.  Let us pray for all the father-child relationships out there that are in turmoil, struggling or estranged.  Let us pray for children who have lost their father.  Let us pray for the males who haven’t taken responsibility for their children.  Let us pray in thanksgiving for all the great dads of the world.  Let us pray that everyone would learn to see God the Father as a loving Daddy.

The image (left) depicts St Joseph; he is our best saintly guide to what True Fatherhood and TrueManhood is all about.  After all, the child Jesus learned everything he knew from his earthly father.  Joseph was incredibly virtuous, especially possessing the virtues of faith and love.  In this picture, we can see the tender and loving touch that he has for his child.  He is carrying lilies in this case, instead of his normal carpenter’s (worker’s) tools.  He carries lilies to signify his purity; we refer to St Joseph as “The Most Chaste Spouse” of the Blessed Virgin Mary.  Take some time to learn more about St Joseph so that you can learn more about what manliness is all about.

I’ve had an absolutely great day (weekend, actually!).  On Saturday, we went to Mass, my wife cooked my favorite Italian food, gave me some gifts (Steelers’ tickets!!!) and planned a bike trip to one of our favorite parks in the city.  Today was absolutely beautiful with warm sunny blue skies.  Everyone should be as lucky as me.

 

 

Here’s a little cartoon I found.  I hope your dad is like this kid’s dad and I hope your kids see their dad like this kid sees his dad.

Man up!

"Take Time to Be a Dad Today"

Today, I was running at the gym and saw a commercial on ESPN for the National Fatherhood Initiative.  I was really impressed, especially to see it on ESPN – a channel dedicated to sports and encouraging men to sit and watch them every hour of the day (boooo).  I came home and searched for it, finding the website and some commercial clips.  Check out the main National Fatherhood Initiative site.  To see the commercials, click Public Service Announcements.  (Note: they’ve gotta be great, considering that the voice overs are from Darth Vadar’s voice – James Earl Jones and from Magnum P.I. – Tom Selleck.)  They’ve got a great slogan: “Take Time to Be a Dad Today”.  Sometimes, that’s all it takes – time.

Here are two of them:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t5bcsR74oUI]

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MpFPI2gATnw]

Man up!

A Month for Fathers

June  is here.  Father’s Day is coming up and I want to take this month to write frequently about fathers, about what a father should be and other topics that pertain to fatherhood.  Today’s topic will cover a sensitive issue of abortion.  Recently, we received the regular newsletter from our local Citizen’s For Life group.  Inside contained some startling information about a father’s role in the abortion process.  Here’s what it says:

FATHERS PLAY KEY ROLE IN ABORTION  – from LifeLine, June 2009

A study published in the International ’Journal of Mental Health & Addiction’ has found that the relationship between women and their partners and the level of support provided by the fathers are important factors in whether or not the woman aborts their baby.

The study sample was drawn from hospitals in 16 cities around the country, which had high numbers of births to unmarried women.

The final sample was of families already having one child.  The study looked at the reasons women chose childbirth or abortion for their subsequent pregnancy, and examined the decision-making process in the context of her relationship with the father of the child.

No other research on abortion decision-making has taken the family context into account.

This is an especially important issue for our future consideration, since so many abortions are currently performed on women with other living children, implying the presence of the father of the children.

The results of the study indicated that the most important factors in determing the women’s choice to abort a second pregnancy were those associated with the father’s inability – or unwillingness - to provide assistance in rearing the first child.

It found that mothers who were married to the father were significantly more likely to deliver the baby.

The prevailing opinion that women abort because of poverty and financial considerations ran counter in this study.  Mothers, instead, based their decision on whether they would be supported in their role as a mother by a father.

Study results support the idea that it requires both a committed mother and father to assure the choice to deliver and care for a child.

[Excerpts from: LifeNews.com 1-16-09, Author Dr Wanda Franz]