Men’s Formation Groups

Tuesdays with Daddy – Father’s Edition

To all the men who are fathers… today’s “Tuesdays with Daddy” is for you.  Unfortunately, my opportunity to be home with my girls on Tuesdays will be coming to an end in about a month.  I thought it would be a good idea to put forth a challenge to all the dads out there, to keep you thinking, to keep you purposeful in your parenting.  Read over these questions and be honest with yourself about the answers.  If something’s not up to par, make a change today.  I believe that we are all on a journey towards being the best father that we can be.  The journey requires us to always be moving forward, always toward being better.

• Do you tell your children, not just everyday, but every chance you have, that you love them?
• Do your actions match up with your words?
• Do you love your wife?
• Does your love (action!) match up with your “I love yous”?
• Do your children see you loving your wife?
• Do your children have a healthy and realistic understanding of love, or is it what they see on television, in movies and online?
• Do you prioritize your life well?  Or do you give one (or more) part more attention and neglect the other things you ought to be doing?
• Are you addicted to anything?  Porn?  Alcohol?  ESPN?  Work? etc.
• Are you working to overcome your addiction?  (Ask me if you need resources… Dave@TrueManhood.com)
• Do you strive to grow in virtue?
• Are you faithful to a daily prayer life?  To a Sacramental life?
• Do your children know that you pray?
• Do you pray with your children everyday?
• Are you actively involved in the spiritual formation of your children daily?
• Do you pass on responsibilities and place them on your wife and/or childcare provider?
• Do you rejoice in your children?
• What else do you need to work on?

Man up!

“Our lives change when our habits change.”  - Matthew Kelly

A Father’s Prayer

A Father’s Prayer by Douglas MacArthur

In early 1942, when heading out-numbered United States forces in the Philippines, the late General Douglas MacArthur prayed this prayer many times at morning devotions, according to Major General Courtney Whitney, his long-time military aide. This prayer for his son, Arthur, is a spiritual legacy any son would cherish.

“Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak, and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid; one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat, and humble and gentle in victory.

Build me a son whose wishes will not take the place of deeds; a son who will know Thee-and that to know himself is the foundation stone of knowledge.

Lead him, I pray, not in the path of ease and comfort, but under the stress and spur of difficulties and challenge. Here let him learn to stand up in the storm; here let him learn compassion for those who fail.

Build me a son whose heart will be clear, whose goal will be high; a son who will master himself before he seeks to master other men; one who will reach into the future, yet never forget the past.

And after all these things are his, add, I pray, enough of a sense of humor, so that he may always be serious, yet never take himself too seriously. Give him humility, so that he may always remember the simplicity of true greatness, the open mind of true wisdom, and the meekness of true strength.

Then, I, his father, will dare to whisper, “I have not lived in vain.”

Man up!

What is a Woman’s Role in Helping to Create a Culture of TrueManhood?

— GUEST POST from CATHERINE DiNUZZO, MA LPC (Wife of Dave DiNuzzo) —

When Dave asked me to write a guest post on his site, I was very excited because I believe that to truly change the current situation of manliness in society and to be able to change it to a (virtuous) culture of TrueManhood, men are only a portion of the solution. Another important part in this change are women!

When I first met Dave he was not the man that he is today. Now, I am not going to say that it was because of me alone that he has decided to “change his ways”, but I will say that it was a series of challenges that I posed to him, that began his transformation into the man he is today.

Dave has always been a man who was not afraid to fight for justice and for what he believes in.  However, when I met him, he was focused on doing it “Dave’s way”. I remember one time when we were dating when we got into a fight about something trivial, and he told me, “there’s Dave’s way and the wrong way”.   This was the way he dealt with stuff – his way… and passionately!  Now, what I have always loved about Dave is his passion and self-confidence, but this was an example of a time in his life when he was less-than-virtuous. What I feel Dave was lacking in his life when I first met him was – what I feel most men are missing – a woman to challenge and expect virtuous behavior. Looking back on it now, I don’t think Dave ever knew what to strive for because the women in his life never challenged him to obtain TrueManhood.

The question I pose is “how are we to expect men to behave a certain way, if we (women in general) lower our standards and accept mediocrity?”  We simply cannot.

My goal as a guest blogger for Truemanhood.com is to help give women the tools to believe in their own value enough to expect the best out of the men in their lives.  I agree whole-heartily with Dave, that if we are going to change the world, we must create a world of truly virtuous men; aka: TrueMen!  Also, if we are expecting men to make this change then is it going to take the women of the world to step up and embody their roll in the change.

I hope you continue to check the site as I will be posting regularly.  Please pass this along to your female friends… this is a journey that is meant for all of us.

Woman up!

~Catherine

Men’s Formation Groups

Interested in joining a men’s formation group?  Sometimes they are referred to as a “small group”.  (If you are interested, I can connect you with a group in your area or teach you how to start one on your own.)

The King’s Men currently have over 20 active men’s groups that meet weekly with more on the way.  Any man is welcome to join, at anytime.  The format of the meetings follows the dynamic and highly effective, not to mention time-tested and proven, model created by The King’s Men.  No matter what stage of life a man is in, no matter his education or experience, no matter his marital status or career, a formation group is good for every man.  A small formation group is intended to be multifaceted; men may experience some or all of the following from being in a small group: friendship, accountability, challenge, spiritual fortitude, fraternity, strength, encouragement, purpose, virtue!

The meetings typically go something like this:

• Group prayer – the Rosary is suggested. 15-20 minutes.
• Discussion based on a masculine resource.  30-45 minutes.  (Masculine resources might be “Boys to Men: The Transforming Power of Virtue”, “Be a Man!”, an encyclical/papal letter, “Signposts” or something similar.  Each group’s core team leadership has the autonomy to decide on the resource that is right for their group.)  The discussion time is facilitated by a leader and kept on-time by the time keeper.  The discussion is not a “teaching moment”, but a formation moment where each man has time to share if he so desires.  Great trust and bonding, as well as Scriptural “sharpening” (Prov. 27:17) takes place during this portion of the meeting.
• The 4-Cs.  Commit, Confess, Challenge, Confirm.  This is the accountability portion of the meeting and what really sets The King’s Men apart from the typical men’s group.  Each week, each man makes a commitment to something he is going to do over the next week.  The commitment should help him to grow in holiness and virtue.  It should be attainable, tangible and should be realistic.  The next week, he comes back and “confesses” how he did with his commitment.  This process continues each week.  If a man needs to be challenged, another man may do so.  If a man deserves to be confirmed, another man may do so. Approx. 30 minutes.
• Closing prayer, including each man’s intentions and the general intentions of The King’s Men. 5 minutes.
• Total meeting should be 2 hrs or less.

Groups should be kept to no more than 10-12 men.  Once a group grows too large, it should be split into two separate groups.  This is done so that each man has the ability to share, seek guidance, be formed and grow personally.  If a group is too large, it stifles men’s ability to grow.  Some groups choose to remain a large group for prayer, reading and discussion and then choose to split up for The 4 C’s, which is a viable option.

For more information on TKM Formation & Accountability groups, contact me at Dave@TheKingsMen.org or check out the list of active groups by clicking HERE.

The Past is the Past, Live for Today

There’s a young couple that I know that inspired this post.  They know who they are.  The idea came up the other day when speaking to them, that although her past was rocky and riddled with struggle, pain and sin, that he is strong enough, as a man, to move beyond what happened in her past.  He is being a TrueMan.  She is striving for holiness and he sees that.  He encourages her, builds her up, helps her to know that she is great and a wonderful daughter of God the Father.  He is encouraged and challenged by her lifestyle, and that makes him better.  He realizes that her mistakes of the past are overcome by Christ’s sacrifice.  Although the emotional baggage can be difficult to work through, he knows it is well worth the fight.  His response could be much different.

Instead of being so loving, understanding and positive, he could choose to react harshly.  He could choose to end the relationship.  He could choose to be mean, hurtful and condescending.  If this was the method he took, he would be forgetting his own brokenness.  He would be forgetting the fact that he, as well as she and everyone else, needs the power of Confession and forgiveness from Christ.

I challenge all of my readers to take some time to think about your perspective of today.  Is today’s behavior based on mistakes from the past?  Are you unable to move forward because of pain from past choices?  Do you try to live today in order to right the wrongs from the past?  Is the past guiding your today too strongly?

Do you forget about today because of the promise of tomorrow?  Do you have an unhealthy assurance that you’ll be alive tomorrow?  Do your daily actions, choices, words and thoughts warrant Heaven as a reward of a good and faithful servant?  These questions, and so many more, are important.  Our attitude is a vital part to our lifestyle.

If we see the past as “fixable”, or today as a waste, or tomorrow as the only thing to live for, then we are missing the boat.  We’re called to holiness in every moment of today.  This moment may be our last, so we must live it to the full.  The past is the past, live for today.

Man up!

Good Friends Bring Joy to Our Lives

Good friends bring joy to our lives.  Good friends build us up.  Good friends challenge us and hold us to a higher standard.

Are you a good friend?  Are you a living joy?  Are you building up those around you?  Are you holding those around you to a higher standard?  If you aren’t, check yourself, make a change and start to.  If you are, you are greatly affecting change in this world.  Living this type of life is not only a great benefit to others, but it affects us in a positive way too.

For the men… being a good friend means that you are living a life that challenges, encourages and leads your male friends to something more than drunken women-chasing.  It means real, tangible efforts to build each other up.  One of my favorite passages of Sacred Scripture is from The Book of Proverbs.  It’s short and sweet, to the point, no frills.  ”As iron sharpens iron, so man sharpens his fellow man.”  (Proverbs 27:17).  Iron is a very tough metal and the only way to sharpen an iron sword is to use another piece of iron.  Once this piece of iron is sharp, it can be used for it’s purpose – fighting in battle.  In order for a man to be a sharp man (ready for battle and ready to be used for the purpose in which he was created) he must have been formed by other men.

It is imperative for men to have good man friends.  More on this next time.

Man up!