Keep Your Cool, Dad
I recently witnessed a less-than-ideal situation between a father and his children, and thought I’d relay the story here so that everyone could think about it. They were doing some yardwork. His kids were helping with the mowing and edging. At one point, the father became irrate because the equipment stopped working. He began to scream at the both of them, as if it was their fault that the machine failed. A few explitives flew, a few derogatory and demeaning things were said, and I’m sure, some confidence (in the kids) was shot.
OK, so why do I bring this story up? Lots of reasons! First of all… anytime I hear yelling and cursing near me, I begin to investigate. Secondly, anytime I know that a child is being yelled at, I turn my attention to the situation. The lie to “keep your nose out of other people’s business” isn’t something I subscribe to, and neither should you. The care of women, children, and other men is always a TrueMan’s business. Passivity must not be tolerated. Also, I want to work to highlight not only bad behavior in men, but more importantly, the ways in which the rest of us can learn from the mistakes and shortcomings of other men around us. Let’s not make the same mistakes as others. It’s about a dad who’s unable to control his temper and who is misguided in how he deals with stress.
I was keeping an eye on the situation in the event that it got out of hand and needed my intervention. It never came to that, thankfully. Whether the dad made the switch on his own, or if he saw me and changed his tune because he knew I was nearby, or whether it was something else entirely, I was just glad to see that it stopped. To my knowledge, he never hit or struck his kids – I most certainly would have stepped in.
Let’s consider how a TrueMan handles this situation as a father. If you’re going to have your children helping you, with whatever you’re doing, make it about teaching them and forming them to perform their chores/work properly. If they happen to break something while learning, realize that stuff breaks and – if you’ve done it correctly – they’ll have truly learned something! Isn’t that the point?! Explanations of how things work, processes to follow, safety standards… all good things. Yelling at them and demeaning them is the wrong approach. Teaching, forming, encouraging… those are the attributes of a man who can be proud of his parenting.
A TrueMan keeps his cool, in every situation. This requires so many virtues, they are too numerous to mention here. Namely, the virtues of temperance, prudence, and fortitude come to mind. If you aren’t familiar with these words, or want more information on virtue, please check out our “TrueManhood’s Quick Guide to Virtue” under the Resources tab. Dads, your kids want to be with you. They want your time, your attention, your affection, your love. They want you. They want to be wanted by you. Give them that. Give them you!
On a personal note, I work to constantly be aware of my yelling and overall tone when dealing with my kiddos. I’ve come a long way and still can be better. I don’t always do the right thing, and I don’t always make the right choices, but my head is screwed on straight and I work to be cognizant of how what I say affects my kids. And not just what I say, but how I say it. When we say and do things to our children, it definintely affects them and stays with them. It changes them. Work to be aware of your words and actions, because your kids are watching and learning; they’ll become who you teach them to become.
TrueMan up!
