Porn – Out of Sight, Out of Mind?

September 7, 2015 by  
Filed under Blog, Fatherhood, Parenting, pornography

I’m now a couple of weeks into my new career as a teacher.  I’m really enjoying it, and the kids are amazing.  We have great conversations about the faith, and I really believe that I’m reaching them.  As I consider each of my classes and each of my students, I haven’t yet breached the subject of pornography.  I’m working now to form bonds of trust and mutual respect, and want to work towards gaining moral authority with my students.  We’ll get there, and I don’t think it will take long.

TOB for TeensIn one class specifically, but in all seven of my classes generally, I’ll be diving into the topic of The Theology of the Body, and when we dive into that topic, we must (absolutely MUST) discuss the topic of pornography.  So I’ve been thinking about how I’m going to breach the subject, and how I’m going to deal with the responses.  I’ve presented to middle and high school kids plenty of times on the topic, but never in the classroom setting… always in retreat and/or talk situations.  This is going to be much different.

Telescope

This got me thinking… if parents don’t fail with pornography use themselves, and also don’t know whether or not their children do, does the topic ever cross their mind?  Is pornography an “out of sight, out of mind” problem?  I know it crosses mine because I’m aware of the realities in my own life (past use), as well as the realities of the industry and the prevalence.  Here are some distinct groups when it comes to porn awareness.

  1. Users: obviously, they’re highly aware of porn and are abusing it frequently.  It’s on their mind, if not constantly, very regularly.
  2. Those fighting: highly aware and trying to create awareness in others.
  3. Those in recovery: depending on the length of recovery, it may not be a frequent awareness, but they’re aware.
  4. Those oblivious: have no knowledge of the topic, aren’t aware at all.
  5. Those in denial: refusal to believe that porn is actually a problem.

What group do you fall in?  Are you a man using porn?  Does it rule your life?  What are you doing about it if this is you?  Or, are you in recovery?  Perhaps you’re oblivious and don’t know much about porn.  (You’ve come to a good site to learn more about the truths of pornography!  Just do a search in the white box.)  Are you a parent who is in denial of how bad pornography is and how likely your child is using it?  Wherever you might be, please continue to educate yourself on the matter and realize that, even if porn is “out of sight”, it can’t be “out of mind.”

prayer-bound-rope-grayscale-creationswap

I hope to be creating some good new resources for parents on the topic of fighting pornography, and I want to get them out to you very soon.  In the meantime, please look through my site for help.  Email info@truemanhood.com for specific questions.

TrueMan up!

Expounding on “Ditch”

August 29, 2015 by  
Filed under Blog, cultural manliness, manliness, pornography, Sports, Virtue

After I reposted my article, “Ditch the Fantasy“, I received a number of comments and critiques about the article.  The same happened last year when I originally posted it.  I’m thankful to receive the comments and critiques, and that’s part of my intent when I write something… especially things that might grab someone and challenge them… to get people talking about things.  To those who disagree, I ask that you forgive the tone of my article, should it have been hurtful or made you feel like I was condemning you, calling you a sinner, or shattering your confidence.  If it was taken in an uncharitable manner, then I sincerely apologize.  I certainly don’t want to tear anyone down, but rather, my goal is to build men up.  If I have torn you down in any way, please accept my apology.  It’s also not my intent to point fingers at other’s sin, as if I’m not a sinner myself; I most certainly sin, and take ownership of my sin. Mea culpa.

I was wrong

 The critiques came mostly in the form of people feeling attacked for their like of, or involvement in, fantasy football.  Although I remain firm in my position on Fantasy, I wanted to take the opportunity to explain it deeper.

What’s taking place in a Fantasy Football League?  In my previous article, I said that I wouldn’t give an explanation of Fantasy, but I broke my rule and am explaining it here in quick terms.  Players organize themselves in a computerized league, draft specialty players (QBs, RBs, WRs, TEs, Special Teams players, etc.), and team defenses, and then as the real NFL season progresses, the players make mock lineup changes and substitutions with the hope of scoring the most points/yards/wins (based off of the actual performances of NFL players) so that their fantasy team beats the other fantasy teams in the computerized league.  To make changes/substitutions, a fantasy player may spend little, some, or many hours researching teams, watching film, checking standings, reviewing the injured reserve lists, listening to and/or watching television and internet shows related to fantasy, rating matchups, and so forth, so as to have the best possible lineup for the upcoming week.  Teams within the league play against another team each week, and the winners racks up points. The standings change each week in the overall ranking within the league.  Depending on the initiative of the players, there may be no, some, or lots of human interaction (in my experience, often in the form of smacktalk) between the actual players.  Some of the leagues are free to join, some cost money.  Some have prizes or purses for the winners, some do not.

fantasy-football

Fantasy Football as fantasy.  I received the following quote: “The word fantasy is present, but there isn’t a whole lot of day dreaming or fantasizing involved.”  If you’ll recall in my original post, I mentioned the dictionary definition of fantasy “imagination – to the point of being improbable or impossible.”  Okay, big deal.  Or is it?  The reason I believe that Fantasy Football is absolutely a Fantasy is because it’s made up.  The teams are made up, the leagues are made up, etc.  Along these lines, I linked the playing of fantasy to pornography, and that also got a rise out of some readers.  Notice that I mentioned that “fantasies lend themselves toward sinfulness – idle behavior, sloth, selfishness, and deeper fantasy.”  They “lend” themselves toward sinfulness.  No, I’m not necessarily saying that Fantasy Football will send you to hell, but I believe that addictive behavior can spread very quickly from activities like this, especially when technology is involved, and that is at the very least something we should be aware of.  (Personally, I lived this not only through my pornography addiction but also through my use of television, movies, and video games.)  This opinion of mine is linked to studies and scientific data that show that the brain is negatively affected by stimuli coming through technology.  We condition our brain to react a certain way based on the content we consume and the brain chemicals that create dependency. For this reason, I am also opposed to video games, especially in adolescent boys.

family-playing-monopoly-vintage

Linking Fantasy to board games.  One major critique is to pull board games into the mix, and argue that fantasy football is no different than playing a board game.  To this point, I disagree.  Board games require human interaction at every turn.  Even the body placement of the players during most board games has the players facing each other around a table.  This body placement promotes conversation, human interaction, and non-verbals and, in my opinion, is much more human than someone merely sitting in front of a computer screen, tablet, or smartphone.  In board games, the opportunity to be compassionate, caring, and/or relate with other players is prevalent.  Not so in fantasy.  I’d say that board games are absolutely a bonding opportunity, and can be a good use of time.  Go for it!

The “All Things Good in Moderation” lie.  Please don’t buy into the lie that “all things are good in moderation.”  This is not the Catholic position!  The Catholic position would never say that drugs in moderation, or unfaithful, extra-marital sex in moderation, or lying in moderation are good things.  Obviously not.  What the Church would say is that we (humanity) should live the virtue of TEMPERANCE in all things.  Temperance “moderates our attraction to pleasures… the temperate person directs the sensitive appetites towards what is good.”  (Catechism of the Catholic Church, 1809.)  The Church would also instruct us and compel us to utilize the virtues of WISDOM, PRUDENCE, and others, in terms of what we do and how we spend our time.  I think this is reasonable to bring into this discussion of manliness and how it relates to activities such as Fantasy.

I suppose it also benefits the conversation to ask the question “Is Fantasy Football cultural manliness?”  Is Fantasy telling men that the more power, money, sex, and stuff they consume the more manly they are?  Not necessarily in every case, but I am personally aware of many cases that fit this definition.

Ultimately, we shouldn’t be shooting for something that’s “just okay” or “not as bad as”… we should be shooting for the greatest good.  Our actions as males, whatever they are, are either virtuous or vicious.  They are either working to be like Christ, or they aren’t.  That’s for you to think about and decide.

You may not agree with me.  That’s your prerogative.  I would leave those who disagree with this thought and challenge.  Is it possible that you are abdigating your responsibilities during the time you are playing Fantasy?  (The same could be asked about a lot of activities, most certainly.)  Are you missing out on “greater goods?”  Is Fantasy Football helping you reach your goals in life?  Is it helping you to grow in holiness?

TrueMan up!

REPOST – Ditch the Fantasy

August 24, 2015 by  
Filed under Blog, cultural manliness, Faith, manliness, pornography, Sports

I received yet another invitation to play Fantasy Football this year.  That makes, well, several invitations.  Because it was such a big article for me last year, and because I think it needs addressed again, I’m reposting my article “Ditch the Fantasy.”

Brothers, can I be honest with you?  Really?  I mean, can I really lay something out on the table and call you to task?  Bros… it’s time to ditch the fantasy football leagues.  Playing football… awesome.  (Especially local pick-up games at the park.  I played ball as a kid up into college.  It taught me teamwork, hard work, discipline, tenacity, perseverance, and so many other great characteristics.  It even – significantly – helped me pay for undergrad!)  Watching football… fine.  (I thoroughly enjoy it myself.  It’s always been something we do in my family… gathering us together like nothing else can.  Literally like nothing. else. can.  Eating, talking, enjoying one another.  It’s awesome.)  Fantasy football… nah.football

I’ve been getting jazzed for this season of late and excited about the Steelers’ run for their 7th championship (stop – don’t send hate mail!)  In watching some stuff about the NFL and listening to some sports talk radio on my long commutes, and following a few threads here and there, I keep getting bombarded with the fantasy talk.  I even went to a game recently (pre-season Vikings vs. Chiefs at Arrowhead – thanks Jeff!) and heard it there.  Over the loud speaker, on the jumbotron, on posters.  It boggles my mind that grown men get so into this garbage.  Don’t you have better things to spend your time on?  Can’t you find something productive to do?  Sure, a lot of us spend time poorly on occasion.  Sometimes it’s leisure, recreation, relaxation, etc.  Sometimes, it’s just blatant idiocy.  I have to be frank about this, even the name evokes the shear viciousness that is fantasy football.

For those who don’t know what fantasy football is, there are countless places to learn about it, but you won’t find that on TrueManhood.com.  Sorry.

fantasy-football-idiotsIf you find yourself ready to attempt to justify fantasy to me, stop yourself, think through it, and ponder this: it is a fantasy.   Fake. Fantasies lend themselves to sinfulness – idle behavior, sloth, selfishness, and deeper fantasy.  We need to live in reality, not in fantasy.  If you look up the definition of fantasy online, it will tell you that it’s “imagination – to the point of being improbable or impossible.”  This is what you spend countless hours on each week?  This is what gets you hot and bothered?  Don’t tell me that you might win a $1,000 if you win your league.  Don’t tell me about bragging rights over your brothers, co-workers, or poker buddies.  Require more out of your life than fantasy.  Our wives and children deserve more than fantasy.  Our world deserves much more than fantasy.

Why do I care?  ‘If I don’t like it, I don’t have to do it.’  Right?  How many of you are thinking that right now?  Guess why I care… because men have too many responsibilities that are going undone because we waste our lives on crap like fantasy football.  To me, this isn’t much different than porn.  Porn is a fantasy land.  Unreality that leads to viciousness.  If you don’t think it effects you and me, you’re wrong.  When men don’t live lives of virtue, they’re living lives of viciousness.  There’s no two-ways about it.  We have tons of males running around like boys, playing games all day long, wasting away the good opportunities to be something, and to do something.  Get it together, bros!

So, what are you going to do instead of fantasy football this year?  I’d suggest anything along the lines of… anything but fantasy.

TrueMan up!

What My 6 Year Old Asked Siri to Show Her

August 9, 2015 by  
Filed under Blog, Fatherhood, For Women, Parenting, pornography, Virtue

I’m a huge proponent of “leading with your weakness”.  By showing those who follow you that you aren’t perfect, that you make mistakes, and that you have weaknesses, it makes you real.  It also shows people that we aren’t the sum of our failures.  So, as embarrasing as this story is, I’m going to share it because I think it will help people and may also encourage them to take the steps necessary within their own situation to prevent problems like this from occurring.

neighborhood

Recently, my sister-in-law and her kids moved in a few houses down.  It’s awesome having them nearby, and my kids really enjoy their cousins.  Since it’s the summertime, they’ve been playing non-stop… riding bikes, going to the swimming pool, playing at the playground, and having a grand ‘ol time.  However, with having cousins around, and additional adult supervision, our parenting has gotten a bit “loose”, we’ll say.  Boundaries have expanded, and permission an after-thought.  We have varying ages between the two families, so rules are different, especially in terms of the use of electronic devices, and access to the internet.  I knew this, and had a conversation with my two oldest children (still quite young) about not being on any devices (smartphones, iPods, tablets, laptops, etc.), even if their cousins were.  They obliged, knowing that we allow them some time on their Amazon Kindle Fire for Kids (with GREAT parental controls) a few times per week, and we went on our way.  But a few days later…

My wife got a call from her sister saying something to the effect of “the girls are busted.”  Apparently, she had walked past my niece’s bedroom and overheard my 6 year old daughter ask Siri “show me butt-naked people”.  What?!?!  She immediately went in and confescated the device and sent my daughter home to us.  (Thankfully, my sister-in-law has Covenant Eyes on all of the devices in her home, so even if she wouldn’t have heard this verbal request, she would have received the emailed report for this inappropriate search and the links to everything that was viewed.  Thank goodness she heard it immediately, and for the filter that blocked the search results!)

SiriMy daughter walked in and we could tell by her behavior that she knew she was in hot water.  I began to ask her what happened, and she started to breathe hard, fabricate a story, and struggle to really get any words out.  My wife and I had details from her sister, so we would know if she was lying or telling the truth.  I didn’t want to pressure her, so we had her go into her room, telling her that we’d call her out in a short while.  My wife and I had a powwow to figure out how we were going to respond.  Here’s what we decided to do:

  1. Ask our daughter to tell us the whole truth.  We wanted to know what happened at Auntie’s house in her cousin’s room.
  2. If she told the truth, she would still receive a punishment (for disobeying the original rule of “no devices”), but we would praise her for telling the truth and move on to discuss what she saw/did.  If she told a lie and fabricated a story, the consequences of her actions would be much more severe.
  3. Make it clear to her that we love her.
  4. Explain the concept of pornography with the help of a great resource called “Good Pictures, Bad Pictures.”  (We read and discussed chapter 1.)
  5. Teach her that the human body is a good thing, and that God made it beautiful.  In addition, there are private parts and they are private for a reason.  (FYI – private parts are those areas that we cover with swimming suits.)
  6. Teach her that being curious, about a lot of things, is okay and normal, but that she needs to talk to Daddy and Mommy, not ask Siri!
  7. Set the punishment for disobeying the original rule.  (She lost her prized stuffed animals – a devastating loss for her.)
  8. Tighten the rules, house-wide.
  9. Explain our rules to the aunt/cousins so that the temptation to have our children break the rules would be lessened.  (2 rules to remember: 1. our property and 2. no devices.  They’re all still very little, so we want to keep rules easily understood and achievable.)
  10. Hug our daughter and tell her that we love her.


good-pictures-bad-cover
We also followed up on this topic and discussion additional times over the weekend, and will take the conversation further from now on.

Some might be astonished that my young daughter was looking up porn on a wi-fi enabled device, but they shouldn’t be.  Kids have more access to porn and other terrible things than some people want to admit.  Their minds are curious and based on their exposure, whatever kind of media, influence, or consumption it might be, their knowledge of what to search or ask about varies.  I’m still not really sure what spurred on this particular “ask Siri” search, but my best guess is that it came from an interest in mermaids.

Here’s what I know:

  • I gave my daughter too much leeway and trusted her just a little too much.  She’s tempted just like any other kid (or human, in general.)
  • My daughter isn’t bad, evil, or sinful, but realistically curious and inquisitive.  This means that I need to pay much more attention to her than I was, and be sure to teach her in a pro-active way, not a retro-active way.
  • My wife and I teamed up well with our approach, were on the same page, were calm and clear, and followed-through like we needed to.
  • I’m really grateful for Covenant Eyes on our devices and for the functionality and ease-of-use.

If you’re a parent, you cannot disregard this topic.  None of us can.  Every child is susceptible to the dangers of the internet, and the easy access points that are made available to them.  Whether it be their own devices in your home, a friend’s device, or a school or library computer, the temptation to “ask Siri”, or “just Google it” is real.  Informing our children ahead of time, and continuing to have the conversation is an absolute must!  We should be arming them with the tools to be virtuous so that when they are faced with these choices, they choose what is right and good.  Watch for more coming on this topic, and please take advantage of the 60-day free trial that Covenant Eyes is offering through my affiliate, good through August 31.  Click HERE for the free trial.

TrueMan up!

60-Day Free Trial from Covenant Eyes

July 31, 2015 by  
Filed under Blog, Fatherhood, pornography, Virtue

I’m excited to announce a great offer from Covenant Eyes!  Through my affiliate, new users with be offered a 60-Day Free Trial.  This trial is only available from Aug 1-31, so be sure to act quickly.  Click HERE to get the offer.

free_trial-60

What is Covenant Eyes?  Internet accountability and filtering.  What, then, is internet accountability and filtering?  To explain, watch this video with Matt Fradd.

Why do I like and support Covenant Eyes and encourage every man, woman, and family to use it?  It’s simple; transparency in our actions, especially online, leads to better moral decisions and holds us accountable to what we’re searching, seeing, and consuming.  Covenant Eyes brings our accountability partner(s) into each click, search, and scroll.  For parents, it opens a gateway towards conversations with children, and sets up an automatic and recurring system to “check in” with their kids about internet use.  And, it keeps parents and spouses from guessing and hoping that their loved one’s internet use is on the up and up.  Covenant Eyes is easy to set up, and even easier to use because it operates in the background.

covenant-eyes-square

I will be putting out more resources, videos, and blogs in relation to internet safety.  Stay tuned!

TrueMan up!

Protecting Boys after High School

Graduation wideHigh school graduations are upon us, and many of those graduates will be moving on to bigger and better things.  When they’re gone, they’re still your child, and you still have some responsibility for their sanctification.  Although they’re of adult age, and many will be out of the house, your parental role doesn’t stop, it merely changes.  How then do you help your college-aged, young adult children?  Well, here are a few tips.

  1. Don’t Lie to Yourself: Realize that they’ve seen more, done more, and have been exposed to more than you’d probably like. If they’ve seen any mainstream media, heard any popular music, or hung out with any other children who have done so, they’ve seen it, done it, and/or have been exposed to it.  The “it” is the junk, filth, and garbage that’s out there in TV, movies, music, magazines, and all over the internet.
  2. Be Aware: Most institutions of higher education don’t filter, block, or have regulations against pornography and other filth on the internet. Some do, but those systems are rare.
  3. New Found Freedom and Rebellion: Being out of the house lends itself towards rebellious views and ideas of invincibility, especially on the college campus. These institutions are typically not calling the boys towards authentic masculinity, but rather, allows and encourages on-going childishness and “cultural manliness”.

It doesn’t matter what they go on to do, they’ll be exposed to more and more than ever before.  Even faithful, Catholic schools have problems with protecting their students, and your child isn’t the exception to the rule.  Okay, okay… downer Dave here… as usual, killing the excitement and joy surrounding graduation.  Harping on the bad news and leaving everyone scared to raise kids in America.  Sorry.  Well, not really.  Instead of only harping on the bad, I’ve got a great tool to aid you in your parenting.  It’s called Covenant Eyes, and I fully endorse their products.

TM Covenant Eyes AffiliateCovenant Eyes is a filtering and accountability software for PCs, Macs, smartphones, and tablets.  It works on a plethora of devices and they continually develop the software to keep up with the latest and greatest gadgets.  Covenant Eyes does a number of things, and while I can’t tell you all of them in this short post, here are three of the most practical things it does, especially for your boy (or girl) heading off to college.

  1. Peace of Mind: Covenant Eyes lends itself towards giving parents peace of mind that the content that their child (even their young adult child) is protected from content that is bad for them. The filtering helps to block explicit, pornographic, and malicious content from entering the device.
  2. A Talking Point: Covenant Eyes is a gateway to conversation between parents and children. It gives a parent the opportunity to discuss the content, not ignore it.  It gives the child the responsibility of having the device, with the accountability to back it up.
  3. Keepin’ It Real: Covenant Eyes keeps everything honest, open, and transparent. The truth is the truth, and if a site has been visited that shouldn’t have been, or an app has been utilized that shouldn’t have been, or questionable online behavior is happening, it puts it all out on the table.  When it’s out there, it can be dealt with.

And it’s not only good for older kids, it’s great for everyone in the house.  Dads – you need this software on your devices to keep you honest.  Moms can benefit from it too!  (Did you know that 1 out of 4 church-going women admit to being addicted to pornography?!)  And our pure, innocent littles… it’s the least we can do for them.  The least.

So how do you start using Covenant Eyes?  Click HERE to go to the Covenant Eyes site to sign up for your free one-month trial.  That’s right, it couldn’t be easier, just head on over and they’ll let you try it out for a month at no cost.  (The link takes you to my affiliate page automatically.)  Once you’ve signed up, you’ll download the program on your computer(s), laptop(s), and iOS/Android devices (get the app), set up the functionality you want to utilize (in the setting portion of the account), and immediately, the device is protected.  If you have ANY problems, or struggle with technology (like so many parents do), simply call their customer service line and they will walk you through everything.  It’s totally worth it, easy to do, and gives you that all-important peace of mind.  What’s stopping you?  Do it today!

Covenant Eyes has a monthly cost after the initial free month trial.  Considering all of the junk out there, I find the minimal costs to be well worth the souls of our children.  One monthly cost covers ALL of your family’s devices.  Hard to beat.  I’ve tried tons of different blocks, filters, and accountability, and by far, this is my favorite.

TrueMan up!

But How? Helping Men Overcome

February 23, 2015 by  
Filed under Blog, cultural manliness, manliness, pornography

One of the questions I’m asked most often is “If a man is addicted to porn, what can he do to overcome it?”  I’d like to tell you that there’s an “easy button” that a man can push and be done with it, but it’s definitely not that simple.  It’s such a frequent question because so many men are addicted and literally don’t know what to do.  Many will tell me that “I’ve tried everything but nothing worked.”  Some will say “I didn’t know what to do so I didn’t do anything.”  All of them know that they want out of the chains that bind them, and all of them know that something has to happen, but so few know what really works.

Click Here for the PDF

I have a “5 Step Plan” that could be a good starting point for you.  It’s worked for many men, I believe it can work for you as well.  There are some areas of the plan that are nuanced, the most important of those areas is accountability.  [I hope to create a video about accountability soon to help explain it further.]  There are plenty of other plans, programs, ideas, formats, resources, and approaches that you can find and try.  For men who are extremely troubled by their addiction and who need a full-on attack, some would suggest Sexaholics Anonymous groups, counseling, and/or reparative brain therapy.   You are obviously welcome to try them – do whatever you need to experience freedom.

Regardless of what method you choose, one thing is for sure… every man needs accountability.  The reason accountability is so important is because it forces us to be honest about our life, and forces us to take responsibility for our actions.  An accountability partner is someone very close to you, with whom you can be honest and forthright.  Failing to be 100% open and honest will result in failed accountability.  If you can’t be honest, don’t even start… you’re wasting everyone’s time.  Don’t get me wrong, I know that it’s extremely hard to be honest and that vulnerable.  It’s not a sign of weakness to be vulnerable, it’s a sign of wisdom.

A TrueMan - Vulnerable in Acctability

For some, knowing what other men have done, tried, and what has worked or not is a great benefit.  Other men will want to blaze their own trail.  Either way, a man needs to do something, anything.  Be sure, accountability is not something that is okay or acceptable in the cultural manliness lifestyle, so not many will understand and few will encourage it.  Don’t let them get in your way.Two Men

Following Step 3 of the 5 Step Plan, you’ll see that you need to “find a brother”, meet as frequently as you need, and be deliberate about your approach.  Watch for the video on accountability, along with a still-to-come TrueManhood guide to accountability.  Another frequent question or road block I hear is about finding this brother for accountability…. so few men actually have male friends, let alone a man they feel comfortable to invite into this sort of relationship.  For those who need it, I offer my services to work through the beginning stages of accountability and beyond.  Contact me for more information.  ContactUs@TrueManhood.com.

TrueMan up!

“Hunger” Testimony

Dave DiNuzzo Sr. at Encounter Young Adult Conf.In May 2014, I attended the inaugural Encounter  Young Adult Conference in St. Louis, Missouri as a vendor and sponsor, and was welcomed to give a brief testimony on the topic of “Hunger”, specifically related to my personal story, struggle, and addiction to pornography.  Hunger was one of the themes that day.  I finally got some editing done and uploaded it to YouTube.  It’s also on my YouTube Channel with other videos like it.

 

There are several themes within this short talk that are vitally important.  If you search through the years of archives, you can find many of them explained.  I realize that’s difficult, and lots to sift through, so hopefully some of the resources I’m working on creating and making available will help.  These important themes are: accountability, God’s forgiveness, having a plan of action, brotherhood, personal effort, virtue, and more.  If you have questions, or a specific scenario you need help with, don’t hesitate to contact us.  Email us at ContactUs@TrueManhood.com.

TrueMan up!

Out with the “Grey”, In with the “Old”

January 27, 2015 by  
Filed under Blog, cultural manliness, manliness, pornography, Virtue

Undoubtedly, you’ve heard of the self-proclaimed “worldwide phenomenon”, “Fifty Shades of Grey.”  Whether it is in reference to the book series, various off-shoot parodies, re-enactments, productions, products, and so on, or the upcoming film, you’ve heard it.  I wonder, though, how many people actually know what all the hype is about.  If you’re not really up on the details, the facts will likely shock you.

Truth

Fifty Shades is, in a brief description, rape porn and BDSM porn.  BDSM, for those who may not know, is an acronym for Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism.  This is also known by such names as slave porn, torture porn, domination porn, and so on.  [Any male believing that he is in control of reality, making a good decision, or ‘treating a woman right’ by these sorts of acts is greatly misled.]  Why then, is this series of books and now the upcoming movie (not to mention all of the “adult novelties” for sale based on the books) so popular, especially among women???  It boggles the mind, and clearly shows the broken nature of our world.  Folks are looking for authentic love, yet receiving a drastic counterfeit.

Does this definition sound like a free, total, faithful, fruitful gift of self to another, or something opposite?

Def of Sadism

I think it’s important to point out that “50” depicts violent porn as glamorous – a lie that most pornographers want the consumer to believe.  It’s ultimately the consumption of the lie of “Cultural Manliness” by women, believing that males like character Christian Grey are what they should be looking for in a man. I assure you, he is not.  “50” wants you to believe that what’s happening in the story (stalking, dominance, rape, and various other forms of dangerous and degrading sad0-masochistic sex) is normal, acceptable, and even beneficial to relationships.  How people believe these lies are beyond me, but obviously they do.

On February 14th, the Feast of St. Valentine, the movie form of “50” will be released in all markets.  I highly encourage all of my readers and supporters to 1. boycott the film and 2. have an open and concerned conversation with others in your life who may go to the film.  Support of this movie is in direct conflict with the Gospel Message.  Exploitation of individuals, especially women, and the degradation of human sexuality is absolutely sinful and should be avoided at all costs.  If you’re looking for an alternative, and want to support mainstream films that uphold human dignity and wholesome entertainment, please consider attending “Old Fashioned – the Movie” instead, also opening in theaters on February 14th.

Old Fashioned - The MovieI was recently invited to privately screen the film, and overall, I enjoyed it.  I made a date night out of the event with my wife, getting some of her favorite movie-foods, and creating a little “home theater” for us.  The film is a depiction of a man who, after turning away from a life of debauchery and exploitation, has chosen to have standards for himself and for any potential mate moving forward, for the goodness of his and her soul.  He is seen by other characters in the film as being “stuffy”, “prudish”, and, well… “old fashioned” (hence, the name of the film.)  I was impressed enough to encourage you to see it especially as an alternative against “50”.  Here’s the trailer:

Additionally, there is a responsibility here, for men to step to the plate and protect humanity.  Personally, should our local community-run theater choose to show this film, which I have already formally requested that they not do, I will likely be forced to take further action.  Let us pray that this does not happen.

Out with the Grey, In with the Old

For me and mine, we say “Out with the ‘Grey’, and In with the ‘Old’.”

TrueMan up!

If you or someone you know is struggling with an addiction to porn, download my “5 Step Guide to Overcoming an Addiction to Pornography & Masturbation” for free.

“I Know My Rights!”

January 19, 2015 by  
Filed under Blog, Faith, pornography, Virtue

first_amendmentIn my last post, I wrote about being on trial, as a defendant, for First Amendment issues.  A lawsuit was brought against me by the owner of a string of adult stores on claims that were beyond ridiculous.  These claims (surrounding peaceful assembly) all had to do with my rights granted me from the First Amendment of the Constitution of the United States of America.

On the morning of Monday, January 12, I appeared in Federal court with my co-defendants, expecting to select a jury and begin this epic trial between good and evil.  Instead, what happened was fairly lackluster.  The plaintiff counsel called a meeting with our defense counsel and told them, “We don’t have a case.”  Essentially, they caved.  It was over before it started.  All of us involved knew that they never had a case, we just wish it wouldn’t have burdened us for the past 3.5 years; costing us time, money, and being a royal pain in the rear.  But, in the end, a victory is a victory and we were happy to stand for the truth, for justice, and for goodness.

Empty Courtroom

The mostly-empty Federal courtroom. We ended up being with the judge for about 3 minutes total.

The First Amendment rights that you and I (hopefully) appreciate, were upheld.  The right to peacefully assemble, the right to free speech, and the right to freedom of religion.  Now, in this case, some people have brought up the question about the adult store’s “rights” to perform free commerce and their “rights” to free speech and free press in terms of pornography. Heck, it was even written in their language in the original lawsuit documents! Make it known… the business owner who sued me is engaged in illegal activity, and his business practices are NOT protected by the First Amendment.  What?!

You read that correctly… the activity taking place in that store (and MANY others like it all across the country) are engaged in illegal activity.  This business, in particular, is guilty of at least two counts: 1. The distribution of hardcore pornography.  (A felony in the United States of America.) and 2. The operation of pornography viewing booths.  With #1, I bet you didn’t know that the production and distribution of hardcore pornography was against the law!  Yep, it sure is.  (Here’s the proof.)  But why is there so much of it being produced and distributed?  BECAUSE THE LAW ISN’T BEING UPHELD!  And viewing booths lead to illegal and illicit behaviors and have been outlawed in many states, including the one I was sued in.  Without getting into specific details here, we have evidence to believe that there were not only drugs being sold and consumed within these booths, but also lewd and heinous (hetero and homo) sexual acts were taking place, including prostitution.  Isn’t it ironic that the criminal enterprise that brought suit against us was (is) involved in much more damaging and negative activity than they claimed we were!

Viewing Booths

So here’s how this thing ends:

The lawsuit was filed — we went round and round with the courts and their proceedings — we spent time and money — our lives were negatively affected for 3.5 years — and so on.  What now?  Do we step away from this fight because we were sued once?  No!  Whether it’s peaceful protest outside of a pornography shop, standing with love outside of an abortion mill, or writing blog posts that expose corrupt and illegal behavior, we mustn’t stop standing up for our rights.  Rights give us freedom FOR things, not freedom from things.  We have these rights so that we can be free for goodness and honesty, for clean communities, for wholesome businesses with wholesome practices, and free for giving and receiving love.  That’s what it’s all about.

TrueMan up!

PS: If you struggle from addiction with or a pension for pornography and you need help getting out, contact us today.  Email us at info@TrueManhood.com.

Next Page »