Great Resource For Women – “Yes, She’s More Beautiful Than You”

January 19, 2011 by  
Filed under Blog, Faith, For Women, manliness, pornography

ashley-weisI came across this great website by a lady named Ashley Weis.  See her site HERE.  Ashley writes strictly to women, to be a support and a source of inspiration to them.  Ashley’s story is a good one – the wife of a man with an addiction to pornography.  This topic is a topic that spurs a lot of questions.  Many women ask me about this topic – how can I help my _________? (fill in the blank).  Sometimes it’s “my husband”, “my boyfriend”, “my dad”, etc.  I know how to help the men, I don’t necessarily know how to help the women.  I was very relieved when I found out about Ashley’s resources.

My wife is a great resource in this process of healing, as she too is the wife of a recovering pornography addict.  She is a Licensed Professional Counselor and really good at what she does.  She has some insights into the feelings, emotions, prayers, healing and trust that goes into all this.  If you’d like to talk with Catherine, feel free to email us at ContactUs@TrueManhood.com and we’ll pass your email along to her.

For women who might be reading this, I hope that either Catherine or Ashley, or any of the other women that are resources on this topic, can be a source of peace and healing for you if you are dealing with this trauma.

For the men reading this, I urge you to see the hurt and pain through a woman’s eyes/thoughts.  It should speak volumes to us and help our behavior.  If you know of a woman in your life who needs to read this, please forward the link to them.

Ashley recently wrote a great article for the Covenant Eyes blog.  I share it with you below.  (BTW: if you’re looking for a great internet security software, Covenant Eyes is a great one.  It might cost a bit of money, but a few dollars a month is worth your salvation, don’t you think?!)

Here’s the blog entry from Ashley that was posted at the Covenant Eyes Blog:

Yes, She’s More Beautiful Than You

Ashely Weis Video“I nuzzled my face into his chest, peered up at him, and said, “I just want to be the most beautiful woman in the world to you.”

Silence.

Immediately, I replayed memories. Like the day I found explicit links on the computer. And the night he confessed to viewing pornography at work while I waited for him at home—pregnant.

“Silence doesn’t make me feel any better,” I said, hoping he’d say something to reassure me.

“I don’t want to say something that’s not true.”

“So, there are women you think are more beautiful than me?” He didn’t answer, but I pried.

“There have been. Yes.”

I gulped and restrained tears. “What about them?” He named qualities. Attributes I already knew he found attractive, but hearing the words ripped my heart into a thousand pieces.

When I begged for a deeper understanding, he asked, “Would it help if I gave you an actual person?” He gave me a celebrity’s name. I thanked God it wasn’t someone we knew.

Then I asked a question I shouldn’t have asked, “So, if you stood her next to me, you would think she was more beautiful?”

“Yes, she’s more beautiful than you.”

Tears rained for an hour. I thought I’d never heal after such devastation. Beauty was stolen from me. My essence was torn apart. I never imagined feeling beautiful again, not after my dearest companion whispered the heart-wrenching words, ‘Yes, she’s more beautiful than you.’

Agonizing thoughts popped up every time my husband and I made love. Whenever we were in public, I feared seeing a woman with the qualities he named. And I cried every time I saw my reflection in a mirror.

I had to do something, but what?

Divorce was out of the question. I didn’t want to break my wedding vows. I didn’t want to run from problems. But I didn’t know how to heal. Sometimes just looking at my husband brought tears. I missed the way our relationship sparkled in the beginning. I wanted us back. But every time I looked into his eyes I felt unwanted and ugly.

My husband began to change. He battled lust and asked God to purify his heart. Even so, whenever he told me I was beautiful, I cringed.

People often reminded me that beauty isn’t reflected in a woman’s appearance—it’s all about her heart. But every time I saw another woman I’d compare myself. And whenever my husband looked at me I’d wonder if I was beautiful enough.

Surely, beauty had something to do with appearance; otherwise God wouldn’t have created women to be beautiful and men wouldn’t be so visually stimulated by their wives. But how could I feel beautiful in my own skin after my husband ranked me below other women? He said he had changed, and his actions proved that his heart was being purified more every day, but I still positioned myself below those women and felt unattractive.

After many agonizing nights of locking my husband out of the house and handing over my wedding rings, I woke up, looked in the mirror, and asked God to help me view myself through His eyes—not my own or my husband’s.

For the first time I saw beauty. But it wasn’t a familiar beauty.

Stripped of make-up and hair products, I saw beauty in my reflection. I saw a woman crafted by God. And He doesn’t make mistakes. Every flaw somehow vanished when I realized that my imperfections were beautiful to Him.

The same God that orchestrates beautiful sunsets created me! Looking at myself and believing I needed make-up, hair straighteners, and tan skin to create beauty was pretty much telling God, “Sorry, but you didn’t cut it. I need to add some things, take away some things, and then I’ll be beautiful.”

It’s not easy to feel this way every minute of the day. Satan seeks to destroy me. He throws arrows at my deepest wounds and worst insecurities. He wants me to feel like I need to prove myself. Like I need something else in order to be good enough. Whether it’s my body or personality, he is always trying to make me think I’m lacking something. God wants me to rest in who I am. Satan doesn’t. It’s like a tug of war for my heart. God builds me up and Satan schemes to bring me down. I don’t want to let him.

Yes, I still wonder if I’m good enough for my husband. I still battle the wow-I-wonder-if-he-likes-that-woman thoughts. But I have learned to view my beauty through God’s eyes. And in turn, I’m not so dependent upon anyone’s opinion other than God Himself.

I hope I will continue to realize the “I’m not good enough” feeling is a lie. There is no perfect woman. God created me to be me. Confidence is a beautiful thing, and I want that! Not stylish clothes, but the godly confidence God created me to have. I desire a smile that beams when the world is crashing down.

I am learning to love myself, appreciate the gifts and positive qualities God gave me, and thank Him for them. I am still learning and struggling, but most of all, still fighting and loving.

Truly, I feel as though my beauty has been resurrected since I looked at myself through God’s eyes, and stopped trying to attain the sex appeal advertised on billboards or advertisements. Although it’s still difficult not to desire that kind of sexiness, God has shown me a different side of beauty. A beauty that He finds attractive, because He created it.

I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to rid myself of the words my husband said. They still tumble through my thoughts and spin my heart. But I have learned to stop believing them. I’ve learned that I do not need affirmation from the world in order to know I am beautiful. Now, when I brush make-up on my face, I know it’s not necessary; it’s only a fun accessory. Real beauty is created by God, not me.

I can shout with full confidence, “I am beautiful,” because the King of Kings fashioned me. And no one can take that beauty away from me.”

Old Vid, Just for Laughs

January 19, 2011 by  
Filed under Blog, Faith, Just For Laughs

Just for laughs…

stephencolbert thumb

The Colbert Report Mon – Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
The De-Deification of the American Faithscape
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor & Satire Blog</a> Video Archive

“What Do You Want Your Dash to Represent?”

January 6, 2011 by  
Filed under Blog, cultural manliness, Faith, manliness, Sports, Virtue

Tebow DocumentaryI just saw this ESPN Documentary about Tim Tebow.  It’s going to be on ESPN in a just a little bit (5pm Mountain Time), but if you’re not reading this right away (which most of you won’t be), I’m sure that ESPN will replay it.

It looks interesting, but I don’t have ESPN, so I won’t be able to see it right now.  As I watched the trailer, I had an eerie feeling in my gut, especially when they were showing him in the stadium after a game and the band girl screamed “I touched him!” as if his “cloak” was able to heal.  The trailer really depicted him as some sort of savior.  Seems to be a weird mix of Tim Tebow’s dedication and determination, even against extreme odds, and an idolization of him as a super-human.  Watch the trailer below and let me know if you felt the same way.

Tim Tebow is a good man.  He is devoted to his walk with Christ and does great things for the community.  He inspires many and is a ray of hope in our world.  Good job, Tim.

He has an awesome quote in there, “what do you want your dash to represent?”  This quote is important for all of us to think about.  tim-tebow-broncosHe was saying that each of our tombstones will have the year we were born and then will have the year we died.  In between these numbers will be a dash.  The dash represents the years of our life.  “What do you want your dash to represent?” is really asking the question “What is your life all about?”  That’s why I posted this video.  It’s a great question to ask yourself.  Are you a man of great integrity and character?  Are you a man of virtue?  A you a holy and devoted man?  Are you constantly trying to get better?  Are you constantly trying to grow?  What sort of legacy are you leaving?  If yes, your dash will represent greatness.  If not, it may represent something else.

This would be a great video and topic to segment into another post about “cultural manliness”, but that’ll have to wait.

TrueMan up!

A Review: Cultural Manliness

I haven’t written about cultural manliness in a while, so I thought I’d review it.  Cultural manliness, for those unfamiliar with the termcultural manliness pics (which I coined a few years ago) is the idea that “the more power, money, sex and stuff a male has, the more manly he is.”  This idea is propagated in our culture virtually non-stop, whether on the television, on the internet, in movies, throughout magazines and newspapers, on billboards, in songs, in advertising and just about anywhere those areas don’t cover.  The idea is propagated for a few reasons: 1. men buy into this lie.  2. women buy into this lie.  3. children buy into this lie.  4. people make money off of this lie.  5. the devil wins souls through this lie.

Cultural manliness – being in pursuit of the things of this world – will kill a man.  Power, money, sex and stuff doesn’t win our salvation, but it certainly can keep us from it.  Cultural manliness easily gets in the way of a relationship with Christ.  Why does this matter?  Because Christ is the true example of manliness!  He is THE TrueMan.  He is the reason this site exists.  He is the reason why the site is called what it is called.  “Blessed be Jesus Christ, True God and TrueMan.”  Anything other than pursuing Christ is futile and unmanly.

The world wants to tell a man that he will be ‘happy’ if he has more power, more sex, more money and more stuff.  This things, in and of themselves are not bad, but they don’t bring happiness.  They may bring emotional counterfeits that men believe to be happiness, but they aren’t happiness.

What then makes a man, if it’s not power, money, sex and stuff?  Virtue!  Prudence, Justice, Fortitude and Temperance – Faith, Hope and Love.  Learn them, live them, be a TrueMan!  (Read the “TrueManhood Guide to Virtue” here.)

If you’d like to read more on the topic, do a search (in the white box on the upper right portion of each page of this site) for “cultural manliness”.  You’ll have plenty of reading material.  Or, go to the blog page and click the “cultural manliness” tab.  I’d like to know your thoughts on this topic – leave a comment.

TrueMan up!

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