Embracing Life

Still on vacation… had another experience I needed to blog about.  This story is a simple one, yet it contains an incredible life lesson.

Last night, we had a shuttle driver take us from the water park to our resort.  Stan showed up right on time, came around the vehicle to let us in and proceeded to very skillfully drive us through the night’s traffic.  We began in small talk, and eventually began talking about life.  Stan, a married man of many years, had moved to Florida some 15+ years ago with his wife.  Just over a year ago, they moved to Orlando to find work.  Stan had worked in construction, installing windows and doors, for many years.  After losing his job, he took it upon himself to find more work, any work.  With the Florida’s economic failings, building was way down and construction jobs weren’t available.  As he told us about the tough times that he and his wife experienced, we experienced a side of Stan that I wish everyone could experience.  Pure joy.

Stan exemplified joy.  He was happy, pleasant, energetic and sincere.  Stan spoke of the hardships of losing work in a way that told me that he knew that in order to live (to provide, to be a man) he needed to take whatever work came along.  Being a shuttle driver isn’t glamorous, powerful or high-paying – it’s long hours, sometimes unrulely patrons and small wages.  He was simply happy to have a job and knows that many others don’t.  He knows he is truly blessed.  Stan chose to look at his job as if the glass was not only half-full, but that it was overflowing.  Stan told us about grabbing as much over time as he could, about the full benefits that his company offers and about how he wakes up each morning wanting to go to work, simply glad to have a paycheck. 

The life lesson… live joy.  Joy is a powerful tool.  I’ve blogged about it before, but in a different context.  Stan’s story shows us that no matter what the world throws at us, we can live a happy life.  Stan knows that money and possessions are not what rules his life, but loving his wife and giving 100% at work is incredibly honorable and manly, and that dictates what he does in life.  Stan shows us all that a TrueMan does what he has to, when he has to, no matter what, in order to live and provide.

Stan… the skies are blue for you, my friend.  There will be great things for you in your future – stay positive, energetic and hardworking.  Your wife is a lucky woman – keep treating her as your queen.  Best of luck to you.  I’m a better man after meeting you.

Man up!

Pictures Speak Louder

So I’m on vacation with my wife… we’re here in Florida, enjoying the sun, the pools and the theme parks.  I don’t plan to post every day, but I saw something today that I had to address.  We were riding on our shuttle and a newlywed couple got on.  I knew they were newlyweds by their shirts.  The bride modeled a white tank with rhinestones spelling out “bride”.  The groom, however, sported a black t-shirt with a picture that spoke much louder than words ever could.

This message, “Game Over”, depicting a groom and bride, shows not only a distane for marriage, but a lack of respect for one another in the bond that just took place through the marriage vows.  I’ve got lots of problems with this shirt, but here are my two biggest beefs:

1. He, (if he’s even close to a man) asked her to marry him.  He asked her if she would spend the rest of her life with him.  Why do men (typically, in society) see marriage as “game over”?  Marriage is an incredible gift, an amazing relationship between best friends that work with God to be co-creators of life.  Why can’t this guy, and other men everywhere, see this? 

2. The bride, who just vowed her life to this man, is okay with him wearing this shirt.  She’s okay with him wearing it in public.  She’s okay with him proudly displaying his viewpoint of what his new and exciting relationship is all about.  Essentially, he’s saying “My past life of fun and freedom is over” and she’s saying “He’s right”.

What a shame.  I hope that somewhere, at least one man and one woman reads this post and changes their viewpoint on what a marriage can be.  I know the other side of this “Game Over” t-shirt.  I know the side of marriage that brings about life, with a woman that I love and share my entire life with.  I actually like being with her, spending time with her, sharing my life with her.  Best of luck to this young couple; I hope they make it past this sort of attitude and have a long and lasting relationship.

Man up!

A Father Breaking the Cycle

Often times, what I blog about are bad experiences that I have of males who aren’t holding up their end of the deal in society.  Typically, they’re making bad decisions, exemplifying “cultural manliness” and slacking on being a TrueMan.  Today, I’m going to change things up and speak about a man that is Breaking the Cycle.

This TrueMan is a national hero, a firefighter who has unselfishly put himself in harm’s way to protect others for well over 20 yrs.  He is a Captain at a well-known Marine base near Washington D.C.  He influences the young men in the firehouse, not only in the ways of firefighting, but also in life.  The biggest impact he has though (not at all to discount his years of service nor his honors & accolades) is the impact he has on his family. 

The father of three, this TrueMan knows well that a father’s impact is long lasting and the most important relationship in the lives of his children. 

This man had a childhood with a father that was a workaholic.  To quote him, “My Dad didn’t have 5 minutes for me, a year.”  Not only did the father neglect his only son, he was abusive and left physical scars to prove it.  In speaking with him the other day, he said something that really struck me.  He said “I won’t be like my father was. Not a a chance.”  It struck me not only because he’s breaking the cycle of what his father showed him, but because he means it.  He’s convicted, in the deepest part of his heart, to give his children the attention, devotion and love that he never received.  It’s not out of spite or out of pity, it’s out of love.  The love he has for them resonates deeply with me because his children are my godchildren, and needless to say, are very important to me. 

I could continue on for many more paragraphs, but I think my point is easy to understand and doesn’t require repeating.  By the way, he’s a great husband too.

Thank you, Captain TLW.  You’re a great man. 

Man up!

Happy Father's Day

Happy Father’s Day to all the fathers out there!  I hope that you took the opportunity to be with your children, and children, I hope you took some time to be with your Dad today.  May God bless all fathers and encourage them to be a great dad today.  Let us pray for all the father-child relationships out there that are in turmoil, struggling or estranged.  Let us pray for children who have lost their father.  Let us pray for the males who haven’t taken responsibility for their children.  Let us pray in thanksgiving for all the great dads of the world.  Let us pray that everyone would learn to see God the Father as a loving Daddy.

The image (left) depicts St Joseph; he is our best saintly guide to what True Fatherhood and TrueManhood is all about.  After all, the child Jesus learned everything he knew from his earthly father.  Joseph was incredibly virtuous, especially possessing the virtues of faith and love.  In this picture, we can see the tender and loving touch that he has for his child.  He is carrying lilies in this case, instead of his normal carpenter’s (worker’s) tools.  He carries lilies to signify his purity; we refer to St Joseph as “The Most Chaste Spouse” of the Blessed Virgin Mary.  Take some time to learn more about St Joseph so that you can learn more about what manliness is all about.

I’ve had an absolutely great day (weekend, actually!).  On Saturday, we went to Mass, my wife cooked my favorite Italian food, gave me some gifts (Steelers’ tickets!!!) and planned a bike trip to one of our favorite parks in the city.  Today was absolutely beautiful with warm sunny blue skies.  Everyone should be as lucky as me.

 

 

Here’s a little cartoon I found.  I hope your dad is like this kid’s dad and I hope your kids see their dad like this kid sees his dad.

Man up!

The Kind of Man Anyone Would Be Glad to Know

I recently received a birthday card from my parents; the words are meaningful and profound.

 

 

“When a Man has a Good Heart and lets it Guide Him -

When He Seeks what is True and Strives to Live by it -

When He Understands His own Gifts and does His Best to Share Them -

That Man does Himself and All Those who Love Him Proud.”

…To the Kind of Man Anyone Would Be Glad to Know… 

Man up!

"Take Time to Be a Dad Today"

Today, I was running at the gym and saw a commercial on ESPN for the National Fatherhood Initiative.  I was really impressed, especially to see it on ESPN – a channel dedicated to sports and encouraging men to sit and watch them every hour of the day (boooo).  I came home and searched for it, finding the website and some commercial clips.  Check out the main National Fatherhood Initiative site.  To see the commercials, click Public Service Announcements.  (Note: they’ve gotta be great, considering that the voice overs are from Darth Vadar’s voice – James Earl Jones and from Magnum P.I. – Tom Selleck.)  They’ve got a great slogan: “Take Time to Be a Dad Today”.  Sometimes, that’s all it takes – time.

Here are two of them:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t5bcsR74oUI]

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MpFPI2gATnw]

Man up!

A Father's Example

I was walking to my truck today in a parking lot, carrying my youngest daughter.  We had just had a nice, leisurely stroll through a store – looking at all sorts of neat things.  As we proceeded to our vehicle, a small car was backing up.  The driver continued backing up, apparently not seeing me walking behind him, or so I thought.  He proceeded to shout something out, throwing in an F-Bomb and getting very agitated that someone happened to be walking behind him while he attempted to back out.  He said, and I quote: “(insert expletive #1 here), don’t walk behind a car when it’s (f-bomb-ing; expletive #2 here) backing up.  (Expletives #’s 3,4 & 5 here)… and so on.”  As I passed his little car, I heard his profane outburst and turned around to look at him, myself agitated that he’d use such language around my daughter.  The woman in the passenger seat saw me staring him down and quickly told the driver to “shut up and get out of here”.  He continued on with his second rant, cut short when he himself turned around and saw me staring him down. 

Now, I didn’t want to have to stare him down, after all, I was carrying my eight-month old daughter.  I figured in this situation that a quick, hard glance might scare him just enough to rethink what he had done.  What made me so frustrated with this guy was that there were little kids (two young boys, no older than eight years old) in the back seat.  I know this because I saw this foursome in the check-out line next to me inside the store.  His behavior inside the store was just as bad as it was in the parking lot, maybe worse.

Here’s my beef with this guy: he doesn’t realize the influence he has on those young boys.  I’m assuming he’s their dad, which is even more upsetting.  These little guys are going to grow up thinking that foul language, anger, aggressive behavior and who knows what other negativity is acceptable and normal.  They’re going to grow up believing that “if I want to be a man, I need to do as Daddy does”.  They’ll be mistaken and will continue to perpetuate the epidemic of males not being TrulyManly.

The reason I write these articles is precisely because of incidents like today’s.  Men everywhere are blowing it.  They’re dropping the ball and passing on incredibly detrimental characteristics to the coming generations.  I applaud the men who are TrueMen that are stopping the cycle and living out manhood the way God intended it.  It’s not easy being a father and having the responsibilities that come with it, yet it’s a must, we have no other choice.

By the way… “old Dave” (the guy I used to be) wanted to yell back, forcefully drag this lame excuse for a man out of his car and pound him until he figured it out.  That wouldn’t have worked out as well.  I think writing about it was a good alternative.

Man up!

Being Daddy on Vacation

I apologize for the long delay between posts.  Since I’ve started this blogsite, I haven’t had a break this long between articles, so thanks for bearing with me. 

I’ve been on vacation with my girls, far away from most of civilization at a great lake in (the middle of) the middle-of-nowhere Montana.  It was great.

While on vacation, it’s important for a father to realize that he doesn’t stop being a Daddy or a husband.  It would have been easy for me to have wanted to stay on the ATVs all day, work on the sail boat, go out fishing or shooting or to hang out just with the other guys.  It would have been easy to neglect my wife and children and do what I wanted to do.  Instead, I made the choice to put them first, and to put my selfish desires to the side.  I ended up having plenty of time on the ATVs (which, by the way, were incredible… see above picture) because I took the girls with me.  I made the loving choice to keep my priorities in line.  We had lots of time together playing, having fun, flying kites, going for walks, playing games and eating like kings and queens. 

It’s also easy (anytime really, but especially on vacation) to neglect my wife.  I strive to make her my top priority, but sometimes I struggle at showing her in the way the she needs to hear it or see it through my actions.  Vacation throws a wrench in everything because a guy is out of his element.  It’s not easy to be romantic, thoughtful or sensitive when there are lots of other adults and children running around.  That’s why its important to think ahead, to plan and to be strategic about the little things.  The little things, especially when it’s out of the normal operating area (home), go a really long way with women.  You know what else goes a long way with women?  When their husbands go out of their way to make special time for their children.  Now, before someone jumps down my throat for being insensitive and seeming like I’m saying that a father should only do what he should because it’ll keep the Mrs. happy and off his case, let me assure my readers that I’m simply saying that wives love their husbands for many reasons… one happens to be when a husband takes special time to be with his children.  I’m also not saying that a husband/father shouldn’t have time with the guys, or doing fun things.  I’m saying that those events can’t be the priority.

So, as you go on your summer vacations, keep in mind that it’s not about you.  It’s about your wife (she’s your best friend, by the way), your children and family time.  Think ahead and make the choice to love.

Man up!

A Month for Fathers

June  is here.  Father’s Day is coming up and I want to take this month to write frequently about fathers, about what a father should be and other topics that pertain to fatherhood.  Today’s topic will cover a sensitive issue of abortion.  Recently, we received the regular newsletter from our local Citizen’s For Life group.  Inside contained some startling information about a father’s role in the abortion process.  Here’s what it says:

FATHERS PLAY KEY ROLE IN ABORTION  – from LifeLine, June 2009

A study published in the International ’Journal of Mental Health & Addiction’ has found that the relationship between women and their partners and the level of support provided by the fathers are important factors in whether or not the woman aborts their baby.

The study sample was drawn from hospitals in 16 cities around the country, which had high numbers of births to unmarried women.

The final sample was of families already having one child.  The study looked at the reasons women chose childbirth or abortion for their subsequent pregnancy, and examined the decision-making process in the context of her relationship with the father of the child.

No other research on abortion decision-making has taken the family context into account.

This is an especially important issue for our future consideration, since so many abortions are currently performed on women with other living children, implying the presence of the father of the children.

The results of the study indicated that the most important factors in determing the women’s choice to abort a second pregnancy were those associated with the father’s inability – or unwillingness - to provide assistance in rearing the first child.

It found that mothers who were married to the father were significantly more likely to deliver the baby.

The prevailing opinion that women abort because of poverty and financial considerations ran counter in this study.  Mothers, instead, based their decision on whether they would be supported in their role as a mother by a father.

Study results support the idea that it requires both a committed mother and father to assure the choice to deliver and care for a child.

[Excerpts from: LifeNews.com 1-16-09, Author Dr Wanda Franz]